Addiction is a remarkable phenomenon. It means we at first had the belief that we were the ones to choose something we liked. But in doing this, in taking the things we wanted, the want turned into a NEED. Things as alcohol, food, drugs, attention, applause etc., can take control over us. But is it true? Does it HAPPEN to us?
I have seen many addicted people in my practice in Holland. They all seemed to have one thing in common; their belief they could not live without The Thing…
When it comes to addiction, it leads us back to the person himself. And what was remarkable was that they had something in common. It was a known or unknown lack of self esteem and a showed or hidden fear.
When you look at your life, do you believe you are addicted to something? It might not be something huge such as an alcohol or drugs addiction, it can be much smaller than that. There are tons of women who are addicted to chocolate and can’t live without it. When there is nothing in the house, they react cranky and search the entire house, their bags, they even look into their “secret hiding places”. When there seems to be no chocolate they will get into their car and drive to the nearest gas station or supermarket to get it. Once they have tasted the first piece of chocolate, they immediately calm down and feel good again. Weird? Exaggerated? Just check in with yourself, being a woman. I know that at least once a month I had to buy a stack of chocolate for my girls. They just NEEDED it, once they got it they relaxed again. So what’s the belief behind the addiction? Why do we tell ourself we NEED something to feel good? We were not born like that. I have never seen a baby who preferred a bottle of whiskey over a bottle of milk. So it seems to be something we have learned. Something we created. Something we experienced and held on to. That is a belief that leads into a choice. And that choice becomes a need. After we believe it IS a need, we choose to create the belief we cannot live without it. But the nice thing about beliefs is that we can CHANGE them ourself.
How? By putting something else in its place, something that fills us up with Love and for ourself and create other yummy sensations! Do you want to know what the most amazing thing in this is? You do not NEED to drink to feel great! To feel loved and accepted! It is the EXACT opposite! YOU and ONLY YOU are the CREATOR of EVERYTHING you THINK, CHOOSE or BELIEVE…
The ultimate reward for not drinking is that it gives you EXACTLY what you have been looking for while you were drinking! The most empowered discovery is that we ARE empowered, we CAN love ourselves for being the person we want to be. You can choose to be the person that does fear no longer! You can CHOOSE to NOT FEEL ALONE, by knowing WHO you are. It can be a real good thing to stand in front of the mirror and look yourself into the eyes and say:
I feel unaccepted, but feeling this is a belief. I do not choose that belief anymore. I choose to be ME. I choose to be the REAL me, I choose to let go of fear. Fear has NEVER brought me any kind of happiness. It does not protect me. It does not give me control; fear is just a self defense mechanism I have used, by fearing things I was preparing myself in case it might happen.
I want to ACCEPT myself the way I am. I want to create another belief. A belief in me, a belief that tells me I have been the one and only person to make changes in MY life. I want to feel ACCEPTED by MYSELF and I want to LOVE MYSELF. I decide NOT TO JUDGE MYSELF anymore. I DECIDE to give myself everything I need to SUPPORT MYSELF.
Even when we feel alone, alcohol will NEVER replace the reality we live in. It only creates another world, a twilight zone that is not real and does not help us at all. It will only feel worse the day after. In that regard, alcohol can never be a friend. It can NEVER create the comfort zone we are looking for. It only creates a different state of mind. We flee….
It appears to give us that nice, warm, cozy sensation we do not choose to create in real life. So alcohol is the big liar…A wolf in sheep’s clothes…a disguised enemy who wants us to believe he is our best friend.
Let’s stay with the example of alcohol; firewater as the Indians said. The first time you taste it; it’s burning and tastes unknown. The first beer you had was bitter and the first drop of wine was totally different than the lemonade you were used to. What is it that MAKES us drink stuff we first dislike? Is it the influence of The Others? Is it unaccepted when you don’t drink and join the rest of the gang? Are you a NERD when you say NO to alcohol? Is it not macho to tell your friends you don’t WANT to drink?
In our culture it seems to be a MUST to drink when you want to be one of the guys, or one of the girls.
Another reason for drinking can be that alcohol has the opportunity to take away your fears. You become more daring, you feel better, you get the idea that the world is nicer and people who are there with you are your friends. In fact you start to feel the person you always wanted to be, you CREATE you are lovable, having lots of friends, this is all in the twilight zone, the unrealistic world…But why would you need alcohol to do that when you can choose to do that without drinking?
My question in answer to that would be: Is this a belief or is it a fact? Is it true we NEED alcohol or is it just a projection of how we want to be and how we want to see the world that surrounds us? And can we create that without alcohol?
People who have been drinking all of a sudden don’t seem to care anymore what the so called Others think of them. They even start to LOVE them as if everyone is their biggest friend. Fact or belief?
PersonallyI think it is a projection that becomes visible. A projection of what we REALLY want, as well as a confirmation of what we do not have. ..or do not choose…?
We all want to live in a world that is nice to us, a world in which people are all friends. We all want to be daring, fearless and we all want to express what we feel without caring about what The Others might think or say.
Is it possible to transform the world into that state of mind without drinking alcohol? I believe we can. I believe we have the endless power of creating that exact energy that attracts all that we want. Once we BELIEVE in it….
The persons who believe they need alcohol to feel better, to feel the yummy sensations of being accepted, of being in another dimension, these people are choosing not to live in the real world as the real personalities they are, they possibly do not believe in themselves or are afraid to not fit in the group when they take a coke, juice or water. They might create the belief they NEED alcohol to feel they are daring enough to express themselves. To feel safe. To be that someone who will be accepted by the gang.
It’s funny, in fact people who drink alcohol want to feel safe, but do not feel safe when they are not drinking. They want to socialize…. With alcohol they create the same sensation they have experienced being a baby who is looking for the nipple of their mother’s breast, or their pacifier, or thumb to feel safe, fed, warm and comfortable.Only now they drink out of a bottle; a glass mostly is not tough enough…see the resemblance? By holding a bottle or a glass, you are literary HOLDING ON to something that in your belief comforts you, gives you more confidence, just like The Others…you are one of them…a kind of unspoken code that makes you feel accepted…
The first reaction you feel, reading this will most likely be one of denial.Of course you don’t want to believe this is true, do you?
And most of all, you probably do not want to believe the resembance with the breast of yoyr mother.You even might think that I have totally lost it. The belief underneath that is what’s really interesting. ………Why do you belief that this is not true?
Back to the question, what IS addiction? Addiction is nothing more and nothing less than the self created belief that we do not feel satisfied, happy or good without alcohol, drugs, food, applause, attention etc. That clearly is a BELIEF…and beliefs you can CHANGE, every single minute of your life…
I was in a pub last week, where I saw this dude who apparently had too much to drink. He was a real heavy drinker, had already drank a lot and wanted to have more. He showed this in a pretty rude way to his wife, to whom I was talking. He started to shout at her that she had to go to the bar immediately to get him a drink and apologised his behaviour to me. His voice started to lower and he started to talk aggressively to his wife again as she was hesitating. Does this mean he was a bad guy? I do not believe in bad guys. I do believe that he was beaten down by life and had bought the belief he NEEDED alcohol in order to NOT FEEL his pain. Does this mean he is a bad person? No. It means this guy could not face his life the way he created it. Or from his point of view, the way life had treated him. I only saw a person who was vulnerable, with a beaten down mentality. His wife had to make life better for him so he could stand it. He loved his wife, I could see that, but alcohol ruins a lot. I saw the look in her eyes. When you create the belief you are the victim, you choose a life that is filled with everything that will confirm that. It is an endless circle of misunderstanding and chosen downfall.
A mean drink destroys love, faith and understanding. It can even destroy lives, as it was sadly proven many times, over and over again.
Back to the source of addiction; what I find to be intriguing is the WHY people get addicted.
Is it a lack of self esteem, a lack of confidence, or the experiencing of fear that “MAKES” people want to drink? Is it the want to overcome anxiety, sadness, and loneliness? Or is it the longing to not be in the place they are? Can it be they want to be in another place in order to avoid the place in themselves?
Alcohol is a truly addictive drug. It can create to be the friend you want it to be to you, it can create an unrealistic twilight zone you experience to be your chosen “comfort zone”. The place that only belongs to you and the only place that nobody can take from you, your own space…
A place in which you BELIEVE to experience safety….a place you are less vulnerable in…
The only thing is, that this is not the real world you live in. The next day you can sense that even better. Your body is trying to get rid of the toxic heritance, you feel like crap until you take another drink. To feel good…is that the life you choose? Do you still deny your body that is telling you your liver is overdoing itself? Your bloodpressure might even go up, your heratbeat is faster and you know you will need that drink to make your world a good one? Or can you look into your own mirror and face the truth? Tell yourself you want to LIVE in the REAL world YOU have CHOSEN to live in? A world with happiness, with true happiness. And understand that the safety you createdin fact is the grave you look in?
I was thinking, actually we can compare it with whenwe look at the television, we are totally IN the film…we sense what the head character senses, we are holding our breath. We feel fear, though we are sitting on our couch in our own house. We identify ourself with the head characters, still we are not them. Its a belief….It’s another world we do not really live in…
What I want and truly wish for all of you who feel addicted to something like alcohol, drugs etc. is to ask yourself these questions:
DO I REALLY BELIEVE I NEED THIS TO FEEL GOOD?
DO I BELIEVE I CAN CREATE MORE HAPPINESS WHEN I CHOOSE TO HAVE A LIFE WITHOUT THIS SO CALLED FRIEND?
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