The fact that I will leave soon to travel to America again has done a lot with the relationships I hold here. For example the relationship with my mother, it has really changed a lot! The moment she saw I was really determined to go to America, she already missed me even before I left. She started to be opening up more to me and told me she deeply Loved me and would miss me tremendously. She hugged me intense. Now this may sound very normal to many people but my mother was not able to hug in a way of letting all of her emotions float out towards me. My Mom was raised in a very conservative way with the understanding that it was not “done” to show your feelings or emotions in public. So she did not tell me she Loved me, she could not hug me the way I hoped she would. Now, within the sight of seeing her only daughter leave, she reconsidered her old beliefs and finally was able to hold me, HUG me and told me she deeply LOVED me… That was some moment to me….I felt tears coming up and held her in my arms, thanking the Universe for this gift…
Does this mean my mother did not Love me before? No. It means she never told me she Loved me. Was this an important thing to me? And what did it mean to miss this for so many years?
I used to hold the belief my mother only saw me as the troubled one, the daughter with the huge fantasies, the daughter who followed her own path. A path that was so different from the path of life she wanted me to walk. We had our arguments, our differences. We misunderstood each other from time to time. As a child I really longed for more hugs, more confirmation. My dad was a HUGE hugger and within his arms I felt totally safe and protected. Maybe that is what all little girls want; to have the feeling nothing can harm them. My father was able, in spite of his own childhood (in which he lacked positive and Loving attention from his parents) to show his emotions and was definitely able to hug and tell us he Loved his kids.
And now the miracle happened. My mom held me and told me she was going to miss me so much, I could FEEL her energy streaming through my soul, for the very first time in my life.
This means people who normally are not able to open up, hold on to their blocking belief they cannot….But it is a belief! And beliefs can be changed!
Another story which is related to this all is the next.
I was having dinner with my friend M. who told me she thought it was very difficult to focus on what I was saying because of the music in the Greek restaurant. As we were sitting down, the music was almost down, but during dinner people started to talk louder so one of the waiters thought it would be a good idea to adjust the sound level. M. told me she became a sort of pissed because of this. I asked her why.
‘It reminds me of a situation in my past. My father used to do this and when I asked him if he could bring the volume down he totally ignored me.’
‘So why do you choose to bring a situation of so many years ago in the here and now?’ I asked her. She gazed at me and thought it over.
‘It just annoys me extremely’, she answered. ’And the other thing is that this has been my thought for as long as I can remember, so it is very difficult to change’. I looked at her with a smile.
‘Why do you believe that it is difficult?’ I asked again.
‘Because it just is. I tried to change it but I can’t’, she replied.
‘But when this is a belief that was created out of a situation in which you felt ignored, in which you were not able to change it, why would you choose to bring that feeling back into the now where you are in control of everything that you choose to think? You are the creator of YOUR own thoughts, so why not create another belief?’ I suggested.
‘Such as?’ she asked.
‘Such as that music is to enjoy and there to help you to feel comfortable instead of to annoy or irritate you. Your father is not here, you are not a child anymore and here you are, sitting at a table with me, acting from a place out of your past when you were a child…There is nothing to feel irritated about, a lot to feel happy about, it’s up to what you decide to choose what to think and what to believe. The only thing that is happening here is that you hold on to another belief that things are not easy to change. But you know, the truth is that the answer is so simple we cannot imagine it can work! We have learned that things we think of as being hard to change are hard to change because we create that belief or bought this belief from The Others. We choose to hold on to these well known beliefs. But what does it bring you?’ She started to understand that she was doing this to herself, bringing up an emotion she had as a child. Acting from this place of feeling hurt and projecting this emotion in the here and now; a nice dinner with a dear friend.
I wonder if you, being a reader, recognize this from your own life….do you hold on to old beliefs that create feelings such as irritation, do you focus on sounds etc.? Can you think back of the WHY this happens to you? And how you can change this? Or do you choose to hold on to old beliefs thinking and believing this is just the way it is because it has been the reaction you have had for as long as you can remember?
The ticking of a clock….the tapping on the floor with the tip of a feet….the continuing drumming with fingers on a table….the sound of sports on the television or radio….the sounds of people next to you eating loudly….etc. etc.
Just give it a thought and then decide what you want with it. Keep the old belief and choose to feel irritated or worse get frustrated, angry or even aggressive…or change the belief and enjoy every moment in life………….Simple? Impossible?
Just try and see, you will be amazed of the outcome! Belief it or not, but a belief is the most flexible and fixable thing in your life…