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Happy New Fear!

Most of us will start the New year with all Good Intentions… Quit smoking, getting another job, making up with the long lost friend, go to the Gym to do those work outs, eat less etc. everything intended to create a Happy New Year!

The Good thing about Good Intentions is that they are well meant…for that moment. Still Good Intentions can have relatives like Aunt Disappointment and Cousin Failure. Not to speak of Uncle You are all Weakness or Niece I Told you so! They all were raised by the ‘God’ father of all called: Fear Sign.....Fear…..So when we feel the want to wish each other a very Happy New Year, we could also see this as an open invitation to think about all the Fear we hold without even realizing we do.

Fear is the worst enemy we say, but is that really the case here? Without Sun there would be no Shadow isn’t it? When we would never experience Fear we also would not try our very best to defeat it….would we?
In fact Fear has another relative, actually it could be it’s partner, any idea what this could be? How about Denial? It’s way more easy to just deny you are feeling Fear and trade it for two other family members like Arrogance and/or Aggression….Hanging out with one of these family members can distract you and even give you the idea you are doing great. Sure, deep down you will know it, but who cares once you start to deny that little voice, it’s an easy road to walk. The only thing is that this chosen road will not bring you where you really want to be. In the End you will feel Alone, not really appreciated and feel the want to be honest to your Self. That is I can only hope this will be the case. That you will start to ask your self questions like: How can I feel Unhappy when I HAVE Everything…How  come I do not feel satisfied? THAT my friend, is the best that could ever happen to you. It means you start to hear your Inner Voice again.

Whenever you want to be and Feel Loved, it is important to know who you really are and what you really want.Of course it’s possible you want to have an easy Life with luxury and everything to prove you made it. Great! When that is your true want it’s Mission accomplished. But when you want to give Life YOUR Life a meaning which is deeper than that, just dig in here.

Is where you are now also where you WANT to be? When it is, Congrats to you! Solutions can be well hidden inside your Self...When it is not, what could you possibly do to Change it into what you really want?
The fun of it is, we almost always SIT on our solutions but we can’t seem to dis- cover them. We are looking for our Happiness outside of our Selves. We make our Self dependent from what The Others might Give us. We experience Problems as obstacles that stand in our way.

But in fact these ‘Problems’ are placed there so we can start to hear our Inner Voice. Not an easy thing when you are not a Believer there is more than what you can see with your own eyes. Still, when you try not to come up with self chosen solutions, you might hear your Given Insights more and more. Just be Aware of it and start to Listen. It will bring more’ family members’ to you. More Positive relatives. Once we start to choose our real Family like Trust and Self Esteem, Honesty and Willpower, we can achieve Everything we so deeply longed for.

Like a friend I know who believes she will only be able to find herself the Real One out of town, creates a vicious circle. Once she would start to CREATE the Belief her Mister Right WILL come along she will open up the Attraction from within and the Universe will respond to that immediately. Out of the Blue.
But when you start to believe there is no one out there and you need to move to another town or country to find him that is what you create as well. How about creating the reality HE is already THERE…?You just did not MEET yet.
HE can visit or just drop by.Mister Right.... He can meet you without any intentions but to get a hotel room and walk into a store where you guys start to chat…or HE can just have his car break down while you just come out of Wall mart and offer him a ride to his house…
HE will literally BUMP into you as you are already late for work and want to get some fruits for breakfast …
EVERYTHING is possible once you start to CREATE different Beliefs.
The Universe Connects wandering Souls who are on the same Level in their Search. These Souls  WILL Meet at the Right time and Place. The only thing you need in this is hidden deep inside of your Self. It is the place where we do not look anymore for it has not brought us what we were looking for yet. So we get frustrated and invite a family member called our Aunt Disappointment for we feel really Connected with her during our Search. The key to this all however is simply but effective:

Just NEVER GIVE UP……!

My Good Intention for the New Year is not to feed Fear. To stay even more in the Now than I already do. I want to choose my own relatives to accompany me. How about you?

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In a Love relationship people pretend to really know each other well. So well, they start to assume what the partner thinks or will do. Sometimes they are right but is it a good idea to assume? In America we say:’Don’t ASSUME because you make an “ASS” out of “U” and “ME”…..

Sure, you know him or her in a way no one else does. And of course you have experienced him or her in many situations, but do you really know what he or she thinks or will do? People are in their own process and change all the time. Small changes can lead to bigger ones. I will give you an example.

A man is married to his wife for over 26 years.Yelling or Listening...... They understand each other and they truly Love each other. The woman is always open and honest, talks about everything. The man is not much of a talker at all. He pretends to listen to his wife but since she talks a lot she assumes he is a very good Listener while he is thinking about other stuff while she is talking. Every now and then he says: aha or yes, or no or ah or really? She believes he is the best husband in the world for he always listens. She assumes he knows about her inn’s and out’s. One day she is reminding him of this important meeting she needs to attend. He wishes her good luck and grabs the newspaper again. She stares at him and asks why he is still sitting there. He looks up in an astonished way and asks what she means. The woman yells he agreed to come with her and looks at him with a not-believing-what-he-does expression on her face. He coughs, mumbles something and hides behind the newspaper again. The woman starts to explode. ‘Why do you do this to me? Can’t you see how important this is to me? It’s about me here you know? How can you be so rude? You make me feel angry, is that what you want for me?’ The man lowers his newspaper and looks at her. He puts the newspaper aside and stares at her. The woman repeats asking if he knows he is ruining her career by his attitude. And demands to know what ‘s wrong…The man’s facial expression now changes.

‘You, my love, you is what’s wrong. First of all it’s Always about you.

Secondly I am no God so I don’t hold the power nor the ability to ruin your career or make you feel anything. And the last thing I want to tell you is that I do not hear all you say simply because you talk so much that’s very hard to define what’s important or not since everything is important to you. So when you ask me to come with you now and you really Ask me, I will consider going with you when that really means much to you. But when it is just because you want to look distinguished and “normal” for having a partner instead of feeling the want to have YOUR partner there with you, I will refuse it.’
The woman opens her mouth to say something and then shuts it immediately. She does not know what to say for her husband told her things she had no idea of. She Assumed she knew what he was thinking. He let her. To a certain degree.

What does this example tell us?

How does this work in your personal life? Do you always believe you know what your partner thinks or believes? Do you open up and talk about that? Or do you choose to believe you know?

Personally I believe in being open meaning I ask questions and I feel interested in the thoughts and the process my partner is in.
When I feel a distance for whatever reason I ask myself and my partner why I feel this. We talk about that. And we ask open questions like:

What is it that you feel?

Can you describe it to me?

Why do you believe you feel this?

What does this tell you? Etc.

No matter how well you believe you know your partner, friend or family, be open to ask questions all the time. Never assume you know. Because it could very well be you do not know it at all.Communication............it's all about Love! Communication............it's all about Love! Or you only know it half. When partners want to keep growing Together it is very important to Communicate….really Communicate. Be in a Loving place while talking. Listen. Do not prepare you answer while you pretend to listen but take time to Listen well and then come up with an answer.

Feel Safe. For when you are in a real Good Love relationship you can do that without any Fear. And when you do feel Fear, talk about that. For you have a good chance your partner does the same thing you did. To keep the Connection open, it’s all about Loving Communication.

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To assume is to expect. To expect is to glance into the future with hope. Writing your own scenario in that future. Projecting your wants upon the person who “needs” to make it come true. To be disappointed when the future has become the Now…you might discover the scenario is written by the other person himself/herself. And most probably Judge him, her or yourself….Still with me?

Assuming means you are thinking for The Others. I have seen many people, mostly women, in my office in Holland. They all had the same in common:To Assume..........

They Assumed

They Expected

They felt Disappointed

They Judged…

In this time of Christmas I hear people talk about the real Truth within. About values like being Kind, Loving, Sharing, Giving, all ingredients that can lead to a non judgmental behavior. And therefor Peace. Christmas so I hear people say in movies and read in books, papers etc. is the MOST IMPORTANT time of the year. Why? Because we hear about the birth of Christ who was all that. A person like you and I. And yet so totally different. More Wise. More Tolerant. More Giving. More Sharing. More Loving. More Respecting. More Accepting.
More Present in the Now. More Patient. More of all and more…

When we all seem to know our Inner Truth this well, why do we argue so much just to feel Right?

Why is it so important to win the discussion?

Why is it so important we get to say what we want instead of really Listening to what our partner has to say?

Why is there so much to feel bothered or irritated about?

Why is there such a lack of Tolerance?

Why do people want to feel like they own the Truth? Do they look at their REAL Inner Truth?

Why is there so much Jealousy?

Why is there so much Anger?anger

Why do we Assume before talking?

Why do we Expect without asking for what we want?

Why do we feel disappointed?

Why do we Judge?

I believe we all do that out of Fear. Fear to NOT get what we want. Fear to Communicate. Fear to really open up. Fear to BE Judged. Fear to be Rejected….

Most of the people I have seen in my office were women, still there were guys as well. Ashamed to be there for I could possibly think they were weak for coming to the practice. As soon as they understood I was in a Loving place which also meant they felt I was not judging them but listening, they immediately opened up. Shared. Cried. Showed their Real Self. Without Fear.

This means that when we are in a Love relationship we can trade Fear for Trust, and Trust is only possible when we feel Safe.

Just ask your self the question if you feel Safe enough to open up. When so Great! When not so also Great! This means you are able to give a boost to your Love relationship! Since YOU and ONLY YOU are the director of your own Life you are able to use the tools to MAKE this work!

How? By looking back at the A.E.D.J….Assume / Expect/ Disappoint/ Judge….

How does YOUR process work in this? What can you Change? Look at the Key in this for YOU…

By NOT Assuming you can create a moment to really Talk, Communicate. Honest. No hidden signals.
By NOT Expecting you also will not write the scenario for your partner.
By not writing his/ her scenario (they can and will do this on their own) you will create an open field in which the partner can respond in his/ her own words. Therefor there will no Disappointment.
By no Disappointment there also will be no Judgment.
To be able to do all this you might say: When I want to do this all I “need” to feel SAFE…How do I do that?

Super! Than FIRST talk about that. This is YOUR FIRST WANT. Tell your partner you want to Communicate in an open non judgmental way without expectations from both sides. No attacks. Just Loving Talking and Loving listening. So you BOTH can feel Safe without any interruption.
NEGOTIATE about your Wants. Meet each other in these wants without judgments. No expectations. No scenario’s already written.

When you would tell me this is not possible for you always carry expectations I would like to comment on that immediately. Expectations are nothing more or less than a certain need/want to control. You want your things in your way. You designed a future picture of how your life will be, of how you imagine it will be. And your partner is part of that to make that design come true. But Life is not about Expectations. Life is about being OPEN to Life and to Love it to the fullest.
Life is being in the NOW…The Now does not contain any expectations, it just IS.

Expectations are different from Wants. You can always feel and carry your Wants inside of your Soul. Wants are there to be heard, felt, dealt with. The key is to be in a Loving place when you feel your want is to Share your thoughts and wants with your partner. To be in a non judgmental place. To Listen. To Think. To Answer from that place.

A World Peace seems so far away, still it is so Simple….

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“And still, after all this time, the Sun has never said to the Earth,
“You owe me.”
Look what happens with love like that.
It lights up the sky.”
Rumi      Rumi

Rumi is my favorite poet of all times. He is smart, sensitive, has humor, is a philosopher and breaks through the barriers of your thinking.

Thinking of him and reading his books, I can only smile with complete understanding. The guy could have lived here, right now. His poems are to the point and his quotes are spectacularly right.

How can it be a guy who lived over so many years ago, (30 September 1207 – 17 December 1273),

Rumi studies at the school for Sufism. His idea’s were and still are incredible. Once you read some of his quotes on the internet (for I know not everyone will read the poetry books he wrote) you will be amazed by his wisdom.

– The general theme of Rumi’s thought, like that of other mystic and Sufi poets of Persian literature, is essentially that of the concept of tawhīd — union with his beloved (the primal root) from which/whom he has been cut off and become aloof — and his longing and desire to restore it- 

(Source:Wikipedia).

On his tombstone is written:

When we are dead, seek not our tomb in the earth,

but find it in the hearts of men….”

Now that is a thought I can share. The only thing is we don’t need to be dead yet to discover the truth in this. We are still alive and kicking! We do not need to chase to feed ourselves, we do not need to build a hut for we live in beautiful houses. We do not have to walk to get our water for it just is there when we reach for it. We do not need to walk miles to get somewhere for we can use bike’s, cars, trains, trolley’s, plains etc. We do not need drums to tell our wants to other tribes for we have the internet, newspapers, phones etc. What we do need is Love. Finding Love in the hearts of mankind. Love that does not ask or demand. Love that does not judge but accepts. Love that does not need war to take the power. Love that is Giving. Love that is Sharing. Love that is altruistic (unselfish). Love that just is.

“And still, after all this time, the Sun has never said to the Earth,
“You owe me.”
Look what happens with love like that.
It lights up the sky.”
Rumi

When we can feel Love in ourselves, for ourselves, sharing this with who we meet, wouldn’t that make a beautiful and loving world?

Unforced Peace….Roky Erickson

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Loss or Lost…?

Some people lose their partner through death, others lose them through divorce or separation.

Not everyone will see the Loss as an opportunity to Create another future. Most of them will mourn (which is useful too) or believe their future is destroyed. Others will take their time to accept it and go on with their lives. Others will remain asking the “Why” question. Some will be deeply sad and mourn for years. Others will be devastatingly angry for what happened. It’s all good whatever you feel. This blog is just meant to be able to think about it. Maybe in a different way than you used to do. No victimizing behavior. But taking your Life in your own hands and decide what to do with it. You are still alive. You are still there. No matter what happened, you are still alive. And only you can decide what’s next.What could help is to look at what the Loss does with You.url There can be a gap, there can be anxiety, there even can be relief, there can be disbelief, everything is possible. But what if we try to see what happened to us as something meant to be? That the partner died or divorced you because it was Time? We never know what Time we can share, what Time will be ours. Therefor it’s important to live your Life in the most intense way possible. To live Life to the fullest. To kiss your wife or man like it is the last time. To embrace them with all of your heart and Soul Energy. To Share….To feel how the beautiful Energy called Love can lift you. To know there is a way out of that dark place in which you feel trapped.

I know there are partners who never experience that great feeling of True Love. Who are together instead of Together. I know and realize there also are many partners who stay in their relationship because of reasons other than Love. Financial reasons, safety reasons, etc. There are partners who started madly in Love and dried up in that feeling after a few months to a few years. Bit by bit they broke down the house and the foundation their Love was built on. Too much work, too much ambition, too little time for each other, too much sorrows, too much have to’ s and too few want to’ s. Quality times was in lack. Thinking back of the many couples I worked with in my office as a psychological therapist, I have seen and heard it all. And each time the partners did not realize it was them doing it, creating it. For it is not about how your partner talks, eat or sleeps. It is about how you choose to look at that. Irritations can be as many as you create. However you do have a choice in this. Talking with people who wanted my help in this, I have seen it happen many times. The amazement of what they dis-covered and re-found. When you loose a partner it can be very challenging. You can feel teared apart, the pain can be deep and devastating. You can feel it cutting down in your Soul. It leaves you with eyes wide open at night. It leaves you with questions. Why did this happen? Choices.....Why he or why she? What is the point of this all? And bit by bit you will see the Insights are coming to you. But only after the sharp pain let’s you an opening to do so. That is a decision you are able to make. Only you can decide when it’s time to do so. Some do that in days, others in years and some people never can. But it’s very important you do understand how this can be for you. To see you do have a Choice. To know and feel you are not a victim.
But a man or a woman who wants to share Love, who wants to feel Loved and who wants to Give Love. Some people say you need to mourn for 2 years. Others say it can take even more. It’s all up to you. It’s all up to who you meet, who will be your friend and who will grow with you in that process to become a partner.

But what if we have a Choice? A REAL Choice?

Will it still be possible to feel happy? Even when we Lost our partner we felt so entwined with? The answer is Yes………The Question however is yours. Do you WANT that? A part of you may not want that at all. Can you feel Happy? This could mean you start developing guilt for creating Happiness. Not done when you Lost your partner? First of all Happiness is something inside of You. It is there, ready to be poked to blossom. Yes, you can sustain yourself to feel Love, yes, you are allowed to feel Happiness. Even when it is for one single second. No judgments. Don’t start judging yourself when you feel Happy.

We all have our moments of Despair, of Darkness, of feeling homesick for what we had and is gone. But we also carry something with us that is so precious. For we carry Love with us. The ability to recover is tightened to that remarkable Gift we got call Love. Love heals all and Everything. Love Empowers you. Love did not disappear with the death of the divorce from a partner. Love is still there. Love for yourself. Love for The Others. Love from the people who Love you and you Love in reverse.
Love is not only a Power we can feel when we have a partner, the Power of Love surrounds us. Embraces us.It can be Given by a simple song that reaches out to us, touching our emotions. It can be a call from a friend, a postcard, a meet with an unknown person when you walk your dog, the sunrise in the early morning when you were not able to sleep.To Love or not to Love....there is a book with this title! It is the beauty of nature, the smile of a child, the touch of a hand on yours. Love is everywhere and it’s Healing Force is undoubtedly there to Help you. Rumi the poet once said. “When there is Light within you, you will find the way Home.” And I believe that. I have seen it happen, over and over again. So never despair, for Love will never leave you.

An Insight I want to share with you is that you are the designer of what YOU FEEL. No circumstances or partings in what way can MAKE you feel anything. It will always be YOU responding to that. Knowing that and understanding the meaning of this, it will be possible to accept, embrace and let go of grief when you decide that. And again, every single person will do that in his or her own way.
We are the directors of our own Life.We decide, we choose. We take Time to heal us. We open up to Love when we are ready for it. We are listening to our Inner Voice. That is when you choose to think about this and decide you want to get out of No where land, be freed from Lostness and decide to Live again.

The last I want to share with you is that you can choose your own family. Always. It is not only about blood family who can Love you. It is about whom we choose to be our family. What people Love you and want to be a part of your Life? Who are always there for you? What good friends are your brothers and sisters? Who belong to you by Soul? My personal Belief is that we are able to decide and choose all of that.

 

How about you?

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An Unexpected Journey….

Sometimes we unexpectedly make a journey in ourselves. A journey that can Change our life in a way we never could possibly predict. I will tell you about mine.
Brian and I are a team. 102_6428Always have been since the very first moment we met. Even before we met. For we were madly in Love for about 5 months before we really saw each other. So many memories, so much Sharing, so much understanding, so much Love. We both felt Blessed. We had this effortless joyful and great Love to share and multiply with everything we did.

The circumstances were not ideal. But who needs perfect calmness or everything smoothed out when you feel this kind of Love.
We knew we had met before, in Tuscany, in another life. Even different lives before. And we were so deeply Happy to have found back the Love we always shared before in this life again…We didn’t take anything for granted. Working Together, Laughing Together, Living Together. In perfect understanding.

In overflowing Gratitude and in feeling humble this was ours. We felt Blessed.
Let me tell you more about me first. I come from Holland. Here we hold on to tradition. To Beliefs that are taught by our parents. The Dutch people in general are more distant than I have experienced in America. They “look the cat out of the tree” which is a Dutch saying expressing people do not act right away but keep their distance to first check out what is going on or who some one is. Now I have always been different than my brothers. I was different than my parents. I was no “Dutchie” at all. I wanted to experience myself where my family was taught Beliefs by their parents. I did not choose to believe their Beliefs. At least I thought I did. But somehow, underneath all my braveness and living things my way, there was this undertone that still kept me down in my exploring. I was not aware of that at all until the last couple of months. The old Beliefs popped up, unexpectedly but there. Very much there. What it triggered was Fear. Fear to be rejected as had happened more than once in my Life. Old Fear dressed up as new. I who believed was not doing Fear acted out of Fear now. I will not go into all the details for that is my privacy, but something happened with Brian and I in the beginning of the year that gave the space for my old Beliefs to pop up. Something that caused a distance between Brian and I. An event that took place in the summerhouse caused it.

In February I broke my back after a fall in an unknown movie theater. Brian was in total shock and later that week even in despair for the doctors I called said I was exaggerating. I was in extraordinary pain after a week and could not sit, lay down nor stand. I was crying and got at the point I started to feel nauseous caused by the terrible nerve pain. Later it was clear that one of my spine vertebrae was cutting my nerve. I do not remember very much of that time, apart from the fact I finally was allowed to go to the hospital where they drugged me and nothing helped. Brian who did not speak Dutch was left alone in a town he did not know anyone. Exhausted after three days in a row with no sleep. Upset for he could not understand why doctors did not send an ambulance immediately for I was in such a pain. (At that point we did not know my back was broken.)
During that 13 days in the hospital I had no idea how Brian was doing for I tried to survive the immense pain. After 11 days they used electric impulses on my leg and this finally helped.Brian, connected from soul to soul...... I do not have much memory of the time after I came back in the summerhouse where we stayed. Brian took care of me and was up 3 times per night for otherwise the pain got too bad, I had to get up and stretch. Could not walk, so was in the wheelchair. Fainted. Back in bed.
Brian kept a spreadsheet with what medicines to take at what time. I was in a bed in the living room. Brian was in the other bedroom. I could not do anything. Needed help by every move I wanted to make. I was not me. Brian was not himself. There was a distance because of the medicines and because of the Event that took place there. We both felt it. I just found back the medical sheet Brian made and I saw he wrote entire files with how I felt, what I did, the progress and how I responded.Never knew that he wrote it. Just found them by accident. I did not know about this  for I do not remember. By finding what Brian wrote down on my laptop, I started to think back. And some memories still seemed to be there. They popped up out of the archive, my archive. It was confronting.

I felt disappointed by certain things Brian did. I felt hurt. Rejected. And the old Beliefs started to gain ground here. My mother warned me to not continue this relationship for it was bad for me. All based on fear it would repeat itself. The Others started to give comments based on their Fear and their Beliefs and said I was crazy when I would continue. Because of the medicines and the exhaustion of the burnout I was diagnosed with, I started to see things differently. I did not think the Mary way which is always positive and trustful. I started to belief the old Beliefs of Fear. Based on these Beliefs that were not really mine at all, I was looking at the entire situation in a way that did not fit me. It did fit The Others. Because of that Fear I thought it would be better, though it broke my heart in little pieces, to not continue the Love relationship with Brian. Of course things happened and of course that was not good at all. But the Mary Mary would have talked about it more and would have never given up. The drugged Mary who got influenced without realizing this was happening, chose to break up. For the Beliefs were realistic and I bought them.

Let me tell you,I do not suffer a complex personality. I do no drugs. I was given drugs that could help me though I hated them. I am not a person who is unstable. But I did feel scared. Scared based on the Beliefs of the Others who told me when this Event could happen once it would most certainly happen twice and so on. I did not feel like me. I felt terrible. Alone. Rejected. Even angry, which is a second emotion, for underneath that, lies rejection. I however always believe things happen with a reason. Problems are never there to just bother you. They are there to help you. To get the Insights you need. Even when you were not looking for them…

The journey in me continued. As in Brian. He got confronted with Lostness, complete Lostness. No future plans anymore. No Mary. The distance was partly due to this all. Being apart for that long is devastatingly terrible. After a month of feeling out of his normal balance Brian went to the Option Institute again (www.option.org) to take a course called “Calm Amid Chaos”. He came back and felt balanced again. He faced himself. And decided that he would be fine. He also told me I would come back. And when I asked why, he simply said: ‘Because you will remember….’

I started to awake from my hibernation after 8 months. I saw Brian on Skype every now and then and knew I felt lost too. But because I did Fear and felt Angry I was not able to do anything yet. I chose to remain in my “I am the one who got rejected here remember?” mode and felt like shit. Friends helped me. I stayed with friends, who even took me in for a while. But I knew I had to face Brian again. I decided to deny that force from within. Out of Fear.Fear handle I denied Fear as well. But the reason why I did not continue our relationship started to become more and more clear. I felt hurt. And because I did not want to feel hurt I decided to eliminate the relationship. Out of plain Fear….But my Love for Brian was Always there, underneath that thin surface of hurt and anger. Until the moment I simply could not deny it anymore. Then I got the Insight. I had abandoned my marriage out of Fear. Fear based on things like what happened in the summerhouse, Fear it would happen again. The rejection, the hurt, the feeling of being abandoned.

I called up Brian and said: I want to talk to you on Skype. We talked. We cried. We knew we did not really want to part. That is I did. Brian never wanted to part.Togetherness......Endless Love......a Choice and a Joy every day! After 8 months of being apart and about 2 and a half months of separation, we were back Together again.

Today in the evening of the 8th of December I was watching this movie called:”Man about town” with Ben Affleck, Rebecca Romein and John Cleese. Somewhere in this movie she says: ‘You Always saw me’…and I felt tears running down. Because Brian Always SAW me. He never gave up on me. He simply knew I was coming back.
In this movie “Man about town” Rebecca Romein says: ‘Look inside of yourself and find a place where all of the good memories are, everything that happened between you and me. If you really Love me why is it so hard for you?’….and I cried even more. For it is not about what you did not have or what you did not experience, it is about what you did experience Together.I Love being Me......... And I had to look deep inside of me just like she did and find that place again…I remembered….all of the beautiful things. Everything was still there. Just as Brian said it would be. Even the Event had not changed that, though I believed it had done just that for months. I was in no-where-land for these months. I felt Lost. I felt cut off. I felt terrible.
But after 8 months I knew it was not about Forgiveness towards Brian. I was the one who judged him hard. He did not judge me. The Event was something I could not get over. It was bad. We both knew it was. But for me it was about being able to let go of the Past. Taking my Insights out of that. As Brian did too.
I still remember everything that happened. But I do not choose to judge Brian for that. No more. And the most beautiful thing happened. The veil of judgment I took off gave me the space to see that my Love for Brian was never gone. It was covered by a self protecting defense system based on Fear and the Beliefs of The Others. Beliefs it would never become a good relationship anymore for that was impossible. Well they were right about that. It is even better now! We have grown. We have found our Insights. We survived.

At the End of the movie I quoted before the She says: ‘ I want to come Home… I want us to be Together….I just want to come Home…’Just like I told Brian.

I am coming Home.

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Every single person knows that all the experiences you create or have created will be archived in your system. That can be in a way you are aware of but it can also be archived on a subconscious level. Memories to be remembered or to let go of.

The Past has an extreme Power Living in the Past...a Choice.....we are not always aware of. Exactly like the opinion of The Others who comment on that. When you have Close Friends they want to Protect you from everything that can possibly hurt you or stand in your way. They only want you to be and feel Happy. I understand that process of thinking, however first of all Nothing can MAKE anyone feel hurt. For YOU are the Only One to create a feeling of hurt, of doubt, of Unhappiness and most of all of Happiness…..

Sure, there will be circumstances that will invite you to respond in a way you Feel hurt or desperate or depressed. Still it is YOU doing this to YOU. There is always a Choice in what you want to decide to Feel.

Every time you do Unhappiness, no matter what the cause is, you will be able to let it in or to let it go….It can be very useful to let it in and ‘chew on your piece’ like I name it. To get your Insights out of that Past. To let go of the Unhappiness and take the Insights with you, to use them, to start to ‘better’ your Life…

 

I was watching the video’s on You-tube about the Tsunami. The devastating tales of people, the cellphone shots of this heartbreaking force of nature. Erupting waves, swallowing up people, many children as well. I will never forget the shouts of Death, nor will I ever be able to forget this small girl looking around here where just before her Mom and brothers and sisters were standing and now she was alone, standing there, not understanding…crying…no one to comfort her.

I watched people tell about how they lost their only child and how the force of the water was simply too strong to be able to hold on to their daughter and how she was taken by the enormous force of the water. The same water she played in days in a row before…..

The man sitting next to his bike asking God why He abandoned him. His family was all taken. I listened to the stories of people who survived and felt guilt. They survived. Most of them telling they feel obligated to do their ultimate best to be a better person, as if they they feel the need to make up for those who did not survive.

The Past…

We all make our decisions in this. What to keep and what to let Go. Everything we experience can make or break us. Choice..............It’s a Choice we are not always aware of. In this video I saw a couple who lost their 5 year old Isabella who started a foundation, they raised money and helped the victims. A Choice in the Now, coming from the Past.

I saw a woman who lost her entire family and found only one person back. She says God has made a better person of her.

Which brings me to another force. The force of Gratitude. Next to Love this is the greatest force you can experience. Once you Love and feel Grateful, you will experience a different view of the world and yourself in that world.

 

Once I understood this, it was possible to overcome the disasters I conquered in my Life. I could let Go of the Memory that created Unhappiness. I started to Embrace my so called bad memories and did not flee from them. No more. I faced them. Even the ones that were terrible. Even the ones in which I almost died. Even the persons in these memories who attacked me or wanted to destroy me. I can face them all. And instead of hating them I can embrace them, ask for Guidance for them. The third Force is being able to Forgive. Not in a judgmental way first judge them but in a gentle and Loving way, looking at what happened. Setting them free from your Energy, and therefor setting yourself free of their Energy.

The moment I could let it and them go, it let Go of me…..

How about you?

 

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