Should You Lie to Your Husband? Figure out which fibs will help or harm your marriage
Oh, come on now, this is just TOO EASY! Like shootin’ fish in a barrel! Oh well, they asked for it by putting this rubbish out there, soooooooo, open season! Let’s have some fun!!!
Here’s the intro:
“Into every marriage a little lying must fall. While some small fibs can be a sweet way to boost your man’s ego, others may ultimately be harmful to your relationship. Here are eight common marriage lies and the verdict on the benefits or damage that bending the truth will cause.”
So let me get this right: Woman’s Day Magazine (and website) with a print circulation of 3.8 millon per month and 2 million web visitors per month are advocated the following beliefs: 1) lying is a part of every marriage, and 2) some lies are healthy, beneficial ones! What a GREAT thing to base your relationship on, if you’re one of the lucky 22 million annual readers!!! So what are these “eight common marriage lies”?
Lie 1: You look great!
If he’s asked you how he looks in the suit he hasn’t worn in a year, and you’re already en route to a family wedding, telling him he looks fantastic (even if you wish he’d picked the tie without the dancing penguins) can’t hurt, and may make the whole affair more fun for both of you.
I’m going to address this one rather seriously because there are some GREAT learnings to be had from it! First, what happens when you say “yes, honey, you look great!”? This person (male or female actually, because I believe this is actually a lie that happens FAR MORE the other direction, ie: man to woman) is telling their partner that they LIKE this outfit, when they, in fact, don’t. This means that in the future, each time this person is faced with the same type of event, they will be thinking, “hey, he/she REALLY liked this outfit, so I’ll wear it for them!” So not only have you now TAUGHT them to wear something you don’t like/isn’t appropriate, but now if you decide to tell THE TRUTH, you have to own up to the fact that you LIED about liking it in the past! Think of all that brain activity and energy you have to expend to hold on to a lie! Not to mention that once you’ve done it once, it will come easier to you in the future: 1) “I got away with it before”, 2) “it was no biggie then, so it’s no biggie for this one too”.
Bears (Barry Neil Kaufman, co-founder of The Option Institute, www.option.org ) likes to tell an actual story in class about a couple he was working with who had been together for 20+ years. Every Friday, for 20 years, the wife would make the man’s “favorite” meal. And the man would eat it because his wife “loved” to make it for him. In the course of this discussion, each revealed a secret to the other. The man said he actually DIDN’T LIKE that food, but he ate it because his wife put so much time and effort into it that he didn’t want to tell her that he didn’t like it. The wife said she HATED making it because it took so much time and effort that she would rather have spent just being with him, but she didn’t want to tell him this because she thought he LOVED it so much! Think of how much time, effort and unhappiness would have been saved if one–OR THE OTHER–had simply been honest!!!
On we go! I’m not going to address the 3 lies they advise NOT to do, since, of course, I agree in these cases, since I advocate for complete authenticity. But just so you know the ones that Woman’s Day DOES consider too “bad” to lie about: #5) “I DID have an orgasm last night” (when you didn’t), #7) “Saying ‘I’m fine’ when he asks how you are (even if you’re not)”, and #8) “That high school boyfriend on Facebook? I have no feelings for him!”.
Lie 2: Sex with you is the best I’ve ever had.
Verdict: Mostly benign
“I try never to lie about sex,” says Alisa Bowman, who blogs about marriage at ProjectHappilyEverAfter.com. “It’s difficult enough to remain attracted to someone after years of marriage—being dishonest makes it harder.” That said, some men simply don’t want the truth that deep in your past you had earth-shaking sex with someone else.
EGADS!!! There’s almost too much disastrous advice in here to handle! The Titanic was in better shape after whacking the iceberg than relationships based on these beliefs are! So let’s, from a place of perceived authority, mind you, tell millions of people that your partner will no longer light your fire a few years down the road! What a crock of SHIT! If you no longer find your partner attractive after years of marriage–it’s a BELIEF, but here it’s being couched as a FACT. Then you’ve got the author stating 1) this is an OK lie, and 2) that men (which she is NOT) don’t want to hear about the GREAT sex you’ve had in the past! *Sheesh*! Are you kidding me? Great relationships come from openness and honesty. Hiding and lying leads to psychosis. Which would you prefer? Whenever Mary brings up great sex she’s had in the past, I’m quick to mine her experiences for ways to IMPROVE our already GREAT sex life! I ask MORE questions, more specifics, down to the details, because 1) I want to give her the most pleasure during our enjoyment of each other that I can, and 2) this is EASY for me because I don’t judge myself for not being the greatest lover ever. This gives me the ability to openly learn more about what pleasures her without feeling inadequate or “less than” in any way!
Well, there’s more to address in this issue, but now I’m off with my sweetheart to do some errands and pick up some yummies for New Year’s Eve, so come back for Part 2 TOMORROW! Until then, may your New Year’s Eve be wonderful and I, personally and genuinely wish that this will be the MOST WONDERFUL, LOVING, HAPPY year of your life!!!