Why do The Others hold on to beliefs that will never bring them what they want? I asked myself that question after hearing a lot of comments on the way I described the relationship with Brian. I wrote some of them down in the last blog here as well.
‘You just wait and see girl, now you think that he MAKES you happy, but once you are together each day it will be totally different…’
Interesting that many of The Others always say this. Once they believe in less than they would like to have in a relationship, they get exactly what they expect! The relationship that will disappoint them after a while…
Then how to get what you want? Brian and I already talked about that in several blogs. We talked about making a wants list, a list of what you REALLY want in your relationship. We talked about being really authentic from the first date on. When you are dating,ask your date to be totally authentic too. That will save you so much time! Why pretending to be the person your date is expecting, instead of being the great person you really are? Why impress him or her with someone you are not at all? Then disappointment will be your destiny for sure… By the way, nobody can MAKE you happy. YOU and only you are able to create this feeling of happiness. The date can be the stimulus, but your beliefs create the response. Once you are in the spectacular and most great love adventure you always wanted, certain thoughts can pop up such as:
‘Will The Others be right after all? I am way too happy, this can never last!’
‘Everything is going so effortless, this can’t be good.’
‘We never fight about things, according to The Others that ain’t good. Do we have a normal relationship here?’
‘My date accepts me totally the way I am, but from the Others I hear that men always act like that, when they are not really interested and now I am doubting his honesty towards me..’
‘My mom says that men only want one thing and that is to have sex with you. Whenever they do not want to have sex with you at the first or second date, something is wrong. Or the guy is too shy and has a huge lack of self esteem, or he is gay. There is no man who doesn’t try to talk you into his bed girl.’
These and many other comments reach me each day in my office. Most of my clients are women. Women who do not feel self assured about their being attractive enough to their dates, friends or partners. They criticize themselves hugely because they look at themselves THROUGH the eyes of The Others. Why?
I wondered how this is possible and why it happens so often. It is not only about the way women look, it is also about the way women think they SHOULD look.
Createl powerful statements that you can think about, feel what you want to feel, adapt some (or all!)out of this blog to be yours. I fully understand that every person is totally entitled to choose or decide what is good for them. They are their own best experts in this. These statements are no rules. In general rules are made to be in, to feel or to have control. There to create a sense of stability, that not seldom ends up in a dogma; a static frozen certainty.
I believe there are possibilities you create yourself; like insights and thoughts. By not buying what The Others chew out for you, by being present with what YOU want, it will be possible to live the life that really suits you and creates a feeling of inner and outer balance in you.
Many women create long lists of what they do NOT want (anymore). They forget to transform a negative conclusion into a positive want. They make all their “DO NOT WANTS” into a chain of false attraction and prison themselves by that self created chain. However, by focusing on what you DO WANT, you will automatically attract WHAT you want. You will unchain yourself immediately! The DO WANTS create the same as the DO NOT WANTS . The “rules of attraction”…. Ever thought about it in this way?
So, back to how women think . They often feel dependant about what impression they make to The Others. It seems to be important how women think they look, but the way women believe they SHOULD look, seems to be even more important! Well, there is one thing that you can drop instantly: The SHOULD thing! In the “SHOULD thought” rules another hidden voice; one that most certainly does NOT bring you happiness and but selfjudgment. And that selfjudgment can turn you into a so called “victim”. Though even that is a choice…
‘I should have done this and I should have done that, or worse: I should have said it, then everything would have been totally fine. Look what happened now, it’s a total disaster! What will other people think of me?’
The most sad of this all, is that true happiness is NEVER depending from what another person thinks of you. It is all about how YOU look at YOU.
Whenever I can make a wake-up call through this blog I will do that. When women like to live by certain rules here’s the shocker: make your own rules! That creates more happiness than living by the rules of The Others…
Now I personally do not believe in the system of creating rules. They normally contain a lot of “HAVE TO’S, NEED TO’S, MUST HAVE’S, SHOULD DO’S and that is mostly done in a demanding way. To be honest, NOBODY wants to be told what to doin a demanding way . People want to discover what they want themselves, so why not starting with that right now? And whenever you WANT to live by rules, choose the ones that really fit YOU. Statements or even rules you really believe in yourself!
Whenever a so called rule can give you the idea of being more in control, that’s fine! Do whatever feels good for you!
There cannot be right or wrong in this.
We all are in a learning proces here, every single person chooses his or her own way of doing that.
Let me express this other way of thinking:
I am the only person that can decide what I feel, what I WANT to feel.
I am the creator of my own thoughts, my own responses and I choose to enjoy that!
I am deciding to be present in the NOW and HERE!
I can change my beliefs any time I feel I was given another insight!
I decide to love myself deeply and still be a gentle and social person!
I decide to create more happiness being me!
I decide to live my life the way I believe is good for me!
I choose to be authentic in all circumstances at all times!
I choose to accept myself exactly the way I am and enjoy being me!
I choose to listen to what I feel my inner voice tells me!
As I said, many people create long lists of what they do NOT want (anymore). They forget to transform the apparent negative conclusion into a positive want. By focusing on what you DO WANT, you will automatically attract what you want. By focusing on what you DO NOT WANT, the same will happen: you will get exactly what you do NOT want.
The “rules of attraction”….
I am deciding to be present in the NOW and HERE!
What will be your decision?