I was thinking about truth, why it’s so important to us and why many people believe it is real important to convince another person of his or her truth. The source of all disagreement and even war…
We defend our truth with passion, try to be convincing, we even kill other people because we believe we are right and the other person is so wrong.
Love partners hold on to bitter fights about who is right and who is not; the outcome of not being able to communicate in an open and non defensive way.
Truth, what is it? When we talk about it words come up like staying loyal to what you think or believe, being totally honest at all times and choosing to be authentic to what you feel is right. And there we have the bottleneck…We want to be right and because of that we often do not even listen to what The Others have to say about it. We only “wait” till the sound stops and stick to what we believe is the truth, OUR truth. I have seen many Love relationships go down under the pressure of the “need” to be right.
My next question is: WHY? Why is it so important to be right? Even when this means we put our Love relationship, our relationships with friends or our relationships with colleagues at stake. The answer could be we bought the belief we “need” that in order to feel good. Maybe it’s because we want to overcome our being unsure about ourselves in a way we can defend. Maybe it is because we want to make clear to The Others we have an opinion and we stick just to that, no matter what another person says, because we want to prove to ourselves we are able to stand up for what we believe is right. And maybe, just maybe, we have a low self esteem involved here…
When you recognize one of these items, start thinking about what your true wants are in defending your truth…What do you want to achieve by it? What does it take from you when you close yourself down from the vision of The Other(s)? And what do you gain in the end? Was it worth it?
I was thinking back at my childhood in which I defended my truth in a passionated (I know this is incorrect but it has more power in it for me, so I decide to use the word passionated instead of passionate) way.
I stood up against my father, who used to be very loving but could be very dominant too. What happened was that I was not allowed to talk like that, so I developed an attitude of hiding what I really felt. I decided to, as they say in The Netherlands: choose eggs for my money, meaning I decided to do the best I could and tried to be a good girl in order to maintain peace. It resulted in leaving my parents house at the age of 17. From that time on I had to learn to open myself up again and I experienced serious trouble in defending my truth for many years. Apparently I bought the belief I had to put The Other(s) first with the way THEY saw the truth as I had trained myself in being a good girl..It did cost me a lot of years (and tears) to come back to myself and realize I was totally entitled to show my belief in my truth. I stopped looking at myself through the eyes of he Others and stopped thinking for them. And most of all, I stopped judging myself! Still, I decided not to go too far in defending my truth. I chose to be open to the opinions of The Others, and started to learn from that.This has brought a huge amount of insight and wisdom during my life. Sometimes I change my point of view because I hear different things from The Others, read about it on the internet or see things that influence my view on tv.
Does this mean I cannot hold on to my truth? Just take a guess!
There are people who feel ashamed, as they first have defended their truth, and then after listening to what The Other(s) have to say about it suddenly realize they agree more with that point of view…But why would we feel ashamed of getting an insight, taking it in and change the way we see our truth? Is it an act of weakness to realize your truth seemed to be no truth at all but a belief? Of course not!
My personal perception of that is simple. I can hold on to a belief, my truth, or my view on things for as long as I choose to do. However, when it seems to be more logical or even an eye-opener to be open to what another person has to say, I feel totally free to adjust my truth by the insights I receive.
Does this mean I am weak, going there where the wind blows, without being able to stick to my own opinion? Hell no! I am a person with brains and feelings; and I have the ability to choose!
Could that be the issue here? Are we afraid to choose, are we worried about the consequences? Do we play hide and seek? Don’t we want to stand up for ourselves anymore? Are we still thinking about what The Others might think about us?
I would like to ask you how important your view of the truth is to you and how you decide to defend it, no matter what. I would love to ask you to think over what the truth really is and how you know if this chosen truth is the only truth..And I would love to ask you one more thing:
Are you prepared to listen to what The Other(s) have to tell you?
My wish is that we will all open up to what life wants to teach us. Truth will find its way to us in many ways.
My wish for you in this would be: Listen without judgment and have a real good look at what YOU FEEL inside. Take in what you believe is reasonable, let go of stubbornness, anxiety and values you were taught but are not really yours. And feel relaxed in making your own choices, creating your view of your truth. My belief is that an open mind creates authenticity as well as happiness…
A person who feels relaxed experiences a natural state of freedom. A self created state of mind.
A happy person is a person who feels balanced with his thoughts, his emotions and his environment.
A relaxed person is a person who believes in the liberating truth of living an open mind…..creating exactly what he expects of it….