Reading the blog Brian wrote, I was thinking back of my life since my children were born. It has not been easy to raise three children, but I feel grateful looking back at it. All of what happened, which was a lot, has contributed to who we are right now. It is true that I have had a rough week. Going to America has a huge impact on me and my children. I love them unconditionally, I have been there for them whenever they needed me, wanted me to be there, waited for them to come home, helped them with all kind of issues and our bond is very strong. I always realized my children are with me, they do not belong to me. They belong to themselves. And now, after 24 years of taking care of my children, it is time to let go. To trust them and the skills and tools they have received and developed, to know that I have done everything I could and feel that this is okay. Life is a great adventure and I have always seen it this way. In spite of everything we have been through, I kept my optimistic view on life and all that happened to me. Of course I have had my times of deep sadness. After 10 years of marriage with the father of my children we divorced. There were circumstances that made it hard to keep contact with him. The children, their father and I have suffered from that in a huge way. It has affected our lives. Still, despite of the misery, it has brought us a lot too. We all have grown into very survived and strong persons, with a huge sense of positive and spiritual awareness. This is why we can look back at this all and say we feel blessed. I am a spiritual person and I have spiritual children. The story of the chicken and the egg? Are they spiritual because I am their mother and live by that? I believe that this is true as well. But I am convinced of it that my children are spiritual from birth on. Even from before that, I believe that children choose their own parents. I believe that everybody has a soul, which is different than the heart. The heart is the physical pump that keeps us alive. Though many people say heart when they mean soul…I have been writing a book about the soul. What the soul can mean in our lives and how to hear our inner voice. All in the here and now we are living in. All kind of questions we ask in our lives, are answered in the book: “Answers from the Light”. Why we are here, what destination is, what insights there are to gain and many, many other questions. I believe there is a benevolent universe. A universe that takes care of us, that is providing us with everything we need, with everything we ask for. I am not the only person that feels and believes this way. Think about “The Secret”, think about television programs such as “The Ghost whisperer”, “The Mentalist”, “Medium”, etc. Even in advertisements we see that coming back, at least here in Holland. Most of us feel, or assume, that there is more in life. Yesterday evening I saw an interview with Oprah Winfrey. She interviewed Whitney Houston, who told her that she did not give interviews for more than 7 years. The reason she did it now was that she trusted Oprah in her questioning. That she wanted to share with the world that she came back into life again. After many years of misery and pain and using drugs, she wanted to share her thoughts about it. Her saying that she felt strong enough to say NO to drugs, to leave her husband and to choose for a life with her daughter on her own, was honest. Her daughter told her to leave the marriage, a very spiritual child, with a lot of wisdom. An old soul. Whitney said that she knew that God took care of her. That she felt safe, knowing that she was connected to God. That nothing in the world could ever change her belief in God. The bond she feels with God made her survive and feel stronger than ever. There are people who call this connection God, other people call it The Light, others call it The Source of it All, The Nirvana or The Universe. It is the same in my perception. Because of the immensely loving and always guiding Universe, I feel blessed. Truly blessed. I have known from my date of birth, that my soul was guided by The Universe. Being a child, I seemed to be different than other children of my age. People came to me to ask advice, children chose me to be the representative of the classes I have been in. Even teachers talked with me about their problems. I simply knew that I was born with certain intentions I wanted to fulfill. One of these intentions was that I wanted to reach out for The Others. The way I would do that was crystal clear to me. I wanted to help them in my practice and in the encounters in my life. The other way was through writing and films. Books and movies that may reach out for people who want to take in certain insights which can help them to improve their lives, their way of thinking and to enrich their souls. The soul is a huge archive of all the events, insights and senses we have ever had. Now and in former, or past lives. Sometimes we “know” things, without the experience in this life to go with that.
I always knew that one day a publisher would ask me to write books. Without even knowing me. Everybody said “O yeah, sure! Dream on Mary!” and laughed about it. Not me. I knew this was going to happen. And it did, at the right time and the right place, I was asked to start writing in 2005. I have published 8 books, the ninth will be published soon. Already written number 10 and writing number 11! I want to translate my book:”Answers from The Light”, we have plans to bring the children books about dolphins, (with ingredients like: friendship, respect, acceptance, adventure, humor and insights in it) to America. The series about Amber and Iris are selling hugely! I get e-mails of a lot of children each day! I did not only want to write nice children books. I wanted to write books in which children could recognize themselves. With spiritual insights in it, not in a teaching way like how they SHOULD act, but in a self discovering way. I write about dolphins and the contact with children. I write about the way these children live, think and act in their lives. They have a friend Umberto who is deaf, they help to conquer the Dark in life. They laugh a lot, make friends and help The Others. Solve problems, each book is an adventure on its own! In the books, the head characters trust their own feelings, they trust on who they are. They are empowered persons.
The series I started with now, are fictive. With special characters and special adventures, like:”The Legend of the White Dolphin”… which I have already finished. Or the book about Nova, a child with special gifts….which I am going to write this year. A real adventure book for children at the age of 12-15.
It has been a huge surprise to me that Brian is a writer too and a real good one too! The way he describes situations is beyond imagination. He can be a painter with words. Brian and I are a team together! Meaning that we will find ways to film the books we write, to make movies out of the books together and in this way, to reach out for The Others. Meaning that the right investor(s) will come at the right time and place. Reaching out for thousands of people to take it in. To work with it in their lives. To translate it into their situation. By the way, I like the description: “The Others” as you probably have already noticed, I use this term a lot. The Others are all of the people who are out there. (after i had seen the movie “The Others”)Listening and non- listening, aware and unaware, readers and non- readers, etc. Without any judgment in it.
Coming back to the blog that Brian wrote yesterday; he is right about me and how I was judging myself for certain things, for what’s about how I raised my children. I was not aware of judging myself at all. Something Elise (my oldest daughter) said in the car, triggered this for me. I have always believed that I was a good mother to my children. Still, there was something, deep hidden inside of me, that felt as doing fear. the “The what if….?” question popped up. What if my children really blamed me for the things I did not do well in their eyes? It had to do with the hidden fear my children would judge me. I talked about this with them a year ago. They do not feel that I was a bad mum to them at all. They even tell me that they are so happy that they chose me to be their mother. That they are grateful for me, being there for them. That everything we have gone through was tough, but that this was a profit too. And on top of that, my children told me that they were wiser, learned how to survive and very social and understanding towards The Others.I believe I was holding on to the hidden and judging belief, because I wanted to be the ultimate loving mum to them. SUPERMUM! Both mother and father. I had the feeling I needed to be more than just their mum. They had suffered enough because of several severe circumstances we were in. I wanted to be a super mum to them,without making “mistakes”. Giving them the norms and values which were important in life. Let them have friends to stay over at our house. Bringing them to events and picking them up, when that was asked or necessary. Looking after them, defending their rights at school. Going to sports and scream my lungs out at the Dutch football. Guiding them to be people with strong personalities. Looking back, the “mis- takes” have been true gifts in our lives. There is no wrong or right and there are no mistakes to make. There are roads to walk on, in the adventure of life. There to help us, to give us insights. Even when we were not looking for them…