(As Yoda raises the X-Wing fighter from the swamp using only the Force)
Yoda (sadly): That…is why you fail…
And how the F, you may ask, is this related in ANY way to relationships???
Well, there’s a pretty good chance I’m gonna tell ya!
The following are actual quotes from so-called “experts” on dating and relationships, authors with hundreds, perhaps thousands of times as many readers as we have. Unfortunately, people take in this crap, errr, advice, believe it because it’s from an “expert”, and then incorporate it into their actions, thereby removing almost all chance of a truly ALWAYS joyful and ALWAYS effortless relationship:
“I’m old enough to know now that relationships take work. That it’s not an easy thing.” –Jennifer Lopez, InStyle Magazine, September, 2009 issue, via Huffington Post, full story here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/08/17/jennifer-lopez-relationsh_n_260824.html
“…arguments are a natural, healthy component of any relationship.” –eHow.com, full story here: http://www.ehow.com/list_7590807_common-fights-between-couples.html
“Falling in love is only the first stage of love. It’s impossible to remain in that stage.” –Dr. Phil, full story here: http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/26
So right now those of you new to this blog are thinking: “So? All of those statements ARE true!”. As the great Lee Corso of ESPN would say: “Not so fast my friend!” In reality, NONE of these statements are “true”.
Now it’s time for some of our regular readers to chime in with WHY none of these statements are “true”. It’s because, as Yoda says, if you BELIEVE “relationships take work”, they do. If you BELIEVE “fights are a natural part of a relationship”, they are. If you BELIEVE “initial passion fades to a slow burn”, it will. But NONE of these are NECESSARY in Love relationships! You might be thinking that even in great relationships, you can only have joyful, totally loving, and effortless relationships part, or perhaps, MOST of the time, but not ALL of the time. To continue the Star Wars analogy one step further, you might think, “well, it’s EASY for Yoda to lift an X-Wing out of the swamp, but it wouldn’t be for me!”. Much like Luke was thinking at the time. But Luke couldn’t do it because he BELIEVED he couldn’t. And Yoda did it easily for two reasons: 1) he BELIEVED he could, and 2) he had PRACTICED using this tool called “The Force”.
Mary and I have NEVER argued. When we disagree on something, a simple and enjoyable discussion solves the issue in minutes or seconds.
Lastly, anyone around us will tell you that our giddy, goofy passion for each other has gotten even more fiery over the 2+ years we have been together. (Much to the annoyance of those around us, LOL!). And for those of you thinking, “yeah, we’ll see what happens in 10 years, 20 years”, great! Come back and see us at that time and I guarantee you we will still be in love like the most guilty-pleasure Hollywood rom-com couples!
So maybe this information is changing your thoughts about an always joyous and always comfortable Love relationship from “it’s not possible” to “it’s not possible for me”. And maybe, just maybe, there’s even a little chink in the armor of “it’s not possible for me” that has you thinking the same thing you do when you buy a lottery ticket: “well, however slim, there’s a CHANCE I could get this.” Well I’m telling you right now, if you follow a pretty simple set of steps, do some work to get comfortable with yourself, and be patient in one way and aggressive in another way, it’s not just a chance you’ll have, it’s a CERTAINTY.
Understand that I’m not promising you’ll find the relationship of your life like Mary and I have, but if you’ll follow these steps and work on yourself, you’ll find that each and every relationship on your path will become easy and fun, as will the dating process as you search for whatever type of perfect relationship you are looking for!
So what exactly are these steps? This is actually a cool post for me, since I don’t think I’ve really ever tried to lay down this process in any true order. I’ve described some of the first steps in early blogs here and I’ll repost the links as I go down the list, but this will force me to sort of put things in some semblance of chronological order.
First and foremost, and I mean this sincerely: sign up for the NEVERsettle Singles program at The Option Institute (http://www.option.org/programs:neversettle-singles,22 ). Whenever you learn a new sport, hobby, job, etc., you want to take lessons. If you’re taking up golf, you don’t just grab a set of clubs and start whacking away. If you do, you’ll end up tired, frustrated, out of balls, and with the groundskeeper chasing you around in one of those little green carts! No, you start with a lesson to learn the fundamentals, preferably from the best golf pro you can find. I can tell you right now, learning dating and relationships from The Option Institute is like learning golf from Tiger Woods (and don’t mix those up, it’s not like learning relationships from Tiger Woods!) or basketball from Michael Jordan. This is the BEST gift you could ever give yourself.
A step-by-step guide to finding a GREAT relationship and having a GREAT dating experience along the way will be here tomorrow! Y’all come back now, ya hear?