To believe or not to believe, that is the question……
I asked myself this question a lot of times in my life and still do that every now and then. I asked people around me, clients as well. How do you know which belief is YOUR belief?
And what are the beliefs of The Others? Beliefs that you bought?
Ah! Interesting questions here!
First of all it can be a challenge to look at some beliefs you hold right now. I will give you a few examples to think about.
– It is rude and impolite to burp at the table.
– Never take the last cookie.
– Always think about the other person first.
– Be realistic and do not chase dreams.
– Never act like you know everything.
– Always offer your seat to older persons when you see one.
– Whenever you feel sick, ignore it and don’t be a pussy.
– Responsibility is good; choosing to take life easy is bad.
– Never betray another person.
– Never tell a lie.
– It is good to have a career; it is bad not to have one.
– Never date a guy that cannot take care of you financially.
– The only way to success is by working hard.
– No pain no gain!
– Relationships take work…
– You have to take the bad with the good.
– Nobody gets what he really wants.
– Better marry a rich guy/ gal, than a poor one.
– All foreign people are not trustful; it is a different culture thing.
Etc. etc. etc……Be honoust, when you see this picture of the little (Dutch)guy, what belief do you hold? And how do you know if this is true or not? This picture has led it’s own life, many people have had opinions about it, but what do we really know about this guy? And how this picture has changed his life? What do we base our beliefs on? And are these our own beliefs? Or the beliefs of The Others? Do you realize what’ s the influence of The Others in this? Of newspapers, internet, talking about it? And what it does to you?
Reading all of the, so called, good and worthy advices, notes or opinions, just notice what you FEEL…..Do you agree with them, do you hesitate, do you think these are not true at all? And why do you believe that this is true? Ask yourself another question here: Is this the way I really WANT to believe? Whatever your answer may be, ask yourself another one: Where did I get this belief from? Who taught me this? And the final question could be: Do I WANT to hold on to this particular belief? Why do I choose to do that?
When I go back to my own youth, I was brought up with lots of beliefs I wanted to let go off. Much of them never were my beliefs at all, because I was a kid that always wanted to know WHY I was taught these beliefs. Like:
‘Always and ONLY think about The Others, you are not important’…
I knew as a child, that I was born to DO something with my life. I wanted to be a giver, sure enough, still want that. But the difference in this was that my mother seemed to be convinced that she and I were not born to matter that much. I disagreed. I wanted to matter! I wanted to make and to be a difference to The Others. This has brought many conflicts in our cozy family house.
Another example is that I thought of myself as being fat, “cursed” with cellulite from my 13th on, ugly, way too different than others from my age and not lovable at all. I thought about life in a totally different way than anyone I knew, felt isolated and wanted to work on myself. Though nobody EVER told me I was ugly, fat, or unlovable, I created the belief that I was different and ugly. The next question is why?
I noticed that other girls were thin, therefore beautiful and I was not.
Did The Others isolate me? No! I did!
Did the working on myself help me to look different? No!
Did I do this to myself? Yes!
Did I want to hold on to that belief? No!
So I started to look at me in a different way. I CHOSE to start thinking NICE about myself. And I STOPPED looking at myself through the assumed look of The Others!
And guess what happened?
I began to feel more relaxed; I did not think about what others might or might not think and changed my belief that I was not worthy enough. I wanted to be the person I really felt I was en began to act like me! What a relief! No more sayings to please The Others, no more worrying about what they would say or think! I realized that I was a beautiful person and truly wanted to hold on to that belief.
And THEN, the UNEXPECTED started to develop…..I got invited more; classmates wanted me to help them with their homework, still that all did not satisfy me in a huge way. Reason for exploring more. And I did. Still do. How about you? Do you know your relationship with you? Are you curious about exploring that more? Seeing life as a challenge, a great adventure of possibilities? Then don’t hesitate! Knowing you and your own true beliefs is one of the most precious gifts you could possibly give to YOU! A great place to learn to do this is through a workshop called Optimal Self-Trust ( http://www.option.org/programs:optimal-self-trust,3 ) at The Option Institute ( http://www.option.org/index.php ).
Last thing I want to add to this all is something Brian taught me. I never wanted to be photographed, always thought I did not look good on pictures. Brian said he thought the same untill he changed his belief in this. He started to think he was beautiful and always looking good on pictures. As he does! So here is a picture of us together, taken in a very relaxed moment, just the way we are, happily ourselves and literally good looking!