To assume is to expect. To expect is to glance into the future with hope. Writing your own scenario in that future. Projecting your wants upon the person who “needs” to make it come true. To be disappointed when the future has become the Now…you might discover the scenario is written by the other person himself/herself. And most probably Judge him, her or yourself….Still with me?
They felt Disappointed
In this time of Christmas I hear people talk about the real Truth within. About values like being Kind, Loving, Sharing, Giving, all ingredients that can lead to a non judgmental behavior. And therefor Peace. Christmas so I hear people say in movies and read in books, papers etc. is the MOST IMPORTANT time of the year. Why? Because we hear about the birth of Christ who was all that. A person like you and I. And yet so totally different. More Wise. More Tolerant. More Giving. More Sharing. More Loving. More Respecting. More Accepting.
More Present in the Now. More Patient. More of all and more…
When we all seem to know our Inner Truth this well, why do we argue so much just to feel Right?
Why is it so important to win the discussion?
Why is it so important we get to say what we want instead of really Listening to what our partner has to say?
Why is there so much to feel bothered or irritated about?
Why is there such a lack of Tolerance?
Why do people want to feel like they own the Truth? Do they look at their REAL Inner Truth?
Why is there so much Jealousy?
Why do we Assume before talking?
Why do we Expect without asking for what we want?
Why do we feel disappointed?
Why do we Judge?
I believe we all do that out of Fear. Fear to NOT get what we want. Fear to Communicate. Fear to really open up. Fear to BE Judged. Fear to be Rejected….
Most of the people I have seen in my office were women, still there were guys as well. Ashamed to be there for I could possibly think they were weak for coming to the practice. As soon as they understood I was in a Loving place which also meant they felt I was not judging them but listening, they immediately opened up. Shared. Cried. Showed their Real Self. Without Fear.
This means that when we are in a Love relationship we can trade Fear for Trust, and Trust is only possible when we feel Safe.
Just ask your self the question if you feel Safe enough to open up. When so Great! When not so also Great! This means you are able to give a boost to your Love relationship! Since YOU and ONLY YOU are the director of your own Life you are able to use the tools to MAKE this work!
How? By looking back at the A.E.D.J….Assume / Expect/ Disappoint/ Judge….
How does YOUR process work in this? What can you Change? Look at the Key in this for YOU…
By NOT Assuming you can create a moment to really Talk, Communicate. Honest. No hidden signals.
By NOT Expecting you also will not write the scenario for your partner.
By not writing his/ her scenario (they can and will do this on their own) you will create an open field in which the partner can respond in his/ her own words. Therefor there will no Disappointment.
By no Disappointment there also will be no Judgment.
To be able to do all this you might say: When I want to do this all I “need” to feel SAFE…How do I do that?
Super! Than FIRST talk about that. This is YOUR FIRST WANT. Tell your partner you want to Communicate in an open non judgmental way without expectations from both sides. No attacks. Just Loving Talking and Loving listening. So you BOTH can feel Safe without any interruption.
NEGOTIATE about your Wants. Meet each other in these wants without judgments. No expectations. No scenario’s already written.
When you would tell me this is not possible for you always carry expectations I would like to comment on that immediately. Expectations are nothing more or less than a certain need/want to control. You want your things in your way. You designed a future picture of how your life will be, of how you imagine it will be. And your partner is part of that to make that design come true. But Life is not about Expectations. Life is about being OPEN to Life and to Love it to the fullest.
Life is being in the NOW…The Now does not contain any expectations, it just IS.
Expectations are different from Wants. You can always feel and carry your Wants inside of your Soul. Wants are there to be heard, felt, dealt with. The key is to be in a Loving place when you feel your want is to Share your thoughts and wants with your partner. To be in a non judgmental place. To Listen. To Think. To Answer from that place.
A World Peace seems so far away, still it is so Simple….