This oft-quoted phrase from Bears (Barry Neil Kaufman, co-founder of The Option Institute (OI), www.option.org ) in programs at OI, is variously attributed in web searches to 1) anonymous, 2) Anais Nin, 3) the Talmud, 4) Shirley MacLaine, 5) Dr. Stephen Covey, 6) Immanuel Kant, etc., etc. Which, of course, proves it’s own point!
This is truly a key to understanding why it is that our world is so diverse in religion, philosophy, politics, art, music, relationships…everything! If there was actually ONE “TRUTH” about the world, we would have only one religion, one political system, one style of art, one way of doing relationships–how BORING!!! Conflicts in our world arise when we believe we know the “truth” AND don’t accept someone else who thinks otherwise. ALL wars and genocides arise from this view of “truth”. John Lennon wrote in the song “Imagine”:
Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace…
In my mind, it’s actually easier than that. Have countries. Have religions. Have possessions. Just let go of NEEDING someone else to believe the same as you. If you understand that you see the world as YOU ARE, rather than as IT IS, you can allow others to then see it their way also. Believing the world exist as IT IS and YOU are the only one who sees it exactly as IT IS eventually leads you to increasingly ridiculous statements to support your claims. I’ve had an ongoing discussion with some devout Christians about the wording in the bible. In order to support their belief that there is only “one truth”, they state that the bible is the “word of God”…every word of it, word for word. In English. To which I reply: how can that be? It was not even written down for years, sometimes centuries, many times translated, both within the same languages, and then from language to language to eventually be found in varying forms of English. Let’s face it, there are currently hundreds of English language versions of the bible right now. Where the words differ, how does one decide which is “right”? Ask someone who is a supporter of the “biblical literalist” persuasion which version is “right” and why and see what they say. By the way, I’m a christian. I just don’t need someone to see God the same way I do.
That’s just an example of how we see the world as we are. There are TONS of others, I just picked religion since it tends to bring up STRONG beliefs in people.
What does all this have to do with relationships??? It has a TREMENDOUS impact when it comes to finding someone to create a GREAT relationship with! This is an extension of something I wrote in an earlier blog about not having to have the same interests in order to have a great relationship. What is much more important is that you see the world the same way. And this idea, about the world being the way WE SEE it is very useful knowledge in finding someone who fits you. Why? Because someone who sees the world in the same way you do, someone who believes the mechanics of the way the world works is the same as you see it will respond to what the world brings your way in the same way you do. They will handle conflict with the same tools you do. They will see how others operate in the same way you do.
In specific regard to Mary and I, we both see the world through the Stimulus-Belief-Response model (noted before, find a detailed explaination here: http://www.option.org/the-option-institute/what-we-teach/37 ), and we both believe there are no such things as mistakes or wrong turns, that any time something happens, we don’t have to know the reason for it now, we believe that the cause for it happening is in the future and we will find out what that is eventually (a concept taught in the Option Institute program Calm Amid Chaos: http://www.option.org/programs:calm-amid-chaos,16 ). What this means is that when either a crisis or a success occurs, we both respond in the same way and it feels really AWESOME! To have it feel like it’s so natural the way we respond together. I don’t have to explain to her that if she feels unhappy, she is the one doing it, and she doesn’t have to explain to me that if I feel stressed, I’m the one doing it. And it means that when either one of us does some form of unhappiness, the other quickly, gently and easily asks if an Option Process Dialogue is desired, or tosses out a sweet reminder to be in the moment and that together we are unstoppable! I feel like she is an extension of me. We sometimes finish each others’ sentences, and often feel as if we are reading each others’ minds! Because we are so close in how we see the world (as WE ARE), it makes our life together a sweetly entwined, memory-creating experience of joy!
How do you get this for yourself? It all starts with that “Wants List” that we talked about in earlier posts ( https://findreallove.wordpress.com/2009/10/06/wants-lists-how-to-do-one-and-why-theyre-powerful/, https://findreallove.wordpress.com/2009/10/07/brians-wants-list/, and https://findreallove.wordpress.com/2009/10/07/marys-wants-list/ ) . The more specific you are in your wants list, and the more it matches your feelings and experiences towards the world, and the more you look and wait for someone who sees it and experiences it the same way you do, the more you will experience this feeling of joy and effortlessness when it comes to relationships. It’s there for you! Just keep refining what you want and don’t settle until you get it!