One of the things I’d LIKE to do is to post comments to articles on so-called “expert” dating sites with rebuttals to the unadulterated crap that you are being taught about how to have a great relationship or dating experience. Unfortunately, although most news and other sites have space to put your own comments, most dating articles do not, probably indicating a lack of self-confidence by the author–NOT a good sign from someone trying to tell you how to live what, for most people, is the most important facet of their life! With that in mind, we will be taking a look at some articles from various singles and dating “expert” writers and adding our thoughts here. This is the first, and it is on one of my favorite subjects when it comes to getting off on the WRONG foot–the first impression! This article is probably very indicative of “expert” opinions on first impressions, and, to me, is ABSOLUTELY the OPPOSITE of how to take the first step towards a GREAT relationship! (My added comments are in bold italic)
From Yahoo! Dating
Link to the actual original article: http://ca.dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/88612/dating-101-first-date-fashion-faux-pas
DATING 101: FIRST-DATE FASHION FAUX PAS
Four tips on what not to wear
By dating editor Catesby Holmes for YourTango.com
Updated: Dec 3, 2009
Advising women about what not to wear on a date is a significantly easier task than suggesting what to wear. Why? Simply because so many outfit choices are potentially wrong. Despite their seeming oblivion, single men actually do notice what a woman wears. “It does matter,” says Jeffrey, a New York-based social worker. “A woman’s attire conveys to others how she feels about the occasion at hand.”
Therefore, to help you avoid communicating something you’d probably prefer not to — such as disinterest, promiscuity, prudishness, or insanity — we have compiled a guide to dating-fashion errors. In light of the above quote, to me the BEST thing you could do was wear exactly what DOES portray what you’re feeling, even if that is “disinterest, promiscuity, prudishness, or insanity”. Whatever portrays the REAL you, show that!
1. DON’T FORGET TO GET READY. “I consider the time a girl invests in an outfit a possible indicator of how interested she may be in me,” says Greg, a 26-year-old law
student. “I still remember when a date showed up wearing jeans and a plain white t-shirt the first time we went out. She looked good, but the lack of effort was disappointing.” While Greg may use his fashion acumen to choose who to get laid with, he’s NOT heading towards a GREAT longer-term relationship. For GREAT long-term relationships, you WANT someone who shows EXACTLY who they are, all the time! If someone is a jeans & t-shirt guy or gal, show it! If you are strictly Armani, show it! You want to show the other person who you are as openly and quickly as possible so they know EXACTLY what they are getting in you, rather than an IMAGE (in fact, a LIE) of who you are.
Greg is not alone. All the gents I polled agreed that they appreciate observing some special effort. So avoid wearing jeans and t-shirts, ratty or dirty clothing, pajama bottoms, or anything else to suggest that your date’s opinion means less to you than C-SPAN’s faithful coverage of all-night filibusters. Good thing she didn’t poll me! I don’t want special effort, I want YOU, just the way you are! That will help me to make the best decision about whether you are who I am looking for, and that’s what you want! Either way! Because if you don’t match what I’m looking for, it allows me to tell you right away, thus SAVING YOU time and effort!
2. DON’T OVEREXPOSE YOURSELF. While desirability certainly impresses a man, it’s not necessarily the best date tactic to flaunt everything you’ve got. Stereotypes and judgments suck, of course, but they’re part of our daily reality — so keep your cards close in the beginning. Even though you know that your big intellect can coexist with your high heels and minidress, your naive date may think the outfit represents something less flattering, like desperation or promiscuity. And those interpretations can dissuade a guy. Wow! Everything in this bullet point has disaster written all over it! First, fuck impressing anyone! (did you get the double-irony in that line, LOL?) Second, YES, stereotypes and judgments exist, and you want to BRING THEM OUT in the person you are with! So wear exactly what you want! If they buy into the stereotypes or they judge you–GREAT! NEXT! The quicker the better! If they decide you seem desperate or promiscuous, they have two choices: continue to assume, or ask you about it. If they ask, you probably have a good start on someone that will be an open communicator. And so what if that person’s assumptions dissuade them? That’s actually perfect! I’m a HUGE believer in communication, so if that person assumes things without asking or going deeper, they’re not someone I would be interested in at all anyway.
“I like to get a sense of a woman’s figure by what she’s wearing,” says Eric, a musician, “but I get turned off if they wear something too attention-grabbing.” Why? Also, guys are imaginative creatures (after all, when was the last time you played fantasy baseball?), so leaving them with something to dream up — like what your figure will look like once he does get to see it — can only enhance your next encounter. Again, this is probably useful advice if you are just wanting to get laid (and, by the way, there’s nothing at all wrong with that), but absolutely NOT useful for looking for a great long-term relationship. BE YOURSELF!!!
3. DON’T PLAY THE FOXY INTELLECTUAL (UNLESS YOU ARE ONE). Tina Fey of “30 Rock” manages to achieve an enviable blend of brainy and beautiful, it’s true — but that look is a tough one to rock. You probably are brainy and beautiful (aren’t we all?), but it’s best to eschew the too-obvious indicators of intellectual seriousness, like
reading glasses, high-necked blouses, and formless clothing. Witty conversation and references to an impressive resume are more attractive ways to convey your smarts. Ugh! More about IMAGE! The WORST thing you can do when looking for a GREAT relationship is try and come up with an IMAGE, whatever one it may be! This person is giving advice to avoid one image and instead go for one a little less difficult to portray! Hilarious! BE YOURSELF! Wear what you like and have conversations you would want to have with your best friend. In the end you will portray the exact level of intellect you have, the exact level of humor you have, the exact level of emotion you have, and that’s what gives the other person a REAL view of YOU! This 1) helps them decide more quickly if you are a match for what they’re looking for, and 2) it encourages them to do the same–be themselves, so that you can get a clear view of who they ACTUALLY are, also making it easier for YOU to make a clear decision of if they are what YOU are looking for.
4. DON’T DRESS LIKE SOMEONE YOU AREN’T. At the end of the day, what really matters is that your style represents what you’ve got going on inside. “Outfits are like icing,” says Cole. “It’s part of the package, but it’s the cake that really matters. If the cake ain’t good, the icing ain’t gonna make or break it.” If you aren’t a vixen at heart, forgo the five-inch stilettos and plunging neckline. If you aren’t frilly and feminine, forgo the sundress. Clothing is the visual manifestation of our personality, confidence, and style. Steer clear of outfits that imply buttercream when on the inside you’re pure red velvet. This point I’m actually mostly in agreement with, but leading with the word “style”…that’s a loaded word to me…and a four-letter one at that. But I 100% agree to wear on the outside who you are on the inside.
This article, for the most part, is about IMAGE. And it’s also about playing it SAFE. Create an image that’s not too edgy, not too this, not too that, but it’s still about image. Don’t create an image! Don’t play it safe if that’s not you! Be yourself and you invite the other person to do the same, and remember: NOT getting a second date with someone who DOESN’T match you is a HOME RUN success!