I was talking to Brian the other day as we came to the conclusion we both still judge ourselves, though we THOUGHT we did not do that at all! How well do we know ourselves? was the question we pointed out to each other. Apparently the (sub) conscious is as active as the conscious in ways we sometimes even haven’t got a clue…
For example; when I buy clothes I always or almost always buy black. Why? Because I LOVE black! But is this really true or just a belief I am holding?
I questioned myself in this and I concluded I wear black because I like the color but also and actually most likely, because it makes me look slimmer, hahahahaha! So is this a belief or a Need? I adore women who can wear a simple jeans that fits their body contours perfectly and a white blouse tucked in. I only don’t see ME in it because my ass is too big and my legs are too. My legs simply are too short, my stomach used to be less fat and so on. How do you mean judgmental? Me?…………….
Brian does the same, in his heart he actually is convinced he is a good person, however, since his childhood he always believed The Others were BETTER than he was. He believed his presence did not really matter or contribute a lot to this world. Others did, he did not. He was shy, deadly shy and did not see himself as the really great person he already was because he kept on staring at himself through the glasses of The Others! As he grew older and most certainly after he went to the Option Institute (www.option.org), he discovered he was a GREAT person with a very LOVING heart and a very OPEN soul…always wanting to learn more about himself and his abilities and how to change blocking or destroying beliefs. The Option Institute changed both Brian’s as my life in a really good way. What we took in there is the base of how we Love and Live together. When you are curious, have a look at their site www.option.org , they even have a program called “The Happiness Option!”
So, how about you? What judgmental thought or beliefs do you still hold and how do you behave because of that?
This reminds me of a story. A daughter got married and every year she cooked this piece of meat which was sewed in so the meat would stay in a roll. I was looking for the word but i believe it’s called a roulade…She always cut off both ends and one day as her hubby saw her do this again, he asked: ’Honey, why do you cut off the ends each time?’She looked surprised at him and answered him this was because her Mom always did that. Next time they visited her Mom, the husband asked the same question: ‘Mom, why do you cut off the roulade on both sides as my wife does too?’ She smiled at him and then looked at her daughter. Then the mother asked:”Do you really do that?’The daughter nodded. ‘I also want to know why you do it Mom’, she said. The mother smiled very openly and then started to laugh out loud.
‘Well’, she replied, ’that was because my cooking pan was not big enough!’
This is an excellent example of how we can buy beliefs we even do not question, we just copy them! What beliefs do you still hold that are not yours? Beliefs your Mom or dad taught you? Things you just took in without asking if these beliefs were really a fit for you?
Here are some of the beliefs you might have bought:
‘Never drive along the lakeside or the waterside of the canal, you might drown…’’
‘Never go by an elevator, suppose these get stuck…
‘Never go by yourself on the streets when it’s dark’
‘Always take care of your clothes, no spots!’
‘Make sure your hands are clean and your nails too!’
‘Never go out without money!’
‘It’s better to keep your silence than to be judged’
‘Never argue in public’
‘Never take the last cookie’
‘Always be polite’
‘The opinion of The Others is important’
‘Always be a giver’
‘Make your home a cozy one for your man and children’
‘Close the windows and doors when you are having a fight (with words)’
‘Never trust anyone when it’s about money’
‘Real friends do not exist’
‘People never do something for you without wanting something in return’
‘Never trust a person without knowing who he/she is for at least a year’
‘When you have lost someone like a partner, there is a rule of mourning that says you cannot start another love relationship within 2 years…’
‘The only thing men want is sex…’ .’
‘The only thing women want is a rich guy and another Lover’
‘Be aware of the danger of people who tell you they can make you rich fast’
‘Be aware of people who talk good and act different’
‘Never get a real good looking man/woman; you will have to share them’
‘Once you have had one cigarette, you’re hooked forever’
‘Never believe a stranger who tells you to come with him/her’
‘To punch a person in the face is normal, when they call you names’
‘Just shout when someone shouts at you’
‘Who is afraid is a coward’
‘Women who get raped have challenged men’
‘Women are useful for sex and kids, they are not suppose to think’
‘Men are good to bring home my money’
‘Kids are great… Especially when they are not your own’
‘The Others are always watching you, so be the person they can respect, not the person you really are’
Etc. etc. etc.
This list could be even longer but I think I made my point here. We hear, take in, BUY the beliefs we hear from parents, teachers, neighbors, friends, television, newspapers etc. Many times without even thinking it over.I want to give you an example: I was taught slurping is bad….so I started to get pissed when Brian slurped, even heard my Mom say: OMG!!!…………but was that really my belief? NO! Brian taught me to look at what I REALLY felt…what belief was mine….I never got irritated ever again while he is enjoying his coffee and slurps…even don’t hear that anymore. I changed my belief, this belief i hold now fitts me much better! I never heard my Mom’s voice ever again telling me slurping was a really bad thing to do.
So, whenever you get pissed, irritated, or annoyed, think about this. Is it REALLY YOUR belief that causes this or is it the belief/ the voice of one of The Others?
It can make a HUGE difference to discover what belief you want to keep and what you want to let go off…Believe it or not, it’s all up to you!