-Did Love change your life? Have you been loved? Really Loved?
-What did you feel when you lost your Love, did you lose your Love?
-Were you only disappointed or did you feel grateful instead?
-Did you cherish the beautiful and loving moments more than the bad ones?
-Do you see the bad moments as things to remember or do you want to forget them? And when you DO remember them and you DO WANT to think back of these moments, what do these lessons teach you? Or do you decide to only think back and cherish your hate instead of feeling grateful for the insights they gave you?
Think about it, think back and be completely honest. Are you feeling like a victim in this? Did everything just happen to you for no reason at all?Do you think you live in the past when you decide to pick out the lessons in it? How about it? Do YOU remember? Do you WANT to remember?
Writing this all down I was thinking back at the journey of Love I have experienced. I believe that when a person can love him- or herself they can be a huge giver. However the biggest givers seem to be the persons who do NOT Love themselves at all! They do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING for The Others without asking ANYTHING for themselves…They are happy with the crumbs they get instead of the wole bread!
The other thing is that women who get out of a “bad” Love relationship (personally I do not believe in bad Love relationships, I decide to believe in learning Love relationships, there is no bad, no wrong, there are only insights to feel grateful for) keep on telling themselves what they do NOT WANT. And therefore they ATTRACT it!!!!Instead of thinking about what they DO WANT!!!!
Though I have loved before I actually started to Love when I started to Love MYSELFf! The moment I did not judge myself anymore was one of the most liberating, most beautiful moments of my life.I have Loved several men in my life. I will comment on some of them here.
I Loved P (I decided to only write down the first letter of his name, for privacy reasons. Not necessarily for me, but for them) and his children from the bottom of my heart. I decided to end it because of several reasons. Practical reasons. In my brain I knew it was better that way, but in my heart and soul I felt like I could NEVER Love a person as much as I Loved him. I even told P. Without realizing that, I promised this to myself and made it into a STATEMENT…
So, ‘I will NEVER love a man as much as I loved P’… TURNED into a statement, MY statement. The only thing was that I did not know I was doing that. Only years later I understood that I could never meet a guy who I would Love as much or even more than I Loved P, because I TOLD MYSELF NOT TO!!!!
So, when I dated another dude after P, I knew that I would NEVER Love him like I Loved my P. And I didn’t….I kept my “promise”…even without knowing that.
Of course this follow up Love relationship ended. I only took care of him and he did not take care of me. THE END…..That’s all folks!!! was the animation text at the end of the film I remembered to be very suitable for that moment. NEXT!
After a while I met another guy and started to date him, this was F.
A huge guy, very tall and Loving. The only thing was that he was not the real authentic F from the start. After 6 months he started to act different and became more himself. Which was sensitive, not showing his emotions and judging. He chose to Love from behind his self chosen thick walls and each time I came too near, he felt like I was a threat to him. And though we both really Loved each other very much, it did not work. Me as the giver, the sensitive giver and F as the dominant ruler, with lots of emotions he did not want to show or share. I could not reach him and he could not reach me.The moments he did share his emotions, he felt out of control and disappeared behind even thicker walls…I felt safe with him, I felt I wanted to feel the connection between us from soul to soul but F did not allow that. So we started to drift apart, came together again. His ideas about raising my children were very different than mine and we decided to end the Love relationship. I felt terrible because i really Loved him so much and it still didn’t work.
Later I met another guy, while F stayed alone.
The guy I met then was W, a very warm and Loving person, still I did not feel the soul to soul connection, though there were definitely deep and very beautiful moments. I feel very grateful for that! We both decided to end the Love relationship. (by the way, I never lived with any of them)
I don’t know if F KNEW that, but from that time on he started to “pull” at some old strings again. The Love relationship with W had ended and became a friendship. We did not share the same view on life and it was better that way. F heard about it and came to see me. He asked me to come back to him because he Loved me, I hesitated. I still Loved him so much but there was this little voice inside, telling me he was not the right guy. Immediately my brains started to argue with my inner voice. I decided to listen to my inner voice. It did cost me lots of tears, because I WANTED to be with F and knew it was impossible because he chose to stay behind his “walls”. However I feel deeply grateful for the support and Love he gave me. He was there for me at the right time. I was there for him at the right time, but it was not meant to be forever. Only 3 days after my hesitation to come back to F, he started seeing someone else. As I predicted months before that even happened….I told F then that he would meet a woman called M and that he would sleep there the day he would enter the house, that he would get into a Love relationship with her and that he would marry her within 4 months. F laughed at me and told me that that could never happen. But it happened EXACTLY that way. Even the name of the woman was correct. This prooved to me that F was not meant to be for me. Though I felt terribly sad about it.
Looking back at these last Love relationships at that time,I decided to choose to remember the beautiful moments I have shared with each of them. And take the insights, the lessons of life out there. I asked the Universe to provide each one of them with everything they longed for.
Then I met Brian.
I immediately felt and knew that we belonged together. The feeling we share is so enormously Loving, so deeply connected from soul to soul, so totally accepting and so endlessly understanding that I finally experienced the feeling I always have been waiting for. And Brian feels exactly the same! Each day we are apart and each day we are together teaches us how deep our love is.
We miss each other, isn’t that something to be deeply grateful for? That we are able to feel that!!
The time we are apart is teaching us a lot about what we want and how we feel and in what way we both feel connected. Our Love growes each day.We talk and see each other on camera. We both enjoy the talking, the writings and the challenge in it. Can you imagine the immense joy when we will be together again?
There are people who do not understand it and tell me this Love is doomed to be done within a year. I do not choose to believe that. I choose to feel what I feel and to think what I think. I choose to live my life the way I believe is best for me. The filters The Others use to look at it are not mine.The people who really know me and got to know Brian, all say one thing:
Brian is the first person we have ever seen together with you who really fits you! We feel so much confidence in your Love!
Brian and I both lost our former Love of a lifetime, after the breaking up we both grabbed ourselves together, deciding to believe that another Love even BETTER and MORE CONNECTED would come our way. Why?
Because we believe in a benevolent Universe, we believe in the Love of the Light, we feel guided, we were sure to find the Love that would really suit us on ALL LEVELS….and we DID……………!!!
By listening to our inner voice we found each other!
No matter what happened in my life, no matter what happened in Brian’s life, we both were convinced to meet the Love we wanted and was meant to be.And never gave up on it!
Does this mean that we are sitting on a pink cloud all day? In a “beam me up Scotty sensation” all the time? NO! We still are two different persons.
What’s our secret? We COMMUNICATE! Without FEAR! With TRUST/ CONFIDENCE! We share the SAME VIEW ON LIFE! WE ARE US ALL THE TIME!
So, whenever you want to know how true Love feels, try this:
- Be the true, authentic you
- Communicate without fear
- Feel trust
- Share the same view on life
- And most of all: LOVE and ENJOY!!!
And remember, we all CREATE the Loves we experience, to learn from it and to find that very special person that will feel like the home you want to live in. The moment Brian and I met, we felt at home immediately.
Or like Brian told me:
‘The place where you are is my home…’ Isn’t that what we are all looking for?