The last blog was about “Back to Fuzzy Land”… the Land that smokers, drug addict’s and alcoholic’s decide to go to. A Land which in my opinion is related to the time they were babies. This blog is about the same three addiction’s. I could have chosen to put in more, but I want to put examples here. Do feel free to put in other addictions here like computer addict’s, sex addict’s, gamble addict’s etc.
Every person is born with the ability to make Choices. And because of that, we are having difficulties or issues with it because we do not know WHAT to choose. And when we DO know what we want to choose so we can live a healthy life without being addicted, we have issues to stick to that good choice. Interesting isn’t it?
Thinking this over I was thinking about choosing one of these three addictions in order to make clear what we can do when we feel or are addicted. I chose Alcoholism, since alcohol is a common and all around accepted and very “present” addiction.
People who are addicted to alcohol most of the time do not realize they are alcoholic’s.
“Every person drinks, I am not a regular drinker, I just socialize”
“I just drink when I get home, who doesn’t?”
“I only drink once in a while, but when I do I really drink a lot”
“I just go out with friends and we are having a great time, so what? Every one does it!”
There is ALWAYS an excuse to drink, people want to hang out, socialize, chat with friends they know or make at a bar. (by the way, these so called friends are regular drinkers for 80% )
The only thing is they are not aware of what their body is doing with the alcohol. Weather you just socialize, hang out, get home, just drink every now and then or do what your friends do, it is still YOUR BODY that has to deal with it. To be more specific:
The liver has to purify all the toxin’s such as alcohol. When you are a regular drinker or when you only drink a lot a few times per year, your liver has to work very hard. You can get a “fatty” liver. Not good, since your liver is next to your heart function one of the most important organs.
Your heart has to work way more, the heart get’s “tired” of all the work it has to do in order to keep you going. And together with a higher blood pressure it will effect your entire system. Now a “fatty” liver can heal itself in a year, but which alcoholic really stops? When an alcoholic keeps on drinking in his or her own way and when you are past that “fatty” liver, your life can be in real danger. You can walk to your kitchen and get a heart stroke, suddenly, without any warning. When you are lucky there will be someone around to help you. When you are lucky you will be able to reach the phone and cal 911. But do realize there are many people who die of an heart attack in a second or in a couple of minutes and help can’t be provided. They can even die when help is provided.
Alcoholic’s just reason or wave that all away. That does not happen to them. They are healthy, they know.
Well, you can LOOK healthy, but the brain damage next to the organ damage is already there. Invisible. Not a very comforting thought…Do I want to scare you with this? No. I DO want to tell people who are having issues with alcohol to UNDERSTAND what they are doing. Lot’s of people can tell alcoholic’s it is dangerous and still they do it, over and over again. They just don’t believe it. It will just never happen to them. They know. …
Alcoholic’s keep on asking themselves WHY they are drinking. Some of them say: “It’s like I turn into a different person. A person who automatically takes over my will NOT to drink. That person is driving the car to the pub, or to the store to get the desired amount of bottles. REALLY???
It is also easy to go after the WHY question. It will provide you with more time because when you don’t know WHY you drink you need time to get to the answer. I personally believe that is BULLSHIT.
I believe it ONLY has to do with making a clear CHOICE. Understand what I am saying here, I am not JUDGING it, I only write down my opinion here after many chats with alcoholic’s. In my work as a psychological therapist I have seen many addicted people, but in my own environment I have seen this happen too, over and over again. The WHY question seems to be the most important. But you know, weird enough it isn’t…Then WHAT IS IT?
In my opinion it is about digging deep in your own Self. It is about understanding that no one wants to take that Fuzzy land away from you. I want you to understand that your Fuzzy Land is like walking in a swamp… And who wants to drown in a swamp? So, it needs to be a real felt CHOICE, and even when an alcoholic has done many rehabs or many AA Meetings, it will not help unless the alcoholic him/herself DECIDES it’s OVER.
When you KNOW you are a good person, when you have the TRUE belief you are YOU always, no matter what. When you don’t need other persons to FIX it, to BALANCE you, there will be another feeling inside of you. An ENTIRE new feeling of knowing it is YOU who designs your life. The design that really fits you and really belongs to you. To live the Life you REALLY want. You can CHOOSE to DESIGN that.
As you also design the need to drink. It is not even about the alcohol. The alcohol is just an issue that is there to show you the way you designed yourself before you came to this world. You created the alcohol issue to deal with something else. Still with me here? Alcohol is just the thing you USE to get where you really WANT to be. It has Insights in it. Once you DECIDE to make the Choice NEVER to drink alcohol again, these Insights will be given to you.
In my opinion alcoholics are people who do not believe in themselves the way they want to believe in themselves. They may THINK they do, but deep inside of them they do not at all. The drinking put’s a focus on an underlying issue. That can be a lack of self esteem, it can be a fear of not being able to achieve what they want, it can be they feel small and need strong persons around them to assure them they are alright. But in fact they do not need their Fuzzy Land, nor alcohol. They just can CHOOSE to be the REAL person they already are, without hidden fears. In Full TRUST they will be guided through Life. The Universe will take care of them in a way they never thought was possible.
For a mother/ partner/family it is one hell of a road to walk. They can’t reach the person they Love, since the alcoholic seems to believe he/she will survive and the alcoholic him/herself doesn’t necessarily see it as a problem. And there we go again….After the drinking is done, the alcoholic feels like he/she has just proved themselves to be weak again in a negative way. Or they tell you no one seems to have any problem with the drinking but you. Because you would judge the drinking or because you feel helpless. In my opinion that is projection.
Alcoholic’s have fall back’s because they do not FEEL the key inside of them. They simply even don’t LOOK inside of themselves. And when they do, they even manage to manipulate it their own way by denial. Nothing bad will happen. You are the one with fear. They always know better. Or they do know and say they don’t care. Only when the alcohol gets them down and they end up in a hospital, they do care. To start all over again. Without getting the hidden Insights.
Alcoholic’s drink because they want to be on their self chosen isle, and don’t you try to tell them you don’t want that. They also will lie to you. They will even put the burden on you. They manipulate. They yell at you. The truth is the alcoholic in general holds on to fear, even when it is hidden.
Alcoholic’s do feel stress, but they just park it. Then, after a while when the stress levels are too high, they start drinking again. To get rid of it. They even might not be aware of the stress levels inside of them. Till they can’t take anymore. It needs to be dealt with. Drinking is taking the stress levels down. There can be alcoholic’s who just drink because that has become their life. Or they drink because of the “emptiness” of their existence. Or it has just become a habit. There are many ways to be an alcoholic. Still I believe it is always a CHOICE.
A mother/partner/family can choose to suffer WITH the alcoholic or stand strong, not giving in anymore. How many times have the alcoholics cried bitter tears because they didn’t WANT to drink? This means there is a HIDDEN WANT that drives them to drink alcohol again. You can do whatever you want to do, you can go after the WHY do I drink question but it will only be a longer path to take. It will always be a CHOICE. Your choice. Once the REAL CHOICE is made, the alcoholic will heal him/herself. And start their journey of Life in a way better and more healthy way. They can even choose to support other persons who struggle with alcohol and become a sponsor.
Do we, being a mother/partner/family support the alcoholic in a way that will be really helpful? I have seen many of them unempowered, sad, suffering. Why?
Because they feel responsible? Because they will feel guilty when they say it stops here for me/us? Feel fear because then there will be a lack of control? Do we give them everything? Did we give them enough?
Personally I believe we don’t support them when we provide them with everything. I believe we just contribute to the addiction.
In my opinion it could work way better to tell the alcoholic: “Listen, this is a Choice. YOUR Choice, not mine. So when you want to destroy yourself, go and do it. You don’t want my/our help. Not really. You want to be able to keep on living the way you live in your own way. Even when that desire is a hidden one and you THINK you do NOT want to drink. Who are you kidding here?” And I would choose to say that from a Loving place, not from a judging place at all. We can still LOVE them, while we help them in a different way. We can still choose to BE there for them. But is has to be clear it is always the CHOICE of the alcoholic him/herself to stop drinking or not.
A fact is that many of the Caretakers do not tell this to their son/ daughter/ partner/ family who is the alcoholic. They have already given up Hope. I don’t know what is worse. To still hold on to Hope or to have lost Hope.
So, here’s the Thing:
Alcoholic’s DO HAVE A CHOICE…….
It is not about the WHY they drink anymore.
It is about WHAT DO THEY CHOOSE?
A real alcoholic does not decide to make that choice on a long term. They will feel dependent from The Others to GIVE them Balance so they will not feel the want to drink. Or they will feel dependent from The Others because they “make” them feel good. In many cases it seems to be that the alcoholic is trying to stop, but underneath there is a contradiction, ending up in the opposite of what they really want: drinking. Do you think they REALIZE it is a DEAD END they CHOOSE above Life…?
The human body is not designed to keep on purifying alcohol, or drugs of what other toxic stuff we put into it. The organs of alcoholics become more weak each time they drink. But because they don’t FEEL it and the doc says they SEEM to be healthy, they believe that rather than understanding the doc has not done any further research. Like the smoker who enters the room at the doctor’s place and hears he/she is in perfect condition. They can have bad lungs but when the doctor tells them their lungs are good because they SOUND normal, a smoker will continue smoking.
I have seen many alcoholics who died young. Way too young. One of my ex boyfriends used to be an alcoholic, he died at the age of 47. I have seen people die from alcohol who drank alcohol every day and people who drank alcohol a couple of times per year. But when they drank it was huge… The body had to work so hard to detox it again, that each time their organs became more weak. Apart from the Brian damage…
Until the last drink they take, finally. Death is an uninvited guest who can be standing in your room already, without noticing it. Leaving the Loved Ones behind.
To all of the readers of this blog I would like to ask:
When you feel or think you are an alcoholic, what do you REALLY want? What is YOUR REAL CHOICE?
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”