Self-esteem is a very huge thing when it comes to pick the right fit for you. Do you choose to be authentic all the way? Or do you believe it is important to impress the partner to be, with the inauthentic you? And how do you choose to communicate? In a way you think will be attractive, or intellectual to your future partner? Many people I know try to impress their dates by being inauthentic. They wear their best dress, make-up and best suits. They try to look different than they are to impress. And then, after a few weeks or months, the first signs of being inauthentic will come up.
What has this all to do with a lack of self- esteem?
When you are afraid of NOT getting the right partner in your life, this can have several reasons. For example; you think you are too fat, too ugly or too stupid to get the partner you really want. Or your belief is that you can never find the perfect match because that only happens in movies. Or your belief is that it can NEVER happen to you! It only happens to The Others!
Why do we do that?
The way we look at ourselves is mostly in a judging way. This starts in our early days. We look at The Others who are popular, we identify ourselves with them and when we look at ourselves and that view in the mirror tells us that we do not match that, we get upset. We start to look at ourselves through the eyes of The Others….This increases the more we start to look in that way. We want to look like Barbie, or we want to behave like Madonna, or we want to be as tough as Rambo. Meaning that we build up a fake personality with fake communication. I have taught my children to be EXACTLY who they are. Even when that means they are more vulnerable than The Others. Just be YOU!
In my office I talk to very many people with problems. And the most incredible things that seem to overcome them! But NOTHING happens without a reason. When you do NOT connect to your inner self, when you have learned to be a look- a- like of someone else, you will feel unhappy. Maybe not at the start of it, but it will give you several issues to handle later on.
When you consider yourself to be a left- over you will settle for less than the ultimate love. You will live with this partner you even did not pick yourself, but who picked you…and you said YES, because you were happy that there was this guy or girl that seemed to WANT you….
This is why it is so important to make YOUR OWN WANTSLIST! It will clear up everything inside of you, because when you can make a wants list of what you REALLY want, you even don’t have to think if it can happen, you just write down what YOUR WANTS are!
Then, when you read it back, you might think it’s IMPOSSIBLE to get this fit! I have an advice for you….DON’T BELIEVE THAT!
You can make up your OWN beliefs, starting with that EVERYTHING is possible as long as YOU believe it!
Ignore that little grumpy teasing and sometimes even irritating voice that keeps on telling lies to you. Such as: That will NEVER EVER happen to you.
STOP judging yourself. Does it make you happy? NO! So why would you CHOOSE to be UNHAPPY when you have the ability to choose to be HAPPY?
My Brian has had several rejections in his life for what’s about romantic interest in women. Did that make him unhappy? NO! Why not? First of all because Brian totally accepts himself the way he is and therefore he doesn’t feel this as a rejection. Second of all, because Brian does accept himself, he does NOT judge himself and therefore Brian is not a left- over. He sees himself as an intelligent, humorous, giving, caring, most loving person and he loves being Brian! He made a wants list and totally believed he would find the perfect match. He believed in the right time and place to find his romantic partner for a lifetime. And look what happened! Even the distance (there is an ocean between us) was no problem. We connected through our beliefs, our wants and our persistent way of KNOWING and BELIEVING that there is a universe that takes care of us in a HUGE way. With two feet on the ground in the here and now, we are both convinced of the endless possibilities of the universe, or the Light. We never stopped believing that there was a PERFECT match for us. Not even when we broke up with partners. Because we both had the same belief; all of these relationships were a building up. To connect to the perfect fit! And it is…..We totally accept each other the way we are, we love each other endlessly and our days are filled with joy, humor and good conversations. Our view on life is the same, though we are two different persons, we connect as one.
Now, back on the left-over business. When you make a decision, make it a good one. Stop judging yourself. Start to make yourself compliments and focus on the beautiful things you have or are able to do. Stop making a huge thing out of body parts that would not be perfect. You ARE PERFECT!
Stop wanting a left- over, stop being a left- over. Why? Because there is no such thing as left- overs!
It is a judging way of looking at yourself and others. Stop THINKING for The Others! They can think for themselves. And last but not least; start LOVING yourself. Right now! Because you are the most beautiful person, just the way you are! When you feel a resistance in this, just change your belief. Is it that easy? YES! I personally do not believe in trying, I believe in doing. So start giving yourself the most important gift of life; LOVE yourself! You are the one to decide how to feel, act or think. So better chose to feel happy with you, exactly the way you are. It will bring you a world of difference….