We live our lives in the way we do, every day, over and over again. The past is done, we live in the Now…do we?
Today I received a message from an old boyfriend. I dated him when I was 23. That’s 31 years ago….WOW!
I always wanted to know what happened to him, as I wanted to know what happened to my dear friend at high school Erica. She found me back after 38 years….and it’s so absolutely fabulous to pick up the friendship where we left it so many years ago, we talk like there have never been 38 years in between and still feel each other on distance!
The guy I dated is Hans. He worked at the airport in Amsterdam, I did too. I remember being totally in Love and he with me, but he already was in a relationship and was not ready to end it at that time. And I never wanted to get involved too much because he was in a Love relationship at that time. I wanted him to choose for me but he was not ready yet at that time so we broke up. Or actually, we never said that, we just did not see each other again. That was a real hard lesson of Life. It broke my heart.
Now, after so many years, he told me he felt terribly sorry for not being able at that time to end the relationship he was in, even as he knew it was a bad relationship. People often feel the “need” to stay “loyal” to a person even when they aren’t happy at all. It is the process of Life teaching us things. Giving us Insights.
He now lives abroad but wants to see me and talk about our lives. What happened in between. And I agreed while I feel this is an honest want.
We never had the opportunity to say goodbye, maybe because we didn’t want to. Maybe because we didn’t know how to say goodbye. How can you say goodbye when you want to be with each other? So it was a silent end. To be able to meet again will give us both the opportunity to feel the Connection we share and to feel that Love has many faces. I know Brian still Loves women he dated or has been in a relationship with. And why would that change? Love is a beautiful Gift we can share. It’s our decision what to do with it and in what way we want to experience that in the Now.
Hans is married and lives in another country. I am married and live in another country. When we will meet it will be a joyful moment. Filled with a lot of talking about everything we didn’t share which is about a lifetime.
Marriage is also giving each other the space to interact with friends, even when these friends once were Lovers.
How many of you are able to see friends, old friends or even friends you dated once, without getting a negative comment? From family or your partner? How many of you get the comment they even forbid you to see that person or worse they will tell you when you are going to do that they will no longer be married? It’s all based on Fear.
I want to live my Life to the fullest and know that I live it the way I want to live it. No secrets. Why would I? I got nothing to hide. So I am looking forward on meeting Hans after so many years. We will catch up and talk a lot. And it will be good.
The past sometimes regains the Now, being present in the moment we live in. And when it does we have the choice to run away from it or to embrace it. I know I will choose for the second.
How about you? What would you choose? Would you go for your true wants or would you hesitate or refuse because of The Others or beliefs you were taught?