In my work as a psychological therapist and life coach I have seen many women who chose for a selective memory. They were all following their emotions the way they wanted to feel them. Incredibly enough they als all denied the reality of thier life. Having a partner who beat them up, or a partner who betrayed them, even a partner who threatened them with death, they all chose to continue to believe in a sub reality called their wish. A wish to have a good relationship with their dude, a dream everything was just fine and holding on to a few sweet words their man once said.
‘He really is not as violent as you believe, he told me how much he Loved me!’
‘He had promised never to beat me up again, why can’t you see that he is honest about this?’
‘He can act this way, but deep inside I know he Loves me.’
‘He has had a tough time and I just want to support him. He never says it but I know he appreciates me.’
‘He does call me names, I know that. But you know, he doesn’t mean that. He just Loves me.’
‘When he drinks he is a different person, but when he is sober he can be really sweet to me.’
‘He really wants to get off the drugs, I know he will stay clean this time. For me, and our relationship.’
etc. etc. etc.
All of these women have one thing in common. They do not get what they want. They every now and then see a glimpse of the man they want him to be and are holding on to their belief it will be alright. Their dude just can’t really be this way. They all create their own reality, brutally interrupted by beating or other negative humiliating actions.
The truth travels more fast than the dream. The truth is not what they want to be their reality. So within seconds to days, these women turn the negative action into something “that happens”…Something they choose to forget about because it doesn’t fit into their dream. They start to live a sub reality life they can handle. Their need to be Loved is so deep they can’t permit themselves to see the reality they live in. To accept the truth would mean you would see life the way it is and that is not the life they want.
It can be very hard to admit that your guy is violent, abuses you, loves himself more than he can love another person and betrays you. That is the reality you don’t want. So instead of seeing the husband the way he really is, they want to stay in their own fairy tale, so life will be great. Unfortunately it isn’t. And in over 90 percent it will never be that way.
Hard isn’t it? That’s the way these women look at it. But when you dive into this all, you can also see these women have a low self esteem. They believe, they really believe they “should” be grateful someone wants them. Someone likes them enough to stay with them…
This happens in every layer of society. From doctors to women who did not get any education at all. It’s all about who you believe you truly are. It’s all about Connecting to your Soul energy and your Connection with the Light, since these two are inseparable.
You can be very successful in your job, people can think you have everything, but who sees you when you come home to him? Or he to you? The guy everyone else thinks of as extremely nice, even feeling jealous of you because you are married to Mister Wonderful? Would they believe you when you would open up and tell them about his excessive way of betrayal? His violence after he has been drinking or after using drugs? Would they believe you or him?
Many women chose to stay. Many women feel humiliated and isolated at the same time.
For all of these women I have just one question:
Is this the Life you REALLY want?
When it is not, just think about what you DO want. And then look at yourself. How long have you been telling yourself you were happy while you were not? How much longer do you want to wait for his “recovery”…and do you really believe this is possible? Just be silent for a while and listen to what you REALLY FEEL DEEP INSIDE OF YOU…..Think in opportunities, in possibilities, never in thoughts that keep you prison. There is always a way out, a way back to the Life you really want.
When you want to get out of this relationship, prepare it. Prepare it well. Be somewhere else when you tell him. You never know how he will respond to you and you want to be in a safe environment when you do. And when you can’t face him directly, send him a letter or let a lawyer do that for you.
Do understand one thing, your partner most likely will not immediately accept your decision. For he has had the power over you so long. Be determined. Feel STRONG. Know and feel you are doing the RIGHT THING. It is okay to choose for you!
I have one question left you may want to turn around now:
Who wants to have me as a partner?
Now turn it around:
Who is good enough to deserve me?
Just think about it, and go start living the Life you always wanted…as a real truth, YOUR TRUTH.