What the past has meant to a person can color his/her present.
As I was at The Option Institute, last September, I took a program that is called: “The Happiness Option” (for more information, see http://www.option.org/programs:the-happiness-option,6 ). In that program we got an envelope. I was really interested what could be in it and I opened the envelope. I saw a piece of paper, it said: “You are not your history”…..
Are we our history, or are we our present? In my practice I get a lot of people who are convinced of the FACT that their past rules their present. What has happened to them has been too awful, too much or unforgivable and therefore it STILL rules their present lives. But what if we look at these events that took place in a different way? Let’s say that we go back to the event and CHANGE the way we reacted. From passive to active, from being overwhelmed to standing strong. Can that be done? The answer to that depends on YOUR CHOICE…. But when you want to live YOUR life the way you really love to, it could be interesting to think this over. Suppose you choose to change your past and decide to feel MUCH more comfortable with that! Wouldn’t that be great? No more energy to give away to bad memories. Enjoying life without troubling thoughts about things that MIGHT happen to you. ..
Still there are many people that decide to hold on to the FACT that they have the right to be victimized. They FEEL it this way and believe that this is the only normal way to respond to that. Now I have had a life in which many events took place, I have been raped with a knife on my throat once, I got beaten up, I got totally ignored in a marriage, and many more things that took place affected me in a negative way at first. I felt sad, did not understand why this all happened and then decided to look for answers. I clearly did NOT want to fall asleep with fear in the back of my mind. At each sound I used to wake up easy. So I started to analyze it and found certain insights. I was an easy person to attack, because in my belief EVERY single soul was good. Did I change that way of looking at the world and the persons within? I could have done that, but I choose not to. I decided to look at the entire person and every time I discovered that this person I encountered, had a bad atmosphere, I decided to talk with them. It made me feel stronger and happier, because I felt that I did not JUDGE them. I let them be, the way THEY choose to be. And talked about how I saw life. The most extraordinary thing happened…..they LISTENED! And even when they did NOT change I felt totally comfortable with that. I saw the WHOLE person, not only that little piece this person was showing me. And could even feel LOVE for them. I once loved a person very deeply; still his way of looking at life was not the way I looked at life. He was a very sensitive man, but very scared that he would NOT be in control of his emotions, he decided to put up walls. The more I reached out for him, the more the walls thickened themselves. Only at certain events which he did NOT expect, he forgot his walls and got out of control. One time as we came home, my children decorated everything because it was his birthday. He was a giant guy and big as well. There he stood in the door opening of my house; saw the table with his favorite food on it and the beautiful gifts my children made for him. No money to buy him anything, they created sculptures of clay, that represented their view on him. He wanted to say something, opened his mouth and closed it again, then he tried again to say something but the only thing he did was cry. First in a silent way, but then his emotions took over and he started to cry without being able to control it. There he stood, my man behind his self chosen walls, exactly the way he REALLY was. Though this was a beautiful moment to us AND him, he decided that he NEVER wanted to cry in public EVER again. Later we ended our relationship, then got together again, ended it another time and believed we loved each other but could not have a life together. He had troubles in letting me go, as I did towards him. But what did happen was that I learned a lot about me. I was the giver that wanted to please him with everything. The more I did the more brute he reacted. He did NOT allow me to come closer. Though when there was ONE person who needed to be loved it was him. At the ceremony of my dad’s cremation, he suddenly stood there, his arms wide opened for me. And we tried again…..I discovered something else. Whenever I was “weak” and “needed” him, he was in control and everything went just fine. But when I was well enough again and went on with life the way I was; being strong and independent, fearless and creative, he started to withdraw and became very brute again in both talking and behavior. So we FINALLY ended our relationship, this time for real. I still love him for the man he is, I accept him the way he is and look back at our time together in a loving way. Did I love all the things he did, said or the way he thought about things? Absolutely! Even the brute things and the way he could ignore me? Yes! Because I feel and know that I do NOT JUDGE him for the way he did. He got married 4 months later with another woman. I wish him to find everything he wants in this relationship and still love him for being the way he is.
This all may sound strange when you choose the belief to look back at all the things that were NOT good in the relationship. But I choose to look back at the GOOD things, the way he most certainly DID love me, he did that in HIS way. I feel grateful for ALL my relationships, looking back at ALL the love and passion that I shared with each of my former partners. I will always be there for them and told them that. So, my past has given me bad experiments, but in fact these events that took place GAVE me more than you might think at first sight. I still choose to love people, did not become a bitter person and enjoy life tremendously.
Because I realized at an early age, that I own my OWN feelings and way of thinking. That I CREATE my OWN BELIEVES. I do NOT want to carry hate in my soul. Why would I give energy to the negative emotions that belong to the OTHER person? Why would I empower the negative event and safe that in my soul? No way! I want to keep my soul a loving one, pure and filled with all the things I took in of life, all these beautiful insights and lessons. To carry HATE in it, is not an option to me and has never been that.
Now I do not tell anyone how to think or to act. But I do want to give some thoughts to you within this. To think it over and see how you stand in life. How you cope with events that want to give you an insight. Whether you can dis- cover that or feel being stuck in the event itself. Whenever you want to give a comment on that, please do! We can reach out for each other in this; we are all learning travelers ….