Eveline came back into the room yesterday, she had a conversation with her doctor. After waiting for her daughter or son to come, who she wanted to be with her during this chat, she decided to have the conversation alone. Her daughter had fallen asleep and her son thought she was there. Unforeseen circumstances, still it was immediately accepted by Eveline, how wonderful. No judgment in this at all, she understood why her daughter was not there.
She came back into the room and made a gesture with her hand by her throat.
‘I am finished’ she said. ’I am diagnosed with lung cancer’…….tears streamed down her cheeks…
We were completely stunned………..
How to cope with a diagnose like this? Eveline started to cry loud and we talked. How bad was it? She did not know. The liquid was examined (she had “water” behind her lung) and the diagnose was cancer. She had taken a message like this before in 1998, then it was breast cancer. She survived it. Even got a “new” breast. But how do you cope with the second cancer commission?
I first wanted her to know that we were there with her, so I embraced Eveline and sat down with her. Gré was crying and saying: ’Oh sweetie, didn’t you have enough to overcome? Why is this done to you?’
Well, that sure is an interesting thought, so I decided to talk more about that.
‘Do you feel like that?’I wanted to know. She took a deep sigh and said: ‘Whenever it is my time, Jehovah God will take me to him and I will accept that.’ I got silent.
‘I don’t know actually, sad and still also in shock I guess’ she answered.
‘How do you want to deal with it from now?’I asked.
‘I will stay in the moment, each day. I want to deal with every single thing at the time it appears to me. Go with the flow..The moment NOW is all I have and that is okay with me. I trust that I am taken care of.’
No anger, no screaming, no resentment…She called up her son, they came in later and there was no crying, no negative emotion. They even laughed with each other and her daughter in law told her: ’Eveline, you are such a special person, you will survive. It cannot be that you won’t, you have got things to do here and we are convinced you can manage. ’
All good and positive energy! A lot of friends, even her colleagues came to visit her with an enormous bouquet of flowers. Before the visiting hour, she asked me what to do. Tell them the news about her cancer or not. I asked her how she felt about it but she could not decide. I then told her that it could be a relief to get it into the open. To share, the master key of relief….She thought about it and decided to do exactly that.
The result of this little chat was that she shared, felt relieved and was able to laugh. All of the people who visited her yesterday were positive. What a gift to her. Later that evening we embraced her again and she cried. These tears were no tears of despair they were tears of gratitude and she feels loved and carried through this all. What a day!
Last night I woke up and felt that something was troubling her, I called for the nurse, Eveline almost fell out of her bed and the nurse took care of her. All of the nights here I was off and on awake before something happened. Like an internal signal went off as an alarm. I knew when something was a matter and took care of Jannie when she needed it at night. It’s actually comparable to the intuition of a mom. You simply awake when your child is having issues. Of course I know this is not really my responsibility. I know I am in the hospital for my own healing process. But I feel blessed that I have been able to comfort my roommates at the time they were up to that. It was an effortless taking care off. It is taking care in a giving and receiving way and it literally built up a bond between us. I simply love these people. They all have a real good heart, we talked, shared emotions and thoughts. We opened ourselves to each other without any holding back and this sharing has led to beautiful moments and an empowered attitude. We all feel very much connected to each other. Today I will be released from the hospital, but I will stay in contact with Eveline, Gré and Jannie. And visit them. How beautiful life is!
I told Brian about Eveline, he read the blog and immediately said: ‘ Tell Eveline that my inner voice is telling me that it will be allright, she is taken care of….’ She thanked him for his loving words, after that Brian did a little visualization with her through Skype, which worked out great! She slept within 5 minutes and had a real good night. How wonderful when people feel connected.
Today the doctor told her that he had some good news to share with her. There is a difference between lung cancer that starts in the lungs itself and lung cancer that is a result from the breast cancer. The last type of cancer can be cured better! And this cancer is the cancer Eveline is diagnosed with.
So, Bri, your inner voice is right….(for more about listening to your inner voice, check out the Optimal Self-Trust program at The Option Institute: http://www.option.org/programs:optimal-self-trust,3 )
It is such a beautiful experience to get to know people who actually were total strangers and become like family to you. Possible when you open your soul to give and receive, to share and balance, it’s such a blessing feeling. Who are you in this? Do you decide to choose to open yourself up and share, give and receive? Or do you close yourself down and shut out all the love you long for?…..It’s all up to you….