When I think about all the women I have seen as a client at my office, I notice an important thing: they all have a selective memory. After breaking up (when they still Love the guy whom they broke up with) they choose to keep the good memories alive. They even tend to talk about the way they made “mistakes” and understand why they have chased their Love away. But is it true?
Why do mostly women blame themselves for the breaking up that much? Is it because they believe they will not be able to get a Love like the lost one? Do they suffer from a lack of self esteem? As I was reading the blog Brian wrote (we never read each other’s blog before publishing it) I noticed the before and after beliefs he talked about.
I AM Lovable……………leads to Happiness, Trust and a Belief that creates a fearless you.
Back to the selective memory.
A woman who believes she is NOT lovable will be satisfied when a man will like her. Love is almost impossible, since the woman herself does not even Love herself, she will totally understand the man she is with can’t really Love her. He can profit from her, call her names, demands sex when he wants to, lies down at the couch demanding beer, complaints when she does not come immediately, even can beat her up. The woman finally decides to run away from her house, leaving the guy there. She starts to look back at the good times they have had too. She starts to believe she has not done enough or that her responds failed to his needs. She starts to believe she was wrong. Is it Fear that creates these thoughts? Fear she will not be able to find a decent man who will respect her? First question I want to ask here is: does she respect herself? Does she expect she is to be respected at all? And does she know what true Love is? And when she does know this, does she believe that is a fairy tale not to come true for her?
The woman starts to believe this is all her fault. She comes back to the house apologizing to the man. He tells her this is the last time she ever leaves him and she knows she will never do it again. Power and self destruction have become partners. Selective memories have changed the upcoming belief that she was worthy enough to the security of the old belief she was not good enough. The balance was restored and the woman confirms herself being what she knows she is and confirms her old identity beliefs. The pattern repeats itself over and over again.
Brian is right. I am Lovable is the belief that will lead to true Happiness. To Self Respect, Joy, Anticipation, Fearlessness and Faith.
Selective memories can have another side; the negative one. There are women who choose to belief that after the breaking up with their guy, Nothing was good at all. They feel betrayed, used or misled and judge not only the guy but themselves as well. For believing the man, for not seeing what was really happening. They judge themselves for being naïve, too Loving and being too much of a Giver. The Taker took it all…women develop an anger, can become bitter and can even create the belief they do not seem to be able to attract a “good” guy. Because they choose to forget the good memories, they start to create hate. And when they meet another guy, they even start to project their bad experiences on the next guy. But how about the good memories? Do they feel ashamed of that? Does this mean they judge themselves hugely and are ashamed to admit they believed this mister bad guy?
A selective memory is a mirror of judgment. It is a direct denial of the truth. Whenever you recognize this, start to ask yourself questions.
Do I believe I deserve happiness?
What are the reasons why I believe this?
Do I respect myself?
Do I Love myself?
Do I belief I will attract a good person, a person who will be a true fit for me on all levels?
Do I judge myself because I look at me as not being good enough?
Do I create Unhappiness because of that belief?
Do I want to create more Happiness for myself?
Do I NEED another person to MAKE me Happy?
Do I SEE I can CREATE Happiness myself?
Do I understand myself?
Do I take myself down by creating negative thoughts?
Do I choose to be Me or do I choose to be the Other Me who will only serve The person I want to be with?
Do I choose to create borders in what is acceptable and what is not for me?
Do I live from beliefs The Others taught me?
Do I choose to look at the beliefs I hold and decide to keep them?
Do I choose and decide to dump the old beliefs that do NOT serve ME?
Do I choose to be me and create my own beliefs?
Of course there are a lot of other questions you can think of.
Related to the selective memory it is possible you choose to only remember the good memories. That’s great! The only thing is that when you choose to do that, you can ask yourself one question:
Is this the real and complete truth or my selective truth?
When you believe you will not be able to find another partner your selective memory will most probably create more good than bad memories to pop up here. When you are real honest, when you see the (Love) relationship the way it truly is, you probably will create true memories….
When you start LOVING yourself and start RESPECTING yourself, TRUST will travel with you. And when you think the next sentence over you will understand more of the process you create.
What you EXPECT is what you CREATE….
What do you choose?