Option Process tools are (www.option.org) great opportunities to work with. For anyone who is interested, DO visit the site of the Option Institute, it truly is A Place For Miracles…. Watch the videos, you can find them on “You Tube” as well!
This morning I got a telephone call from my dear friend Marga, we have been friends for about 20 years now and I did not talk to her yet since my coming back to the Netherlands. We talked about my great love relationship with Brian and she reacted very enthusiastically! She felt real happy for us both, though she had some other thoughts about it when she first heard it.
“Why?” I asked her.
“Because I was afraid you might get hurt in a new relationship, I want you to be happy because I love you,” she responded. “But now I have talked to you, I feel that you are happy and I really want you to stay happy”, she told me. (This reaction is one that was based on fear from former experiences in love relationships I have had, which I do not choose to hold on to. I do understand why she felt this but was very happy to hear that she could let go of fear in this as she spoke to me on the phone.) We talked about several other things, I advised her to look at a certain situation in another way. She worried about a friendship and wanted to be the giver and that her friendship with this other person could overcome certain difficulties. I asked her how she wanted to do that. Then she told me that this was very hard, because she loved her friend very much, but could not reach out for her friend because there seemed to be a constant feeling of misunderstanding. I asked her to give me an example. She told me about a situation in which her friend thought she was convinced to be right, while she knew she was. How they argued about it and Marga thought, well, I am going to tell you what I think, her friend did the same. I asked her if she wanted to know how I would have done this. As she said yes, please, I started to give my perception of it.
“I would have listened to my friend”, I told her. “And I would have respected her opinion, because I cannot control her thoughts. I am not responsible for what she thinks too. That’s a big relief! So, the only thing I feel responsible for are my own thoughts here. And I can DECIDE that I do or do not want to argue about this, I can DECIDE how I WANT to feel about this and you know what? I would have smiled at her, telling her that she is totally entitled to think the way she wants to think. And that although I feel different about the situation, I still love her and feel TOTALLY comfortable with it, because I don’t NEED to answer to HER beliefs. Why arguing about her way of looking at things? It is her way.” “But I felt a bit angry, I wanted to tell her I have an opinion too and I did not agree with what she said!”, my friend started to talk and I could hear she felt hurt by going back into the situation. “Listen, does the way you feel right now make you happy?”
“No”, she answered, “It upsets me”.
“So why do you CHOOSE to be upset when you can DECIDE to feel comfortable with whatever your friend might say, knowing you cannot control her thoughts? Knowing that it is important you know how YOU feel about yourself and that whatever another person’s opinion about you, is something THEY think or tell and that it has NOTHING to do with you…”
“Hum,” she replied. “That’s a good one…..”
Many of people do not realize that they can DECIDE how they WANT to feel and respond out of an emotion, most of the time an unrealistic perception of reality too. Because as they calm down and look at it again, they very often realize themselves they were too hard on some person or reacted too strong in a certain situation. It is a good thing to realize what our believes are and understand that we have a CHOICE in how we respond. Choosing the belief that you can feel comfortable with ANY situation is a big benefit. Knowing that you can DECIDE how you want to feel too. And most of all, knowing and experiencing that it brings more relaxation, more insights and much more happiness!