I read an article about the way we fall in love. Very interesting information I want to share with our readers.
We all know that liking a person is not good enough, there has to be some kind of chemistry but what happens when we fall in love?
According to this article there is a whole process going on in our body and mind.
First we see a person. We like the way he or she walks, talks and want to get to know this man or woman in a better way. Eye contact, the way we use our hands, even how we hold our feet are signals of chemistry. I have never known that the way women put their feet on the ground in a certain way is telling anything about their want to be loved sexually. But according to the articles I read it does. More women than men seem to be doing it. At the same time I ironically think, oh well when I see women on high heels, I can understand why they move their feet that way. Pffft! Have you ever walked on high heels for a day or so? Man! To be pretty and attractive you are devastatingly happy when you are home and can kick off those “killingmyfeet” shoes! However the article does not reveil if this was only about high heeled women.
But the story goes on. We all seem to produce dopamine, norepinephrine and phenyl ethylamine. For those of you who do not know what these substances are, they make you feel good and give you the sensation of “BEING IN LOVE’……
I immediately asked myself the next question:
How long can we produce this and will it last or can we influence the production?
The article explains that these substances are produced for at the most 3 years. After that we hopefully Love each other and otherwise we NEED another guy or gal to be able to produce a fresh series of these feel good products.
How can we recognize it when we fall in love? The article supplies us with certain symptoms: (I added some to that)
-Butterflies in your belly
-Having a no appetite period
-Pattering heart beats
-Absence, not hearing everything
-Daydreaming a lot
-Cannot keep your mind to work
-Thinking of him/ her all the time
Etc. etc. etc.
There are quite a few people who want to stay in love like this, they can even be addicted to the effect of it. Always happy, always butterflies in their belly and feeling like the world is totally theirs. They feel chosen, they feel good, they feel young and unbeaten! Till their love relationship gets “normal”. The chemistry diminishes and they are coming back to earth, some of them even FALL down on earth again with a shock…
The article continues telling us that hopefully something else remains: to Love each other in a deeper way. However, very many people seem to choose for the chemistry, over and over again. Believing they will feel this forever and ever and totally disillusioned when they discover that there is nothing left but feeling bored, or worse, even irritated when they are in the surrounding of their partner. So they break up to fall in love again! They even can be addicted to this feeling and look for a new love to be able to produce the feel-good-love-hormons!
The article says that the chemistry can hold on for a maximum of 3 years, then it’s done.
Then it’s done?????I was reading this and thought: How many people will take this as the one and only truth? Hopefully there will be people as well who decide to create their own truth?
How many people will believe that they are doomed to be bored after 3 years?
What do I feel when I read this?
What do YOU believe reading this?
First of all the experience I have is when I truly love a man, it is not only for that period when butterflies are circulating in my belly. However I DID experience once that the man I loved told me he needed more excitement (we did have lots of excitement) and was ready for another challenge (meaning he wanted to score another chick) The hunter in him stood up!
So I asked him why he needed more excitement when he had me, he then told me: ‘yeah, well you know I really can read you now and I miss the discovering of a new body, I want to chase and get a woman till I don’t feel that anymore.’ I asked him what he expected would come after that. He answered:’Then I will probably go and hunt again.’
Well, I can assure you that this love relationship did not last!
The way I look at a Love relationship the way I really like it, is that I first want to be the real me. I want to be surprised and I want to surprise my guy. I want a lot of things, that’s why I made a wants list. Wants list Mary Very effective! Brian and I spoke about this in our blogs before and even posted our wants list several times. We both made our wants list and they match wonderfully!
And we still have butterflies because we CHOOSE to have them! I can hear people talk now, wait till you have reached the 3 year dead zone! Ha, ha, ha!Well I am not living with that expectation! I believe that I empower myself and that I can CHOOSE what to feel. So does Brian.
According to this article the more time you spend together, the faster your chemistry will end. But I believe in Love not in love. I believe in a deeply connected way of loving my partner as Brian and I do. There is not ONLY chemistry between us, there is a LASTING, ENERGETIC, EMPOWERED and PASSIONATE Love between us.
The persons who fall in love BECAUSE they are in love with CHEMISTRY will be the persons who NEED that chemistry over and over again. So when it starts to diminish they will already look for another person to GIVE them what they want. NEXT!!!
I choose to live my life with chemistry because I decide to create that. The neurotransmitter Endorphin and the hormone Oxytocine are produced in a long relationship. These substances are taking care of feeling comfortable, relaxed, accepted and feel Loved.
Maybe it’s the age, I am 51 and Brian is 5 years younger. Maybe it’s because I have had several love relationships and know that what Brian and I share is a LOVE relationship. Or maybe I just decide to feel the way I feel and Brian does too. My personal belief is the last one.
I just refuse to believe in these so called FACTS that try to PROGRAM us and predict a certain time for our Love relationship to last.
Maybe I AM a very convinced person who wants to feel and experience with my own eyes, who wants to discover whatever there is to discover without the so called knowledge what will be the outcome of that. I do not want to live my life in a predictable way! And I LOVE it!
According to this article they put down FACTS. How true is that? As a matter of fact( ha, ha, ha) I do NOT believe that a fact is always a fact! Where is the free will in this? There is not a single person in the world who reacts the same, we are all individuals. So why would people all react the same?I know people who are still deeply in Love with each other and have been together for over 43 years! Is all the chemistry gone here? Hell no!
So wherever you are and whatever you read, please make your own decisions. That is what makes Love so special, that it is always a personal thing. With personal chemistry. Unpredictable, unless we choose for it.
As I come to think about that, I always truly believed that I wanted to live my life the way that felt right for me. No matter what I read in newspapers or magazines. I do not need to be chased after to feel the chemistry, I do not need a NEXT one. I feel totally happy, relaxed, comfortable, accepted, Loved and feel really passionate when I am with my Brian. And unless I decide not to, I will CHOOSE for a life with Brian. And create all the chemistry I want. Which is exactly WHAT I want.
I truly believe that this all has to do with BELIEFS. And the beliefs will program my brains. To produce lots of chemistry between us, as I am convinced Brian does the same.
How about you? What do YOU decide?