As every person will have or will have had, I too had some fears what’s about binding myself again to another love. Though I was totally convinced that the true love of my life would come one day, I had some disappointments in life too. But this all changed as i started to listen more and more to what was really important to ME.
People often asked me how on earth it was possible that I could “see” everything for The Others, but not for myself? I strongly believe that this has a reason.
I have chosen a certain path of life that will give me the EXACT things I need to reach my goals in life. Whenever I would have seen the outcome of that, I might not have chosen the path I took now.Meaning that I had to experience bad and beautiful relationships. Meaning that I had to find the real ME first before I could really bind myself to another person. I have had the most beautiful moments with several partners.
One of them, called Paul, was in the belief I have been holding for many years, the TRUE one. The LOVE of my LIFE… It has cost me over 7 years to let go of the thought that we would once get together again. The deep love I felt for him was so intense that it hurted me time after time I saw him and his children. And here the strange thing comes in, I have been a mamma in a past life to two of them before. We still have a very deep bond together. I love all of the children very much.
Still, I had to go on with my life and I tried to love another partner. The pain however stayed with me, the pain of missing my love, the pain of missing my children…
Only a year ago, I realized that I made myself a promise at the moment we broke up. The promise that I would NEVER love another man as much as I loved Paul. So it happened… I was not capable of loving another man so intense, though I have had beautiful moments, I always felt like I wanted to go back and be with him and the children again.
This all changed on the moment I realized that this was ME doing that TO ME!
From that moment on, I decided that 7 years were enough. I let Paul know that I would not contact him again. That whenever he felt like it, he could always contact me. He called me up once, I was too late at the phone. I never heard of him again. As I saw the little picture of Brian on my friend’s Iris site on facebook, I knew that I could go on with my life and felt free. This is an example of many times I felt that EVERYTHING happens on the RIGHT TIME.
Creating the love of my lifetime in Brian, I can say that I still love Paul and the children very much. But the place Paul has in my life now, has changed. I am sure that we will meet again some day at the right time and place. I have planned to visit them before I leave for America.
However, the feeling I hold on to in the past has changed. I set it free.
By freeing myself I have given myself the most precious gift. I am able to love again. I want to love like I have never loved before, I want to create a life with my Brian and celebrate the adventure that is called Life!
This is why I can truly say that it is a good thing to start all over again. Without having anything, no job, no money, no house, not knowing where life will take us. Does that scare me? No!
Does it fill me with joy? Yes!
Don’t I ever feel fear thinking about the future and how things will go from here? No! Reason why?
Because I have experienced that life takes me to places I never expected. That I can try to imagine what life will be like, but i know now that life will take me to the place I am supposed to be. Life has taught me the lessons I have been looking for. It has even taught me the lessons I was not looking for…Does that give me fear? No! Why? Because I totally trust the way the Universe, or The Light works. It most certainly works for me, for Brian, for my children.
My children have made their choice at the beginning of their adventure of life. They have come to me as their mother; they chose me to BE their mother. And the older I get, the more I begin to understand why they have chosen me. It deepens our bond together in a very loving way. I have conversations with my children that are so filled with a deep understanding for life. Such a wise and spiritual understanding of The Light or the Universe. The way things work out and the choices we create. I feel deeply grateful for all we have been through, even the hard and rough times have been a gift to us. Because we have taken out all the lessons, all the insights and we stayed positive. We feel blessed by it. We never victimized, we feel strong and determined. We all have a very huge empathic view on life. On our life. We see the options we have and we decide to love our lives in the way WE feel we do best. Still, we consider ourselves to be very social and very loving persons. We know why we have come here, what our goals are. And we know what the word destination means…
Thinking this all over, I feel truly blessed that I followed my inner voice and contacted Brian. As he is.
Because when I would have REASONED that little voice away, there would never have been a Mary and Brian blog, there would have NEVER been a life together. By following your inner voice, you will create the most beautiful learning process in life. Never hesitate, and when you do hesitate, ask yourself this question:
“Do I feel fear and is that the reason I hesitate, or do I strongly feel that this is the right path to walk on?”
Make your own decision and experience a whole new world, the world of being truly alive..