Was thinking about this just today and thought I would post another poem, totally autobiographical and my favorite of what I’ve written, even though no one seems to request it at Open Mike nights, lol!!! It’s the story of reaching a moment in my life that I thought would be my last–and NOT being okay with that. And then about the changes that I have had in the last 5 years and the clear realization that if today was my last day, I have absolutely no regrets at all and would be totally okay with that and grateful for every moment that I got to have here.
Oh, and the phrase “time to spin the mirror” is a reference to my favorite episode from the old Twilight Zone called “Nervous Man In A Four Dollar Room”. Link below. You might have to click on “Watch as a free user”, something like that, and then close a popup or two, but it’s quite worth it!
That’d Be Alright
How could a heart so full of love
Beat in such peculiar fashion?
Is this beat the last? Or this one?
How could I have reached this moment
With nothing to show for my life?
I need something to hold up to the world
I need something to hold up to myself
Something to hold up to God
Something to show I had meaning
Before I walk the reaper’s road
In the end, of course, nothing was enough
Houses with views
Cars without rooves
Trips on a cruise
And furniture too
So much fucking frustration
So much damn hesitation
A full house and an empty soul
Longing for that elusive meaning
Searching at the bottom of a bottle
No sanctuary yet
Hello first step
Who was this person who appeared in the mirror?
The eyes looked different, even through the tears
There was an uneasiness that was lacking
Where had I lost that?
Hmmm, maybe I won’t miss it
I realized I was carrying a tremendous load
Expectations from youth, unfulfilled
A longing for love, unrequited
A need to affect, unsubstantiated
But regrets and fears, yeah, those were fully realized
All the things once out of reach
Swim and swirl around me now
They wanted to be here all along
They just sat waiting for the slow learner
Now they’re as happy as I am
Friendships and loves become easy and fun
Psychological landmines are easily sidestepped
Lifestorms that once brought stress and the urge to flee
Are handled effortlessly
The mirror spun, now I have become the hurricane
All around me are best friends
There is laughter that I can hear
The tears all come from happiness
They are a liquid celebration of new life
There’s nothing that isn’t absolutely beautiful
And in the warm reflection in your eyes, best friend
I see a promise of life yet to come
New heights to be explored
New loves to be discovered
But never needed
I marvel at the possibilities around me
An imagination-driven machine in the forge of souls
And in wrapping my arms around you
I feel a serenity within me that is untouchable
You are what ANGELS dream of becoming
I lean on the railing, my senses are wide open
A scent of forest, a memory of touch
I feel a love so deep and so complete
If this is my last moment on Earth
Well then…yes…that’d be alright.