I Always thought I felt attached to certain emotional things like a statue that once belonged to my grandmother, or the jacket of my dad who passed away. But in fact nothing can bring back the persons and looking at them I feel a certain Sadness looking at the statue and the jacket that makes me feel a kind of homesick.
The only thing is that Home is where the heart is. Artists wrote a lot of songs about it.
I always believed that a Home was the place I was surrounded with my personal stuff. And indeed, that helps to create my home. I do not have my personal stuff around me here now and i have been living out of my suitcase for about three and a half year now.
And all this time I believed I could not feel happy without my own personal stuff. I NEEDED that in order to feel Happy. That is a huge Belief.
I cannot deny that it is a pleasure to have my beautiful enjoyable paintings on the wall. My own cabinets and my statues and Buddha’s.
Still this does not make a Home. When home is where the heart is, my heart is not here. So where is it?
How many of you are surrounded by their own personal stuff and do not feel Home?
What IS Home?
I looked for a Home outside of me. In my house, in the persons who lived with me there. But I forgot to look inside Me…To me Home is IN me. When I do not feel Home In me I will never find it anywhere. No partner can provide me with a Home. Only I can do that myself.
The question how do I create my own Home In me?
First of all I felt like I did not take time for me…I rushed from here to there. I always worked and was busy for The others mostly. I told myself I HAD to do things otherwise it was not good enough. I let go of that Belief. When I choose to do something now, it is because I really WANT to do it. Not because I believe I HAVE to do it. The HAVE TO do it has to do with the opinion from The Others and what seems to be all around accepted. No more.
Secondly I understood that The Others influenced me with their Beliefs. I do not choose to live by the well meant advices of the Others anymore.
Third reason is that I want to be the Center of Me. My choices. My understandings. My Insights. I can only feel and receive that when I am Listening to what I am Given to hear and understand.
Fourth reason is the Love I deeply feel for Myself now. I always gave my Love to The Others first and I stopped doing that.
Loving Me means I am independent and do not NEED the Love nor be Confirmed anymore by The Others.
I know I am a good person. I know I do my ultimate best to live my Life the way it is meant for me. I know only I can feel and understand what is my path of Life and that only I can walk it.
This all means that I do not need to look for my Home anymore.
My Home is where MY heart is, and my heart will travel with me where ever I go. When I can Share this with my partner, it will only increase itself.
But that is because it is a choice.
My Choice…. How about you?