There can be many different situations in which we feel Life is treating us poorly…
You have lost your job and can’t find another one, you have lost your house by foreclosure, you fell in Love with a married man who does not choose for you and stays with his family though he promised to have a life with you, you are diagnosed with cancer, aids or another illness, you hate school and the teachers and ran off, you have lost your dog by a traffic accident, your rabbit you Loved has died without any reason, the neighbor next door has fallen out of his window by leaning out, or even wider over the world…you witness the murder of hundreds of innocent people, you see children starve to death etc. etc.
All of these can make you feel like a victim.
But what is it? The feeling of something you do not have control off has an immense influence on your life, breaks you down, destroys you, makes you incredibly sad etc. You can’t blame or you can blame some one for that, does it make a difference? When you know who was or is responsible you can project all of your frustration on them and start to hate. But does that help to feel good?
Hate is the opposite of Love. To hate someone means that you give the other person who is the cause of your trouble an incredible power over you. You permit that person to be IN your thoughts, to possess you by being with you, day and night…Is this what you want?
Hate is a boomerang, you throw it out to a person who is responsible according you for all that you have to go through. But it hits YOU unexpectedly back and can even knock you of your socks…
A victim asks questions like:
Why does this have to happen to me?
I always get the bad part of things
This is typically something for me to happen
I am not worthy of any good
This always happens to me
They always have to pick me
Why am I the one who get’s the bad things in life?
This does not surprise me, I am born for trouble
etc. etc. etc.
A victim has a low expectation of Life and mostly a low self esteem. He or she already EXPECTS that bad things will happen to them. But remember that what you Expect is what you Create….
Do victims actually have a choice? Think about it, what would you say?
When you feel good and life is presenting only good days to you and you expect life to continue giving you this, you will feel great! But how can you turn a victim into a hero? A person who has been in difficulties his or her entire life and who believes that’s Life?
Therefore we first want to look at what many people believe a hero is.
In my believe a hero is a person who can see through the difficulties Life has presented to him/ her and will go for a positive and empowered way of looking at life and the circumstances and therefor can be an example for The Others who still suffer believing they ARE a victim and will continue to feel and act like a victim.
Does this mean a victim will always be a victim and a hero will always be a hero? What do you believe?
My experience is that we are not always strictly victims or hero’s. The reason for this can be very personally. Not every person will always feel great, some of us who always see the good things in life even when they are presented to them as problems, can feel like a victim. But since they know how it is to feel a hero, they are able to change their way of looking at the circumstances. They will be going to look for the insights; the lessons of Life in it. They want to know Why this happened and what they can learn from it.
The victim will see the new problem or the upcoming difficulties as a confirmation that this is the number whatever that strikes them and will immediately feel negative, depressed and do not decide to look for the reason why it all happens. they have already indoctrinated themselves with the negative knowledge they always are the ones with difficulties and nothing seems to be good for them. Therefore they do not believe they have a choice…
Can a victim become his or her’s own hero in this? YES!
But how can they make the change?
By first of all looking at the circumstances, the difficulties or the events and be a spectator instead of the victim. Look at what happens, what Really happens…Do you really believe this event took place to hurt you, or to cause you troubles without any reason? How about looking at the event and make it into an incredibly intelligent way of making something clear to you?
Let me give you an example. You have difficulties with Loving and Trusting another person in relationships. Now you get to know a guy or a gal and he or she seems to be the perfect partner. You start dating and after a while he or she tells you this is not going to work because he or she still Loves his or her ex too much. You can DECIDE to feel a VICTIM again by picking up the well known patter of complaints, negative thoughts and judgments. But what if you would look at this in a different way? What if you could see it the way it really is and even more…dis-cover what’s in it for you? What insight you can gain?
Person A and Person B both experience the same thing, here is how they respond:
Person A/ hero:
“Wow, I really did not see this coming, but I do understand it must be difficult for you to tell me this. I wish you would have told me sooner, though I can imagine you first wanted to be really sure about this and felt the want to protect me. Still, I do feel disappointed because I did see a great future for us together. And yes, I do feel hurt, but I also realize at the same time I am the one and only I who can create happiness or sadness for myself. I want you to know I Love you and that Loving another person in this way means that my want is that you are completely Happy. When I cannot be the one who can create lots of Happiness together with you, I want you to create that Happiness the way you believe is right for you. I will always remember our great time together and my want and wish is that we will stay in contact as real good friends.”
Person B / victim:
“Wow, I really can’t believe my ears here. I don’t understand anything about this. Why didn’t you mention this before? Don’t you think about me and how I must feel here? You made me believe you really Loved me, but apparently this was all a lie… I really feel so disappointed in you, do you know what you are doing to me here? I feel hurt and you are responsible for that! I hope you will be dumped the way you do me now and that you will feel exactly the pain I am feeling now and even worse. You deserve to feel what you are doing to me, hear! And don’t you even consider we can be friends or that you can see me ever again, because you just ruined my entire life and I will never forgive you for doing that!”
Of course this is just an example of how person A and B could possibly respond. However, the difference in view is very clear. I have a question here: Why would you choose to think things worse when you can also take out the insight?
The insight could be that you are very happy the other person is honest enough to tell you what’s going on. To let you know he or she still Loves you. To know you are worthy to be Loved in a huge way. That the breaking up has NOTHING to do with you and your character but ONLY with the way your Lover seems to feel a connection to that other person, his or her ex partner.
Better knowing that now than getting together for years and live a lie. Or feel your Lover still Loves another person.
The insight could be that Life gives you what you want and teaches you that even when you believe this definitely was Mister or Mrs. Right, someone even way better will be brought on your path.
We all can become a hero, starting with believing we are great the way we are, by searching for the reason why things happen and by not Judging ourselves or The Others. We will create a different view on ourselves and the world around us. A world without judgments and lots of Love. First of all towards ourselves, then sharing this with The Other(s).
“Paradise is not a location,
It ‘s an attitude of the mind...“ Christopher Titmuss
How about you?