Some people lose their partner through death, others lose them through divorce or separation.
Not everyone will see the Loss as an opportunity to Create another future. Most of them will mourn (which is useful too) or believe their future is destroyed. Others will take their time to accept it and go on with their lives. Others will remain asking the “Why” question. Some will be deeply sad and mourn for years. Others will be devastatingly angry for what happened. It’s all good whatever you feel. This blog is just meant to be able to think about it. Maybe in a different way than you used to do. No victimizing behavior. But taking your Life in your own hands and decide what to do with it. You are still alive. You are still there. No matter what happened, you are still alive. And only you can decide what’s next.What could help is to look at what the Loss does with You. There can be a gap, there can be anxiety, there even can be relief, there can be disbelief, everything is possible. But what if we try to see what happened to us as something meant to be? That the partner died or divorced you because it was Time? We never know what Time we can share, what Time will be ours. Therefor it’s important to live your Life in the most intense way possible. To live Life to the fullest. To kiss your wife or man like it is the last time. To embrace them with all of your heart and Soul Energy. To Share….To feel how the beautiful Energy called Love can lift you. To know there is a way out of that dark place in which you feel trapped.
I know there are partners who never experience that great feeling of True Love. Who are together instead of Together. I know and realize there also are many partners who stay in their relationship because of reasons other than Love. Financial reasons, safety reasons, etc. There are partners who started madly in Love and dried up in that feeling after a few months to a few years. Bit by bit they broke down the house and the foundation their Love was built on. Too much work, too much ambition, too little time for each other, too much sorrows, too much have to’ s and too few want to’ s. Quality times was in lack. Thinking back of the many couples I worked with in my office as a psychological therapist, I have seen and heard it all. And each time the partners did not realize it was them doing it, creating it. For it is not about how your partner talks, eat or sleeps. It is about how you choose to look at that. Irritations can be as many as you create. However you do have a choice in this. Talking with people who wanted my help in this, I have seen it happen many times. The amazement of what they dis-covered and re-found. When you loose a partner it can be very challenging. You can feel teared apart, the pain can be deep and devastating. You can feel it cutting down in your Soul. It leaves you with eyes wide open at night. It leaves you with questions. Why did this happen? Why he or why she? What is the point of this all? And bit by bit you will see the Insights are coming to you. But only after the sharp pain let’s you an opening to do so. That is a decision you are able to make. Only you can decide when it’s time to do so. Some do that in days, others in years and some people never can. But it’s very important you do understand how this can be for you. To see you do have a Choice. To know and feel you are not a victim.
But a man or a woman who wants to share Love, who wants to feel Loved and who wants to Give Love. Some people say you need to mourn for 2 years. Others say it can take even more. It’s all up to you. It’s all up to who you meet, who will be your friend and who will grow with you in that process to become a partner.
But what if we have a Choice? A REAL Choice?
Will it still be possible to feel happy? Even when we Lost our partner we felt so entwined with? The answer is Yes………The Question however is yours. Do you WANT that? A part of you may not want that at all. Can you feel Happy? This could mean you start developing guilt for creating Happiness. Not done when you Lost your partner? First of all Happiness is something inside of You. It is there, ready to be poked to blossom. Yes, you can sustain yourself to feel Love, yes, you are allowed to feel Happiness. Even when it is for one single second. No judgments. Don’t start judging yourself when you feel Happy.
We all have our moments of Despair, of Darkness, of feeling homesick for what we had and is gone. But we also carry something with us that is so precious. For we carry Love with us. The ability to recover is tightened to that remarkable Gift we got call Love. Love heals all and Everything. Love Empowers you. Love did not disappear with the death of the divorce from a partner. Love is still there. Love for yourself. Love for The Others. Love from the people who Love you and you Love in reverse.
Love is not only a Power we can feel when we have a partner, the Power of Love surrounds us. Embraces us.It can be Given by a simple song that reaches out to us, touching our emotions. It can be a call from a friend, a postcard, a meet with an unknown person when you walk your dog, the sunrise in the early morning when you were not able to sleep. It is the beauty of nature, the smile of a child, the touch of a hand on yours. Love is everywhere and it’s Healing Force is undoubtedly there to Help you. Rumi the poet once said. “When there is Light within you, you will find the way Home.” And I believe that. I have seen it happen, over and over again. So never despair, for Love will never leave you.
An Insight I want to share with you is that you are the designer of what YOU FEEL. No circumstances or partings in what way can MAKE you feel anything. It will always be YOU responding to that. Knowing that and understanding the meaning of this, it will be possible to accept, embrace and let go of grief when you decide that. And again, every single person will do that in his or her own way.
We are the directors of our own Life.We decide, we choose. We take Time to heal us. We open up to Love when we are ready for it. We are listening to our Inner Voice. That is when you choose to think about this and decide you want to get out of No where land, be freed from Lostness and decide to Live again.
The last I want to share with you is that you can choose your own family. Always. It is not only about blood family who can Love you. It is about whom we choose to be our family. What people Love you and want to be a part of your Life? Who are always there for you? What good friends are your brothers and sisters? Who belong to you by Soul? My personal Belief is that we are able to decide and choose all of that.
How about you?