Restless space gaps in between
Guiding Lines of past memories
Reconnecting souls into the Now
Where are thou lives
Has there been no escape?
The pond floats ‘mirrorly’ into the deep
Drifting thoughts are here to combine
Everything that’s in between
The past and present at the same time….
This poem refers to past lives, within this perspective the soul is endless and with each given life, we are given the possibility to perfect it. With each life we choose to create new opportunities and live the way we FEEL is right for us. Listening to our inner voice, we can make better decisions. Does this mean that we are not THINKING anymore and become dreamers who live in a world that is not very real? Not at all! When we COMBINE both inner voice and brains, we can learn more than we thought we could. And walk on the path of life we choose to walk. Not the one we ASSUME to be our path. Mostly based on beliefs of: “THE OTHERS” ….. It means you take FULL OWNERSHIP of your own thoughts and beliefs. We so often BELIEVE we do that all the time, but as I look at my own life, I can see I hold beliefs I wasn’t aware of before, that do NOT belong to ME… I will give you an example, a friend I did not speak for quite a while, called me and asked me to come and visit her. She felt so alone and because she doesn’t make friends easy, she started to talk how much I meant to her. And that she knew I was very busy but also knew that I would ALWAYS be there for her. And that this was SUCH a comfort to her. When do we meet, she wanted to know. I looked in my agenda and thought; I am NOT able to do this, look at my agenda!!! But I SAID:
“Well, I AM very busy, but Friday will be possible, when I change another appointment.”
“That makes me SO HAPPY! She answered, but will it not be too much for you?”
After we ended the conversation, I thought about her last words to me and realized why I did NOT feel comfortable, even felt manipulated. Guilty, when I would NOT have said yes…….
This has been a huge learning point to me. I CHOSE to be manipulated. I LET her manipulate me. And I did NOT react in an authentic way!!!! So, next time I will get a call from her, or ANYONE else with an equal question, I will NOT react the same EVER again!
First I want to choose for myself how I FEEL about it. And I will choose to stay loyal to ME! I realized that I felt discomfort about this situation so I decided to call her up again. I told her that I had agreed to meet with her, but that I only was doing it for giving HER comfort, while forgetting about MY own comfort. I told her that I did NOT want to meet with her on that Friday and wanted to make another appointment within a month. Her answer was short:
“So you are telling me that you believe YOU are more important than a friend that NEEDS your support. You are telling me that you don’t LOVE me enough to put aside your things to join me? Is this what you are telling me?”
My answer was: “I believe I am as important as you are to you. My love for you has not changed at all.”
She did not listen to me anymore but ended the conversation abruptly……
Does this mean that I was to take the blame for this? It USED to be that way, but now I was stunned by my own reaction….I realized that my love for her STILL had not changed, but the way I looked at her and she at me DID change. I chose to be authentic, even in this situation as I agreed before to meet her at that Friday. I have learned NOT to feel guilty anymore, because I decide to live my life the way I feel is good for ME. Selfish? No, not at all. I chose to do what I felt. And I do NOT choose EVER again to do things “THE OTHERS” expect me to do. Because it has to do ONLY with what THEY want. It could have been a total different conversation; we could have agreed to meet within a month. And kept contact when she wanted to do that by phone. But I did not do it HER way, which SHE translated to her perception: I did not love her enough… That is her belief, not mine.
And the time that other ones “MONKEYS” are jumping over on MY shoulder have ended. A “MONKEY” is a problem, thought, judgment etc. that belongs to another person and this person wants YOU to carry his or her monkey. So THEY feel relieved and can start laughing again, happy that the monkey has jumped over… People who COST energy, who use you as a gas station to tank themselves with “SUPER”, make you feel tired, even can make you feel exhausted. Why? Because you LET them do that! So by choosing people that GIVE you energy, you will get a balanced life in that perspective. And BELIEVE me, that feels SO MUCH BETTER!!!