I was thinking this over as I woke up and thought about the last blog I wrote here.
How is this possible? Why bother about what others did NOT say? Why even thinking about what YOU assume THEY think about you? Is this only a women issue, or do men deal with the same? As I look at my own life I would say no. Men usually do NOT bother that much about fictive things, they can bother about facts. But as in all generally assumed opinions, this is very personal. Still the question remains: why ruminating about what was not said?
I believe it has a lot to do with self esteem. The way we react most of the time has to do with the way our parents, teachers, friends etc. looked at it. We absorbe all kind of teachings and we believe this is the only truth, until we start to think for ourselves. Which starts real quick by the way… Where in earlier times, children only started to get the chance to create their own voice in things they wanted at an adult age, nowadays children develop their wantings at an early age, in an open way. There is more space to develop, parents know more about the phase’s children go through and there is more help from The Others. Day care, au pairs, mothers that look after children of working people, neighbors and so on. Nowadays, a child is brought up in a very fast world to exist in. Mobile phones, computers, internet; there is a whole world to be experienced out there. When I compare this with my own childhood ( Eek! This makes me feel old…..!)I see a totally different world. I can remember the first color television! I had the age of 10 at that time.
With the internet, the world is open to us. To our children. But they also get a whole bunch of information. The self esteem of a kid gets influenced by this all in a huge way. Of course there is also a huge benefit to go with that, a sunny side is shown here too, so to speak. However, the shadow of that sun in my perceptive of this is, that children get more information than they can consume. Some of them get addicted to computer games and even create an alter ego in non existing worlds, in which they can be the person they long to be.
I am not telling you that this is bad or wrong or good or wise. I only see this happening. I see more children use drugs, use more alcohol, having sex from an early age. (Even at the age of 11 or 12). I get a lot of these children in my office. They feel unloved, used, and have two things in common; a lack of self esteem and doing unhappiness. Other children are not able to develop their social skills, computer over more than 8 hours a day as in games, sub -realities and internet surfing. This group of children is increasing. Then there is a group of young girls who think the only way to be attractive is to have a perfect body, like they see on television.
They are unhappy with the way they look. Their personality is captured by a judgmental view on themselves, leading to a lack of self esteem. Young girls start to think about what The Others will think about them. How The Others see them. And start to eat less, practicing unhappiness and giving this a lot of power.
So, what to do with this all? A part of the older and the younger generation seem to be dealing with the same things; a lack of self esteem.
I will leave you with some questions….
Is it okay for you to be you? When you answer this with a YES, congratulations!
If you answer this with a NO, I have another question for you: Why is it NOT okay to be you?………..