I hold the strong Belief that when a person rejects you for some reason this can only reach your Soul when you believe it is true or partly true. Still there are times I also can feel rejected and experience a sharp pain in my Soul. Whenever this happens it’s because of the totally Unexpected timing and when it’s coming from a friend who is telling me things that are hard to hear.
In my opinion it has to do with Safety and a shared Comfort zone. When you feel Safe you feel Comfortable with each other. You simply do not Expect that person to say things which are assuming and/or blaming or said with the purpose of “making” you feel something else than Happy. Now in fact it’s pretty simple. No person in the world can MAKE me feel ANYTHING for only I hold the power to make me feel anything. Nevertheless it’s hard to hear some people say things which are untrue or just made up. When they hold the Belief it’s all on me. The question that pops up here is ‘Why’? Why does this happen and how do we choose to respond to that?
I have had several experiences in a row with people who were dishonest to me and later acted from a victimizing behavior. Projecting their issues on me. Blaming me for the way they felt for I SHOULD HAVE said or done something they had already written down in their scenario. Things to make THEM Happy.
But because I write my own scenario being in the Now, they felt disappointed I did not do what they already made up in their mind I would do. I did not say the right things at their supposed right time, I did not tell the truth they wanted to hear and already designed in their head. I did not play the game by their rules. Stubbornness followed, it’s like playing chess waiting who can make the first genius move. Pushing on all of my “buttons” to manipulate me? Sorry! Don’t like it and do not feel interested. Guilt tripping on me? Same thing, no thanks. It all has to do with being honest in and towards my Self without being ego minded. I am no longer interested in these blamings or assumings or guilt tripping to manipulate. I have taken in the Beliefs of the Others for a long time in my Life by putting The Other(s) first. No more. I know my own values by now. I don’t need them from The Others. No more. And I feel good by that decision.
So what’s left is that some people whom I considered to be friends were friends with a guideline. When I do not do what they expect me to do in conversations, behavior or gestures they will just ignore me, attack me or throw all kind of things at my head I am no part of. The question again is ‘Why’ do they do this? To have things their way? Control? Power?Or Fear? I have been thinking about this for some time. Just sharing my thoughts here with you.
1)When I do not do what people want me to do or expect me to do or say, I am doing wrong to them. Do I agree? No, of course not.
2)When people do not feel the want to be confronting to themselves, they will project it on The Other, in this case on me. They start to blame me for what they lack to do or say themselves.
3)When people are alone they have (too) much time to think things over and tend to ’forget’ their own part in it . They will put the blame on The Other, me in this case.
4)People who are alone and only have one friend to claim, will be able to make things bigger and more sad and will even possibly dive into a deep victimizing behavior when this friend does not do what they believe is good for THEM.
Now what this all does to you is up to you. When you feel like someone is guilt tripping you and you believe he or she has the right to do so because you FEEL guilty, go ahead. It’s a Choice, your Choice. Like it is my Choice to decide what feels best for me.
Guilt is a cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person realizes or believes—accurately or not—that he or she has compromised his or her own standards of conduct or has violated a moral standard, and bears significant responsibility for that violation. It is closely related to the concept of remorse.
Remorse is an emotional expression of personal regret felt by a person after he or she has committed an act which they deem to be shameful, hurtful, or violent. Remorse is closely allied to guilt and self-directed resentment. When a person regrets an earlier action or failure to act, it may be because of remorse or in response to various other consequences, including being punished for the act or omission.
Resentment (also called ranklement or bitterness) is the experience of a negative emotion (anger or hatred, for instance) felt as a result of a real or imagined wrong done. Etymologically, the word originates from French “ressentir“, re-, intensive prefix, and sentir “to feel”; from the Latin “sentire“. The English word has become synonymous with anger and spite.
I made my Choice. I still Love my friends but I can also decide not to continue the friendship in an active way. Like they can decide to do so. Sometimes a friendship needs a period of time in which you don’t see each other, to renew it after a certain time. After that it can be better than ever or it can be done. Time will tell.
How about you?