(Originally posted October 6, 2009)
“Wants Lists” can be incredibly powerful in all areas of our lives! It’s our way of getting really clear on what we DO want and keeping it in front of us so we have it right there to compare with what we currently have.
I say I hate to compare dating to buying a car, but since I use that analogy all the time, guess I don’t really hate it…Most people don’t just walk onto a car lot, take a look around and say “I’ll take that one!” They do research, they ask themselves about the things they want in a car. Do I want good gas mileage? Or is it more important to have lots of space? Is there a car that has both? What color? What brand? How much to spend? Now although the questions themselves don’t apply to relationships (even “how much to spend”–don’t go there!!!), the fact that we PREPARE to buy a car is important! I venture to say that most people still spend more time thinking about what they really want in a car than they do thinking about what they really want in a relationship! Just as you’re usually more happy when you buy a car that fits what you want, you’re usually more happy in a relationship when you get what you want. And to get what you want, you gotta KNOW what you want! And here’s the way to do that!
For this step, give yourself plenty of time when you can be alone and undistracted. Get a pen or pencil and something to write on or in. Then….relax! Take a minute or two to just SLOW DOWN….take some nice, easy, deep breaths and start to think about some things that you are really GRATEFUL for in your life…be specific and immerse yourself in that feeling! Think about some things or people in your life that you really LOVE…let yourself be this way for a couple of minutes and when you feel really comfortable and happy, just start writing down the things you would like in the perfect romantic partner. Key note: DON’T CENSOR YOURSELF!!! Let go of the belief “I could never get that”, just write down what you WANT. Do it as if you are “Bruce Almighty”, (insert your name there!) and you get to create the perfect person for YOU. And if you’re currently with someone, don’t try to fit it to them! Be selfish for just this time and only write what YOU want. And when it’s done, keep in mind two really cool things: 1) you now have something you can hold up to your current partner (or all future partners) as a criteria for how they compare to your perfect person, and 2) the list is FLUID–you can always change it to fit things you might want to add to it (or remove).
Mary and I will post our actual lists shortly so you can get a couple of examples. Lists will vary greatly because we, as people, vary greatly. Next we’ll take a look at beliefs that can hold you back from getting everything–that’s right, EVERYTHING, on your wants list!