I wanted to take a moment to post this actual Skype chat I had with Mary’s 24 year old daughter, Elise. She is working to get past an ended relationship with someone who was not honest with her (who hasn’t been there—lol?) I LOVED her way of using beliefs to restructure her thoughts about this past relationship in such a way that it frees her up to look for the next relationship in a positive way instead of from a place of bitterness. She really inspired me in that moment!!!
[10/6/2009 2:38:29 PM] Brian Ellis: did you read the blog about “key notes”? there is a place in their where i describe some “supporting beliefs”….and you can use that type of thing anywhere…
[10/6/2009 2:38:58 PM] elise: where can i find that? oh yes. i am reading that right now:)
[10/6/2009 2:39:23 PM] Brian Ellis: In specific regards to relationships and dating, what this means is that you OWN your experience in a relationship! Everything that you think, feel, and do! The beliefs you create can make it so that being rejected can actually be easy and comfortable! (SUPPORTING BELIEF: I’m one person closer to my perfect partner!) Beliefs can make it so getting broken up with might even be exciting! (SUPPORTING BELIEF: No matter how great he/she is, the one I’m looking for has to be even better! )
[10/6/2009 2:39:37 PM] Brian Ellis: yep…and these are ACTUAL beliefs that i TRULY hold….
[10/6/2009 2:40:58 PM] elise: yes that believe i already have:) thats why i am single right now:) there will be someone better waiting for me. and if someone rejects me, then that is too bad for him or her. but its also a sign that something better will show up on my path.
[10/6/2009 2:41:27 PM] Brian Ellis: cool!
[10/6/2009 2:41:28 PM] elise: if the other one can not see me in all my glory, oke, thats fine, then i know enough too.
[10/6/2009 2:41:40 PM] Brian Ellis: yep!
[10/6/2009 2:41:49 PM] elise: then it means we are not really connected and not seeing eachother the way we truly are in a loveable way.
[10/6/2009 2:42:09 PM] elise: so its never bad when it ends.
[10/6/2009 2:42:15 PM] Brian Ellis: exactly!!!
[10/6/2009 2:42:54 PM] elise: my last boyfriend was in february, i dont want anybody who is not ‘my wants list’
[10/6/2009 2:44:19 PM] Brian Ellis: very cool…i will be posting about the wants list shortly…
[10/6/2009 2:44:30 PM] elise: and i have to say, that since i knew more about the happiness option (from Happiness Is A Choice by Barry Neil Kaufman, http://www.option.org), i see a lot more around me where people give other people believes. for example in movies. when a grown up tells a kid that when you get older, relationships are getting more and more complicated.
[10/6/2009 2:44:43 PM] elise: cool!
[10/6/2009 2:46:00 PM] Brian Ellis: that holds SO MUCH insight, when you can start to easily recognize when someone is trying to sell you beliefs….when you see it as a belief instead of a FACT, then you will really see how much there is for you to choose in life! happens all the time!
[10/6/2009 2:46:26 PM] elise: my god, yes. everything is a choice.
[10/6/2009 2:46:37 PM] elise: i even recognised it today when a girlfriend called me.
[10/6/2009 2:47:09 PM] elise: i told her why do you see that as negative? why can you not see it as positive, energy, because you are growing ?
[10/6/2009 2:47:22 PM] elise: and she said, yes.. actually you are right.. it is positive!
[10/6/2009 2:47:29 PM] elise: so funny:)
[10/6/2009 2:47:32 PM] elise: and easy
Framing endings as positive makes ALL future relationships much easier because you’ll spend less time worrying about endings and more time being PRESENT and 100% INVOLVED in the relationship—if the endings don’t hurt, there’s no reason not to jump in 100%!