Hurt can have different faces. I can feel hurt in different perspectives. Emotionally or physically. What do I decide, what do I choose?
Mmm, that’s an interesting thought…
I own believes that I created myself, but do I own the events that hurt me physically too? I will give you an example. In August 2006, I was in a car accident. Both cars total loss….I got hit by another car that drove through red light with 120 kilometers an hour. Now, I don’t know how much that is in miles but it was a very fast driving car!!!
My first thought was within a second:
‘Gee! Did I just drive through red?’But I did not do that and this other car just drove into. What to do? I remember I almost putted my hands before my eyes, but I could get control over myself in time and decided not to do that. I was in the car and I needed to do SOMETHING…. Then, out of the blue….I suddenly HEARD my dad’s voice telling me the next:
‘Turn the wheel and step on it!’….
I intuitively reacted and stepped on the gas and turned the wheel…
This has been my most sensible action ever. If not, the other car would have simply smashed me and the police officer I spoke later on, told me that I probably would not have survived it…
How is this possible? A dead dad talking to me, giving me instructions what to do? And believe me, it definitely was my dad’s voice, loud and clear!
For all of you that do not believe in past lives or believe in the possibility of a soul that can live forever, it can be very interesting to read further. For those who are familiar with these phenomena, it will give you more recognition reading it.
I got hurt, my daughter Elise sat next to me and felt a little pain in her back but further seemed to be okay. I felt an immediate flashing and sharp pain in my neck that took my breath away in a single second. A few minutes later the ambulance was there and they examined my neck. Nothing broken….….
Now, at that time I never heard about the Option Institute way of thinking, I will shorten that from now on as “TOIWOT”…
So I only felt HURT! However, I am not a person that acts like a drama queen, so I first wanted to know how the guy that caused the accident was doing. I even helped him walk to my car; he walked badly because he was hurt at his knee. I felt kind of dizzy and not there. Still I forced myself to ask the guy how HE felt and did not bother all too much about me. In “TOIWOT” I would have reacted totally different. I FIRST would have wanted to know how I was doing and THEN would have DECIDED to go to the other guy or not. Now I did not care about me, I cared about the guy. Here is the learning, when you would like to see it and make it yours:
ALWAYS take FIRST care of YOU, before you take care of THE OTHERS…. Why? Because only a GOOD YOU can help THE OTHERS.
The decision however is always up to you. Maybe you don’t feel like helping out on that moment. Or you are way too much stressed because the accident did upset you in a certain way. Making a decision means that you first have the possibility to THINK it over and THEN CHOOSE what to do with that. Without creating guilt. Why would you create a negative feeling while you can create a positive one? Why would you choose to feel bad when you can feel happy? It’s all up to you! As I was sitting there in my damaged car, I thought pain would be over within a few weeks. No pain anymore, it would definitely vanish, because I wanted it to vanish. But apparently this event had a hidden message for me I did not see at that time. I just looked at it in a way of an accidental event. Though I normally DO take out the insight out of events, I did not do that now. Apparently i did not WANT to see it…We live in the year 2009 now, it has been over more than 3 years ago and my neck is still troubling me in a terrible way. I do not WANT it to hurt this much and I did not CHOOSE for that at all! So what was the well hidden, secret insight I did not want to take in?A talk with my ergo therapist Maartje Wilcke, clarified this. And when I am totally honest to me, I already KNEW this from the start. Here’s what she said:
‘You are a strong willing person, you go on and on. The willpower you create can be both a friend and an enemy. The reason why this all happened probably was that you did not choose to SEE that you had to slow down life.’
Later that week I talked to Jeroen Roor, a very nice guy who is a member of the revalidation team I take programs in. He is a psychologist and wanted to know how he could possibly guide me through the pain and complaints I have because of the whiplash. This is what he told me:
‘I cannot say that I see something I can help you with. We are colleagues and you know exactly what is going on here. I see an eccentric powerful woman, who has made herself into a force of nature. Your bad experiences in life are seen as a gift by you, so you transformed something very negative into something very powerful positive! It has made you into the strongwilling person you are now. You have created a huge and powerful force out of your misery and can take a lot. The only thing is that you seem to ignore your body, your neck is giving you signals to slow down, what is necessary to come next before you will do less in one day?’…………….
Mmm……good question. At that particular moment, I realized that one remark stayed with me for my entire life uptill now. I used to know a woman, she was the mother of my boyfriend in these days. I was having a cold and said I did not feel well. Then she spoke these legendary words:
‘Well, I don’t feel good either, but you will never hear ME say ANYTHING about that. You are such a nagging person!’
I bought that belief. I really believed I was an excessive gal, even believed that I was a naggy bitch that talked about little complaints that were of no interest at all to others. So I made a deal with myself. I would NEVER talk about ANYTHING to bother others with my sobbing remarks. I totally judged myself here. Took over the belief of the boyfriends mom. And kept it alive uptill I realized that I did not do that at all! And that even when I would like to nag or sob about ANY pain or discomfort, it would be MY DECISION! Regardless what THE OTHERS will say or think about that! What a relief! YAY for “TOIWOT’! YAY for me!!!!!
So, Jeroen Roor told me something I knew. Maartje Wilcke told me. They both told me something I refused to see. I did not take out the lesson that life wanted to learn me because I simply did not give myself the TIME to do that. Always in a hurry, creating and loving, while still lesson number one was missing:
“FIRST TAKE CARE OF ME!!!!”……….
I had to make a planning for the week and then write down what I really DID. Well, I can tell you that this has been a HUGE insight to me. I realized myself with a SHOCK that I DID put 32 hours in a 24 hours day. I DID went to bed at 01.30 or even later (02.45 was no exception here) and DID get up early. I WORKED and WORKED and OVERWORKED myself. I lost myself creating all kind of things for THE OTHERS….., forgetting ME totally. I do have to tell you that my nights were terrible, this is why I started to go to bed later and later too. The pain in my neck was killing me and I still wake up often because of the sharp pain. That makes me feel real tired, but I got used to that too. I accepted the pain and the not sleeping periods. Therefore I did NOT CHOOSE to SENSE my body that much and decided to ignore the signals my body was giving me, my neck in particular. Now back to the first lines of this writing:
“Hurt can have different faces. I can feel hurt in different perspectives. Emotionally or physically. What do I decide? “
Did ignoring this all deminish my pain? No! Did it make me feel better physically? No! What did it give me then? It gave me a period of time in which I first had to be aware, before I could take out the learning here.
So, when it comes to make a DECISION to FEEL hurt in a mentally or a physical way, I know now that I can make a different decision. I decided to be more aware, to be more in the NOW. I decided to CHOOSE a better time-management for me. Which influences my life and my hurt (my neck) in a very positive way.
These are the rules I decide I want to hold on to:
1) Start the day with breakfast
2) Work no more than one hour and then take 10 to 15 minutes break, I put down a kitchen timer, works GREAT!
3) Have lunch.
4) Give myself space in creating relaxation time once a day
5) Do no more than ONE thing in the house per day
6) Go to bed at a more normal time ( between 00.00 and 00.30)
Together with “TOIWOT” I created a whole different world. For those of you, who are interested in “TOIWOT” (The Option Institute Way Of Thinking) please go to:
When you are not able to go to the programs, order the cd’s! Read the books! And change your life into the way you REALLY want to live it! Illusion? NO! It’s reality. It is a place for miracles!
I have learned that I OWN my beliefs. That I can CHOOSE how I feel. That only I am responsible for ME, not for THE OTHERS. That I do NOT own other persons thoughts and therefore know, that when other persons think different than me, or even judge me, it has NOTHING to do with me! It has to do with the way THEY see the world. It is telling all about them and their beliefs! What a life! I love the life I create each day over and over again.
I LOVE Brian in my life HUGELY, the way we work and laugh talk and live together. Even when we are apart in a physical way like we are doing now. We FEEL each other because we WANT to feel this. We DECIDE that! Even when we know we have to live in different world continents, we are travelling together, each day, each hour, each minute, each second. We are connected by soul and it deepens our love in a way that is a miracle to both of us…. we miss each other terribly as well, but we FEEL connected, because we decided we ARE connected and want to STAY connected for a lifetime. Effortless togetherness….
I hope this blog will give you the thoughts and the tools to be able to make your life into your life…exactly the way YOU WANT IT! The Option Institute can help you to find and work with the tools that can change your life. as it did our lives….the life we always wanted….