Brian and Mary; how to live Love…
As I was reading the post Brian did on our blog, I was smiling. This time I really want you readers to tell you more about our life together.
Brian and I are devoted to each other with a fresh “wind” in between…meaning that we accept each other the way we are, having our own space when we feel to be in that, enjoy our differences and our mutual views and enjoy our life extremely! Each single second….no argues, no shouting, no fights. Just a peaceful and very inspiring togetherness.
Trust, comfort, cozy feelings, simple loving moments, a good walk through the snow with Dozer our dog( 20 centimeters now , for the first time in many years!)writing together at the table, having breakfast, fresh roles from the oven, watching a movie in bed, hand in hand, with the pillows around us, warm and cozy, talking about films, making plans, feeling totally overwhelmed by seeing the Northern Lights on television as Joanne Lumley was there with a camera team (crying silently because of the immense beauty of that!),dialoging about things that pop up, it’s a wonderful world we create!
Looking back at the blog, we have had thousands of views on our blog. Reaching out for all of these readers, in order to hand over the tools that can create a better loving life for them is a challenge and a wonderfully satisfying event!
Sometimes it adjusts something, in other times it will confirm you. We are both feeling so much blessed by this blog!
Brian and I are not keeping secrets, hidden agendas, or lying to one another. We are open books, we want to be the persons we truly are. We are authentic to each other all the time. Does that make us more vulnerable? NO! Hell no! Just the opposite! It makes us feel free, totally opened and totally loved! We know each other, BECAUSE we are truly authentic to each other…
How many of you can say they are? Brian and I do NOT lie about things, not even when the truth could hurt the other. We say things in a very caring and very loving way. And we TALK about it! We do NOT feel ashamed to say when we do not like something the other does. Why would we? Hide it in order to “keep the peace”? God, NO!
When I see something that Brian does, for example he slurps his coffee, the old belief my mum gave me was: “It is not polite at all to do that and it is telling something about the education of a person that does so!” This is a judgmental belief which I do not want to continue. So, I am sitting at the table while Brian slurps his chocolate coffee and is enjoying this even more by blowing circles in it before drinking ….Hahahahaha! When I still would have bought the old belief, which was not mine but my mum’s, I would have been totally devastating irritated and would have judged it. Now, the first time I heard him slurp, I smiled, looked at him and thought:”How cute! See how he blows circles in his coffee en hear him enjoy this by slurping it! I got rid of the old belief by THINKING it over…Was it I who believed this or was it something that was learned? And did I want to hold on to that belief, or did I want to dis- cover my own belief in this? As I was thinking this over, I knew there was more to come. It’s like a snow ball that is rolling down the hill, you cannot stop it and it will gain more snow and have more effect during the increasing rolling down the hill! The nice effect of it is that we feel more and more relieved doing this process of thinking and dis- covering our old beliefs. We throw away some of them and gain other beliefs that fit US!
Whatever the reasons may have been for my mother to teach this beliefs, they were taught out of the belief that this was the right thing to do for us.
Last week I was on the phone with my mum and she told me she was very proud of me, because of the way I do things in life. Even the leaving for America, she does not believe that this is the right decision for me at all, but she does admire and respects me for doing this. I am doing things she will never dare to do. She told me that in spite of all the rough times in my life, she thinks highly of me. Because I never gave up. Because I always searched to find the positive out of disasters. And because I always decided to trust people the way I wanted to trust them. The Others have taken benefits out of me, have stolen my money, have hit me, tried to choke me, threatened me with a knife, raped me, tried to drive me over, have taken everything from me that was visible. But they never took away who I was. Still, I do trust people who I choose to trust. I have learned from everything. I have felt humiliated, but strongly realized at the same time, that it was I who gave ME that feeling. The Other person who was the stimulus in this, did not MAKE me feel unhappy, this person did not have the power to do that. I did.
Knowing this all and understanding how things like this work out, I can say that I feel a blessed woman with a rich and full life. I have suffered, I have loved, I have gained and I have lost, I have searched and I have found. I found answers to unasked questions. I have gained insights and I have finally found ME….That is the outcome of all that took place and I feel deeply grateful for this gift.
I chose to do no bitterness, but LOVE…Reaching out for The Others, but not forgetting myself.
Brian is exactly the same in this.
We both are convinced that true Love starts with accepting yourself EXACTLY the way you are. And LOVING yourself for who you are. Like we accept each other. For a lifetime.