Rumors? No, Rumi………

“And still, after all this time, the Sun has never said to the Earth,
“You owe me.”
Look what happens with love like that.
It lights up the sky.”
― Rumi     

Rumi is my favorite poet of all times. He is smart, sensitive, has humor, is a philosopher and breaks through the barriers of your thinking.

Thinking of him and reading his books, I can only smile with complete understanding. The guy could have lived here, right now. His poems are to the point and his quotes are spectacularly right.

How can it be a guy who lived over so many years ago, (30 September 1207 – 17 December 1273),

Rumi studies at the school for Sufism. His idea’s were and still are incredible. Once you read some of his quotes on the internet (for I know not everyone will read the poetry books he wrote) you will be amazed by his wisdom.

– The general theme of Rumi’s thought, like that of other mystic and Sufi poets of Persian literature, is essentially that of the concept of tawhīd — union with his beloved (the primal root) from which/whom he has been cut off and become aloof — and his longing and desire to restore it- 

(Source:Wikipedia).

On his tombstone is written:

“When we are dead, seek not our tomb in the earth,

but find it in the hearts of men….”

Now that is a thought I can share. The only thing is we don’t need to be dead yet to discover the truth in this. We are still alive and kicking! We do not need to chase to feed ourselves, we do not need to build a hut for we live in beautiful houses. We do not have to walk to get our water for it just is there when we reach for it. We do not need to walk miles to get somewhere for we can use bike’s, cars, trains, trolley’s, plains etc. We do not need drums to tell our wants to other tribes for we have the internet, newspapers, phones etc. What we do need is Love. Finding Love in the hearts of mankind. Love that does not ask or demand. Love that does not judge but accepts. Love that does not need war to take the power. Love that is Giving. Love that is Sharing. Love that is altruistic (unselfish). Love that just is.

“And still, after all this time, the Sun has never said to the Earth,
“You owe me.”
Look what happens with love like that.
It lights up the sky.”
― Rumi

When we can feel Love in ourselves, for ourselves, sharing this with who we meet, wouldn’t that make a beautiful and loving world?

Unforced Peace….Roky Erickson

Loss or Lost…?

Some people lose their partner through death, others lose them through divorce or separation.

Not everyone will see the Loss as an opportunity to Create another future. Most of them will mourn (which is useful too) or believe their future is destroyed. Others will take their time to accept it and go on with their lives. Others will remain asking the “Why” question. Some will be deeply sad and mourn for years. Others will be devastatingly angry for what happened. It’s all good whatever you feel. This blog is just meant to be able to think about it. Maybe in a different way than you used to do. No victimizing behavior. But taking your Life in your own hands and decide what to do with it. You are still alive. You are still there. No matter what happened, you are still alive. And only you can decide what’s next.What could help is to look at what the Loss does with You. There can be a gap, there can be anxiety, there even can be relief, there can be disbelief, everything is possible. But what if we try to see what happened to us as something meant to be? That the partner died or divorced you because it was Time? We never know what Time we can share, what Time will be ours. Therefor it’s important to live your Life in the most intense way possible. To live Life to the fullest. To kiss your wife or man like it is the last time. To embrace them with all of your heart and Soul Energy. To Share….To feel how the beautiful Energy called Love can lift you. To know there is a way out of that dark place in which you feel trapped.

I know there are partners who never experience that great feeling of True Love. Who are together instead of Together. I know and realize there also are many partners who stay in their relationship because of reasons other than Love. Financial reasons, safety reasons, etc. There are partners who started madly in Love and dried up in that feeling after a few months to a few years. Bit by bit they broke down the house and the foundation their Love was built on. Too much work, too much ambition, too little time for each other, too much sorrows, too much have to’ s and too few want to’ s. Quality times was in lack. Thinking back of the many couples I worked with in my office as a psychological therapist, I have seen and heard it all. And each time the partners did not realize it was them doing it, creating it. For it is not about how your partner talks, eat or sleeps. It is about how you choose to look at that. Irritations can be as many as you create. However you do have a choice in this. Talking with people who wanted my help in this, I have seen it happen many times. The amazement of what they dis-covered and re-found. When you loose a partner it can be very challenging. You can feel teared apart, the pain can be deep and devastating. You can feel it cutting down in your Soul. It leaves you with eyes wide open at night. It leaves you with questions. Why did this happen? Why he or why she? What is the point of this all? And bit by bit you will see the Insights are coming to you. But only after the sharp pain let’s you an opening to do so. That is a decision you are able to make. Only you can decide when it’s time to do so. Some do that in days, others in years and some people never can. But it’s very important you do understand how this can be for you. To see you do have a Choice. To know and feel you are not a victim.
But a man or a woman who wants to share Love, who wants to feel Loved and who wants to Give Love. Some people say you need to mourn for 2 years. Others say it can take even more. It’s all up to you. It’s all up to who you meet, who will be your friend and who will grow with you in that process to become a partner.

But what if we have a Choice? A REAL Choice?

Will it still be possible to feel happy? Even when we Lost our partner we felt so entwined with? The answer is Yes………The Question however is yours. Do you WANT that? A part of you may not want that at all. Can you feel Happy? This could mean you start developing guilt for creating Happiness. Not done when you Lost your partner? First of all Happiness is something inside of You. It is there, ready to be poked to blossom. Yes, you can sustain yourself to feel Love, yes, you are allowed to feel Happiness. Even when it is for one single second. No judgments. Don’t start judging yourself when you feel Happy.

We all have our moments of Despair, of Darkness, of feeling homesick for what we had and is gone. But we also carry something with us that is so precious. For we carry Love with us. The ability to recover is tightened to that remarkable Gift we got call Love. Love heals all and Everything. Love Empowers you. Love did not disappear with the death of the divorce from a partner. Love is still there. Love for yourself. Love for The Others. Love from the people who Love you and you Love in reverse.
Love is not only a Power we can feel when we have a partner, the Power of Love surrounds us. Embraces us.It can be Given by a simple song that reaches out to us, touching our emotions. It can be a call from a friend, a postcard, a meet with an unknown person when you walk your dog, the sunrise in the early morning when you were not able to sleep. It is the beauty of nature, the smile of a child, the touch of a hand on yours. Love is everywhere and it’s Healing Force is undoubtedly there to Help you. Rumi the poet once said. “When there is Light within you, you will find the way Home.” And I believe that. I have seen it happen, over and over again. So never despair, for Love will never leave you.

An Insight I want to share with you is that you are the designer of what YOU FEEL. No circumstances or partings in what way can MAKE you feel anything. It will always be YOU responding to that. Knowing that and understanding the meaning of this, it will be possible to accept, embrace and let go of grief when you decide that. And again, every single person will do that in his or her own way.
We are the directors of our own Life.We decide, we choose. We take Time to heal us. We open up to Love when we are ready for it. We are listening to our Inner Voice. That is when you choose to think about this and decide you want to get out of No where land, be freed from Lostness and decide to Live again.

The last I want to share with you is that you can choose your own family. Always. It is not only about blood family who can Love you. It is about whom we choose to be our family. What people Love you and want to be a part of your Life? Who are always there for you? What good friends are your brothers and sisters? Who belong to you by Soul? My personal Belief is that we are able to decide and choose all of that.

 

How about you?

An Unexpected Journey….

Sometimes we unexpectedly make a journey in ourselves. A journey that can Change our life in a way we never could possibly predict. I will tell you about mine.
Brian and I are a team. Always have been since the very first moment we met. Even before we met. For we were madly in Love for about 5 months before we really saw each other. So many memories, so much Sharing, so much understanding, so much Love. We both felt Blessed. We had this effortless joyful and great Love to share and multiply with everything we did.

The circumstances were not ideal. But who needs perfect calmness or everything smoothed out when you feel this kind of Love.
We knew we had met before, in Tuscany, in another life. Even different lives before. And we were so deeply Happy to have found back the Love we always shared before in this life again…We didn’t take anything for granted. Working Together, Laughing Together, Living Together. In perfect understanding.

In overflowing Gratitude and in feeling humble this was ours. We felt Blessed.
Let me tell you more about me first. I come from Holland. Here we hold on to tradition. To Beliefs that are taught by our parents. The Dutch people in general are more distant than I have experienced in America. They “look the cat out of the tree” which is a Dutch saying expressing people do not act right away but keep their distance to first check out what is going on or who some one is. Now I have always been different than my brothers. I was different than my parents. I was no “Dutchie” at all. I wanted to experience myself where my family was taught Beliefs by their parents. I did not choose to believe their Beliefs. At least I thought I did. But somehow, underneath all my braveness and living things my way, there was this undertone that still kept me down in my exploring. I was not aware of that at all until the last couple of months. The old Beliefs popped up, unexpectedly but there. Very much there. What it triggered was Fear. Fear to be rejected as had happened more than once in my Life. Old Fear dressed up as new. I who believed was not doing Fear acted out of Fear now. I will not go into all the details for that is my privacy, but something happened with Brian and I in the beginning of the year that gave the space for my old Beliefs to pop up. Something that caused a distance between Brian and I. An event that took place in the summerhouse caused it.

In February I broke my back after a fall in an unknown movie theater. Brian was in total shock and later that week even in despair for the doctors I called said I was exaggerating. I was in extraordinary pain after a week and could not sit, lay down nor stand. I was crying and got at the point I started to feel nauseous caused by the terrible nerve pain. Later it was clear that one of my spine vertebrae was cutting my nerve. I do not remember very much of that time, apart from the fact I finally was allowed to go to the hospital where they drugged me and nothing helped. Brian who did not speak Dutch was left alone in a town he did not know anyone. Exhausted after three days in a row with no sleep. Upset for he could not understand why doctors did not send an ambulance immediately for I was in such a pain. (At that point we did not know my back was broken.)
During that 13 days in the hospital I had no idea how Brian was doing for I tried to survive the immense pain. After 11 days they used electric impulses on my leg and this finally helped. I do not have much memory of the time after I came back in the summerhouse where we stayed. Brian took care of me and was up 3 times per night for otherwise the pain got too bad, I had to get up and stretch. Could not walk, so was in the wheelchair. Fainted. Back in bed.
Brian kept a spreadsheet with what medicines to take at what time. I was in a bed in the living room. Brian was in the other bedroom. I could not do anything. Needed help by every move I wanted to make. I was not me. Brian was not himself. There was a distance because of the medicines and because of the Event that took place there. We both felt it. I just found back the medical sheet Brian made and I saw he wrote entire files with how I felt, what I did, the progress and how I responded.Never knew that he wrote it. Just found them by accident. I did not know about this  for I do not remember. By finding what Brian wrote down on my laptop, I started to think back. And some memories still seemed to be there. They popped up out of the archive, my archive. It was confronting.

I felt disappointed by certain things Brian did. I felt hurt. Rejected. And the old Beliefs started to gain ground here. My mother warned me to not continue this relationship for it was bad for me. All based on fear it would repeat itself. The Others started to give comments based on their Fear and their Beliefs and said I was crazy when I would continue. Because of the medicines and the exhaustion of the burnout I was diagnosed with, I started to see things differently. I did not think the Mary way which is always positive and trustful. I started to belief the old Beliefs of Fear. Based on these Beliefs that were not really mine at all, I was looking at the entire situation in a way that did not fit me. It did fit The Others. Because of that Fear I thought it would be better, though it broke my heart in little pieces, to not continue the Love relationship with Brian. Of course things happened and of course that was not good at all. But the Mary Mary would have talked about it more and would have never given up. The drugged Mary who got influenced without realizing this was happening, chose to break up. For the Beliefs were realistic and I bought them.

Let me tell you,I do not suffer a complex personality. I do no drugs. I was given drugs that could help me though I hated them. I am not a person who is unstable. But I did feel scared. Scared based on the Beliefs of the Others who told me when this Event could happen once it would most certainly happen twice and so on. I did not feel like me. I felt terrible. Alone. Rejected. Even angry, which is a second emotion, for underneath that, lies rejection. I however always believe things happen with a reason. Problems are never there to just bother you. They are there to help you. To get the Insights you need. Even when you were not looking for them…

The journey in me continued. As in Brian. He got confronted with Lostness, complete Lostness. No future plans anymore. No Mary. The distance was partly due to this all. Being apart for that long is devastatingly terrible. After a month of feeling out of his normal balance Brian went to the Option Institute again (www.option.org) to take a course called “Calm Amid Chaos”. He came back and felt balanced again. He faced himself. And decided that he would be fine. He also told me I would come back. And when I asked why, he simply said: ‘Because you will remember….’

I started to awake from my hibernation after 8 months. I saw Brian on Skype every now and then and knew I felt lost too. But because I did Fear and felt Angry I was not able to do anything yet. I chose to remain in my “I am the one who got rejected here remember?” mode and felt like shit. Friends helped me. I stayed with friends, who even took me in for a while. But I knew I had to face Brian again. I decided to deny that force from within. Out of Fear. I denied Fear as well. But the reason why I did not continue our relationship started to become more and more clear. I felt hurt. And because I did not want to feel hurt I decided to eliminate the relationship. Out of plain Fear….But my Love for Brian was Always there, underneath that thin surface of hurt and anger. Until the moment I simply could not deny it anymore. Then I got the Insight. I had abandoned my marriage out of Fear. Fear based on things like what happened in the summerhouse, Fear it would happen again. The rejection, the hurt, the feeling of being abandoned.

I called up Brian and said: I want to talk to you on Skype. We talked. We cried. We knew we did not really want to part. That is I did. Brian never wanted to part. After 8 months of being apart and about 2 and a half months of separation, we were back Together again.

Today in the evening of the 8^th of December I was watching this movie called:”Man about town” with Ben Affleck, Rebecca Romein and John Cleese. Somewhere in this movie she says: ‘You Always saw me’…and I felt tears running down. Because Brian Always SAW me. He never gave up on me. He simply knew I was coming back.
In this movie “Man about town” Rebecca Romein says: ‘Look inside of yourself and find a place where all of the good memories are, everything that happened between you and me. If you really Love me why is it so hard for you?’….and I cried even more. For it is not about what you did not have or what you did not experience, it is about what you did experience Together. And I had to look deep inside of me just like she did and find that place again…I remembered….all of the beautiful things. Everything was still there. Just as Brian said it would be. Even the Event had not changed that, though I believed it had done just that for months. I was in no-where-land for these months. I felt Lost. I felt cut off. I felt terrible.
But after 8 months I knew it was not about Forgiveness towards Brian. I was the one who judged him hard. He did not judge me. The Event was something I could not get over. It was bad. We both knew it was. But for me it was about being able to let go of the Past. Taking my Insights out of that. As Brian did too.
I still remember everything that happened. But I do not choose to judge Brian for that. No more. And the most beautiful thing happened. The veil of judgment I took off gave me the space to see that my Love for Brian was never gone. It was covered by a self protecting defense system based on Fear and the Beliefs of The Others. Beliefs it would never become a good relationship anymore for that was impossible. Well they were right about that. It is even better now! We have grown. We have found our Insights. We survived.

At the End of the movie I quoted before the She says: ‘ I want to come Home… I want us to be Together….I just want to come Home…’Just like I told Brian.

I am coming Home.

The Power of the Past…..

Every single person knows that all the experiences you create or have created will be archived in your system. That can be in a way you are aware of but it can also be archived on a subconscious level. Memories to be remembered or to let go of.

The Past has an extreme Power we are not always aware of. Exactly like the opinion of The Others who comment on that. When you have Close Friends they want to Protect you from everything that can possibly hurt you or stand in your way. They only want you to be and feel Happy. I understand that process of thinking, however first of all Nothing can MAKE anyone feel hurt. For YOU are the Only One to create a feeling of hurt, of doubt, of Unhappiness and most of all of Happiness…..

Sure, there will be circumstances that will invite you to respond in a way you Feel hurt or desperate or depressed. Still it is YOU doing this to YOU. There is always a Choice in what you want to decide to Feel.

Every time you do Unhappiness, no matter what the cause is, you will be able to let it in or to let it go….It can be very useful to let it in and ‘chew on your piece’ like I name it. To get your Insights out of that Past. To let go of the Unhappiness and take the Insights with you, to use them, to start to ‘better’ your Life…

 

I was watching the video’s on You-tube about the Tsunami. The devastating tales of people, the cellphone shots of this heartbreaking force of nature. Erupting waves, swallowing up people, many children as well. I will never forget the shouts of Death, nor will I ever be able to forget this small girl looking around here where just before her Mom and brothers and sisters were standing and now she was alone, standing there, not understanding…crying…no one to comfort her.

I watched people tell about how they lost their only child and how the force of the water was simply too strong to be able to hold on to their daughter and how she was taken by the enormous force of the water. The same water she played in days in a row before…..

The man sitting next to his bike asking God why He abandoned him. His family was all taken. I listened to the stories of people who survived and felt guilt. They survived. Most of them telling they feel obligated to do their ultimate best to be a better person, as if they they feel the need to make up for those who did not survive.

The Past…

We all make our decisions in this. What to keep and what to let Go. Everything we experience can make or break us. It’s a Choice we are not always aware of. In this video I saw a couple who lost their 5 year old Isabella who started a foundation, they raised money and helped the victims. A Choice in the Now, coming from the Past.

I saw a woman who lost her entire family and found only one person back. She says God has made a better person of her.

Which brings me to another force. The force of Gratitude. Next to Love this is the greatest force you can experience. Once you Love and feel Grateful, you will experience a different view of the world and yourself in that world.

 

Once I understood this, it was possible to overcome the disasters I conquered in my Life. I could let Go of the Memory that created Unhappiness. I started to Embrace my so called bad memories and did not flee from them. No more. I faced them. Even the ones that were terrible. Even the ones in which I almost died. Even the persons in these memories who attacked me or wanted to destroy me. I can face them all. And instead of hating them I can embrace them, ask for Guidance for them. The third Force is being able to Forgive. Not in a judgmental way first judge them but in a gentle and Loving way, looking at what happened. Setting them free from your Energy, and therefor setting yourself free of their Energy.

The moment I could let it and them go, it let Go of me…..

How about you?

 

What do YOU ‘need’ to be Happy?

Very often I heard people say they had everything in their life so they ‘should’ feel Happy but felt a gap that made them feel Unhappy…So all of the beautiful houses, all of their cars, all of their expensive purses, their handmade Italian suits, the vacations, the second or fourth houses they owned could not bring them Happiness. Married but still not Happy. Divorced and still not Happy. How come? What is Missing?

During all of the years I worked in my office as a Psychological Therapist I have heard all of these stories. They all had one thing in Common and that was the way these people Looked at their life.

Let me explain this to you.

You can choose for the belief that a person in your house does things on purpose. Like dropping the socks in front of the laundry basket instead of in that basket. You can have discussions about it and your child or guy will not change it. You can even translate that as being not Interested enough, not Caring enough, not Hearing you enough. You can make the decision to make an issue out of it. Even feel frustrated. Creating an Unhappy feeling within you. Or….You can choose to look at your child or guy with a Loving smile, knowing and understanding this child and this guy have no bad meanings doing that. They just are distracted or do not think about it because it is not important enough for them. Does this mean they deny you? No. Not at all. The belief that the socks NEED to be IN the laundry basket and it is such little effort to do that otherwise they don’t care and therefor do not really Love you, is something that was created by most probably your parents or people around you. Every woman wants their dude and their child to do what they ask in order to feel Cared for and Loved. But ‘Life is too short to match socks’ would a friend of ours say, and North you are so right! So why make an issue out of that just because they think differently?

Now read carefully here, I do not say this is what can make you Happy. It is YOU who chooses what to do with it. But I am sure that when this same child or same guy would be suffering from a disease and the days with that child or with that guy would be counted, you would not make a biggie out of that pair of socks on the floor anymore. So why would you do that now? Things that create Happiness….what would that be for YOU? What is the most Important thing for you in Life? Think about that….

Let GO of that critic little voice inside of your head that tells you you are not worthy enough. That you do not a matter. Let go of all these negative thoughts for they do not Create Happiness but Unhappiness. And remember Happiness is a Choice! (www.option.org) Barry Neil Kaufman wrote a book with this title….very well written!

Both Brian and I took classes at the Option Institute. Just have a look at this video in which Brian tells you about his Creating Happiness!
http://www.option.org/custom:panic-attacks-for-19-years-gone!,single,678

I remember Joanne, a woman at the Option Institute. She told me that I was more than two legs….(after I told her I felt ashamed for years because of my cellulite on my legs.) And guess what? She was so right! From that day on I decided not to think of myself ever again in that negative way. I still have cellulite, but I changed the way I looked at Me….

By Changing the way we look from a negative Belief we are able to Create way more Happiness and we will live our Life with so much more Awareness and Gratitude.
In a conversation I had this last night with Brian he told me this:

 [1-12-2012 23:09:51] Brian Ellis: “I Love you and I want the BEST for you, I will always support you with Love, but if you want my opinion, know that I will tell you my truth…if you are not prepared for that, don’t ask…”

and my answer to that was:

 [1-12-2012 23:10:57] mary van der valk: I will always want to hear your opinion, as long as you tell me gently

 [1-12-2012 23:11:14] Brian Ellis: authenticity from a place of Love!

 

And that is what it is all about.  To be the authentic YOU. To be authentic and feel Love, feel Loved, feel Gentle when talking to each other. To know what your True Beliefs are, to investigate your ‘own’ Beliefs, like are they really yours? Or are they just taken in by you? Are they taught by The Others when you were a child? What really fits you and what Beliefs are taken in without even realizing that you did that. Ask yourself questions like:”Do I really believe this Belief works for me? Do I choose to keep this Belief? Does it feel good for me? ”
Being the True You is taking a journey that will be different to us all. But once we start to be more Aware and start to look differently at ourselves and start to ask our own questions, we can Change and trade our Negative thoughts for Positive ones. And Create  Happiness!
How about you?

Flash Mob’s…Uniting People in Togetherness and Passion!

First let me thank Angelique Stam van Dasselaar for sending me this link, Together we can make a Change!

Okay, here we go!

Flash Mob’s, a Most Beautiful idea watch this video and remember it’s all about being United, feeling Togetherness and being Connected…

Video’s like these almost always bring me to Tears, you know Why? Because it shows me there is another Force that is Loving and can bring a world Peace.

It all starts with fun here but in fact we also Enjoy the Togetherness, the feeling United and it shows!

Thinking about this I realize that even as a child I always felt Moved as I saw people Unite in Togetherness, in Love and Honesty. SOUL Energy…..I cried as a child I cry as an adult. It reaches out to my Soul. This is why I feel I am here. To be There for people. To Help them. To REACH OUT for them. And I always did. Terminal guidance. Therapeutic work. On a professional level as well as on a friends level, I want to be there and make a difference. Not to confirm me, but to feel I can Give Love to my fellow humans. To Give is an immense power it is a force of Nature itself. Not expecting anything back but just Give because you Want to…

This reminds me of another video I just saw on face book. I will post it here for you, just be sure you watch it till the End….

We are all on our journey called Life. We are standing next to each other but we hardly see each other. This video shows what a different world we can create. Watched the complete Difference on the faces of the people there? Smiling in a surprised way….the children, even that baby who looked at this and will remember for ever….This is how our world can look like. I Love the way people find Ways to Connect….to feel United.

The last one I want to post here is about the upcoming period of Time, just have a look and feel HAPPY! Please watch this till the very end of it, it’s  AMAZING…….Thank you Aleigha Russel from Kalispell Montana for sharing this with us! I feel Blessed to be a part of this world…

 

How about you?

We all are One…

As a child I used to look at colored people and thought they looked so special and good to me. In our neighborhood we almost never saw any colored people so it was special, without any doubt. But The way The Others responded to them was terrible. I remember standing in a bakery and there was a black man standing next to me. He looked a bit like Sidney Poitier. The woman who owned the store looked at me, I was about 8 years at that time, and asked me what I needed. I looked at her and to the black man next to me, smiled and said: ‘I want you to ask this Mister for he was here before me.’ The bakery lady however did not look at the man once and repeated her question. I looked at her and pointed to the man beside me.

‘I want you to ask him the same question for he wants something too you know!’ The lady started to color more red in her face and did not respond. This was the moment the black man looked at me, he had a very friendly expression on his face and put a hand on my shoulder. He nodded at me and squinted his eyes in a comforting way for a couple of seconds. Then he said with a beautiful warm voice: ‘Thank you!’ He turned his head towards the bakery lady and smiled his white teeth. ‘One dark wheat bread please!’ His voice had a certain effect on the bakery lady and she took the dark brown loaf from the shelf, wrapped it in paper and gave it to the black man standing beside me.
‘What do I owe you?’ The man asked her gently. The woman mumbled the price of the loaf of bread, did not look at him but held her eyes pointed towards the floor. The man put down the money, looked at me and smiled again. The most beautiful smile I had ever seen in my entire life.
‘Life is not that difficult you know,’ he said softly. I listened to him with not only my ears but with my Soul as well. He smiled again. ‘Life is what you make it,’ he added and put down his hand on my shoulder again. Then, after saying goodbye to the bakery lady, he stepped out of the store and disappeared. I never saw him again but I never forgot him nor his words. Till today I can still hear his warm dark voice and the Comforting peaceful Energy he owned in a pure and honest way.

Next time I went to the bakery, the same lady was talking about that day the black man was in her store to another customer. She felt happy that this sort of people (she referred to the black man) was not seen very often. I could not help hearing this, looked at her and asked: ‘Excuse me…? I could not help hearing you but do you remember what the dark man said after you sold the bread to him?’ The bakery lady seemed to feel highly uncomfortable for she got all red again while she told the customer who was standing just in front of her she had no idea what I was talking about. I assumed she told the customer that she refused to sell him any bread. I looked at her.
‘He said that life is what you make it! And for what I have seen here, you are not making very much out of it!’ I felt upset, disappointed and even shocked in a way about the way she acted and decided to walk out of the bakery store. As I already stood outside and looked over my shoulder I saw the two ladies look at me in a stunned way. None of them said anything nor moved.
‘Life is not that difficult you know!’ I repeated the black man’s words and walked off to my house again. Somehow I had the feeling I just did something good. I stood up for that black man, even though he was not there. My mother saw me come home without the bread she asked for.
‘Where is the bread?’ she asked amazed. ‘Were they closed?’ I looked at my mom and smiled.
‘To me they are from now on!’ I answered her, leaving her with a not understanding expression on her face as I walked upstairs to my room.

When we are able to see every living Soul on this planet as human beings instead of seeing and treating them as different persons, the world will be a Loving place where every single Soul can live with each other in peace and corporation, communicating in a normal way and feeling the want to share. I believe in such a world. I believe in sharing with each other. I believe in accepting my fellow humans in an open and pure way.

How about you?

Home sweet Home….but where is it?

I Always thought I felt attached to certain emotional things like a statue that once belonged to my grandmother, or the jacket of my dad who passed away. But in fact nothing can bring back the persons and looking at them I feel a certain Sadness looking at the statue and the jacket that makes me feel a kind of homesick.
The only thing is that Home is where the heart is. Artists wrote a lot of songs about it.

Home is where you are, Home is where I call your name, Home is where the heart is etc.
But what is Home….? And where is it?

 

I always believed that a Home was the place I was surrounded with my personal stuff. And indeed, that helps to create my home. I do not have my personal stuff around me here now and i have been living out of my suitcase for about three and a half year now.

And all this time I believed I could not feel happy without my own personal stuff. I NEEDED that in order to feel Happy. That is a huge Belief.

I cannot deny that it is a pleasure to have my beautiful enjoyable paintings on the wall. My own cabinets and my statues and Buddha’s.

Still this does not make a Home. When home is where the heart is, my heart is not here. So where is it?

How many of you are surrounded by their own personal stuff and do not feel Home?

What IS Home?

I looked for a Home outside of me. In my house, in the persons who lived with me there. But I forgot to look inside Me…To me Home is IN me. When I do not feel Home In me I will never find it anywhere. No partner can provide me with a Home. Only I can do that myself.

The question how do I create my own Home In me?

First of all I felt like I did not take time for me…I rushed from here to there. I always worked and was busy for The others mostly. I told myself I HAD to do things otherwise it was not good enough. I let go of that Belief. When I choose to do something now, it is because I really WANT to do it. Not because I believe I HAVE to do it. The HAVE TO do it has to do with the opinion from The Others and what seems to be all around accepted. No more.

Secondly I understood that The Others influenced me with their Beliefs. I do not choose to live by the well meant advices of the Others anymore.

Third reason is that I want to be the Center of Me. My choices. My understandings. My Insights. I can only feel and receive that when I am Listening to what I am Given to hear and understand.

Fourth reason is the Love I deeply feel for Myself now. I always gave my Love to The Others first and I stopped doing that.

And O gosh I Love being Me. I believe it is important to do that. It means that I am the real Center of My Self. Not in a selfish way, not at all.

Loving Me means I am independent and do not NEED the Love nor be Confirmed anymore by The Others.
I know I am a good person. I know I do my ultimate best to live my Life the way it is meant for me. I know only I can feel and understand what is my path of Life and that only I can walk it.

This all means that I do not need to look for my Home anymore.
My Home is where MY heart is, and my heart will travel with me where ever I go. When I can Share this with my partner, it will only increase itself.
But that is because it is a choice.

My Choice…. How about you?

 

 

An Unexpected Chat….

Mohammed is a very sweet Turkish man who works as a guide in Turkey and used to live in Rotterdam where he grew up. I met him working as a guide on a bus and we started to have a conversation. It was a small bus and all of the passengers were Dutch.

We had visited a mosque and I felt impressed. There was an open and inviting atmosphere all of the passengers felt. Mohammed told us a lot about the Islam. Things we never knew. Such as that the headscarf women wear and why they started doing that. It’s a beautiful story I want to share here with you.
Originally the women did not wear head scarfs. They had earrings and beautiful golden jewellery and in that time of war and starvation, the women were robbed and did not want other people to see their precious golden jewellery anymore. So they started to wear head scarfs, long and black. So not a single soul could see their golden beauties anymore. There are more reasons why women wear such a head scarf. When a young woman has her first period, she “needs” to wear a headscarf to protect herself from the looks of men. From that day on she is a woman.

Mohammed talked about why the women are not allowed to be at the ground floor of the mosque. Men can feel distracted by women, and they want to only concentrate on Allah. The women are behind a curtain at the balcony upstairs when there is a ceremony and not allowed to look at the men. Certain passengers started to muffle and one of them raised his hand.

“So Allah wants this?” he asked with a somewhat sarcastic smile. Mohammed smiled gently and stayed completely comfortable and relaxed.

“Allah wants what is good for us all”. A silence followed up his words. “Allah wants us to be happy. He wants us to be honest and to help people. Allah is all good and Love”.

“Then why are there so many people fighting and why is there so much war?” a passenger asked interested. Mohammed looked at her with understanding.

“People make it into their own personal Beliefs, there are good and there are bad muslims. Just like there are good and bad Catholic’s or other religious people. I don’t say they are right. I feel responsible for me and the way I think, talk and Believe.
We have other things yes, like we pray 5 times per day. Each time we concentrate on Allah. So we can live our Life in a good way. We do the dirty things with our left hand, never with the right hand for that is the hand we reach out with to people. We have different things but we all want the same thing. Peace, understanding, Love, compassion, Helping out etc.”

“How about that specific gesture I see children make when they greet their parents?” I asked. Mohammed smiled at me.

“Happy you ask that” he replied. “Parents teach their children to pay Respect towards older and wise people. It is a gesture of Respect and it is done with Respect and Love.

We talked about 40 minutes while driving and Mohammed told everything about the Islam while we all asked pretty confronting questions. We understood each other. The atmosphere was different, more Loving and more intense. It was a deep and beautiful conversation. Thanks again Mohammed , I will never forget you. You showed us another world. One we believed we knew but did not understand. Now we do way more. All of the passengers felt moved, by his openness and his respectful way of explaining everything we asked for.

I was thinking of Mohammed today and that I promised to write about this in our blog here. I just want to add something here.

Mohammed , you are a great personality and I feel you are honest and dedicated. You made the choice to be a full muslim. You chose to return to your country Turkey. For you felt your roots and wanted to be there. Even while growing up in Rotterdam, a different world and a different country. You have shown us what the Islam means to you. You took us to the mosque and answered all of our questions. Thank you for sharing your Soul Energy with us that day. I cherish that and will never forget it. Just like the other passengers. We all are One, we all want to live in a world peace. When we are open towards each other and listen and respect each other, that same World Peace is within our reach…

The Truth or the Lie?

Many people live in a pattern caused by a decision they made years and years ago. This can concern a job or life circumstances. Some are married for years and years and believe the life they live is not great but also not bad. It is what they are used to. They sometimes can feel like something is missing, some of them even know what that missing is about. Still they continue. They even seem to be hibernating. Once they wake up, because of a conversation with a good friend or after watching a television show or a documentary or something different that awakes them, they suddenly start to look at their life  and feel completely amazed.  It’s like they never looked at their life in this way before. They start to awake. Some of them will continue looking at their life in this way and some will go into hibernation again.

I have seen many people in my office who felt depressed. They lived the life they once chose and didn’t understand why they felt something was missing. When I asked them why they believed something WAS missing, they look surprised. The first thing they say is universal: “I don’t know”… When I ask more they start to open up and are totally shocked as they dis-cover their truth.

How is this possible? The answer is quite simple. Actually it is so simple most people don’t notice it:
They have  fallen asleep. Bit by bit, like someone sung a lullaby and rocked them into the apathetic accepted state of living they are in now. And sometimes, in an unexpected sudden way, they can wake up in shock, as if they see their life passing by without ever really noticing it. It’s like  they suddenly see they were not very much alive at all, they were just existing. How many couples do you know in your environment who are happy with each other, real happy? How many couples do you know who are just together but are not really Together like in sharing true Togetherness?

Togetherness is a state of mind which is Connected by Soul Energy. Soul Energy is the highest level of interacting Love. Soul mates are people who are Together in a Soul Connected way. They look at each other and understand without a spoken word. They feel each other when they are not physically together. They start to feel restless when the partner they feel Connected with is not in a good state of mind.

This is what I call Love with a capital L. Caring, selflessly, spiritual consciousness, feeling the want to share, to level, to understand what the partner is thinking or feeling. Feeling the want to be the Giver as well as the Receiver. Loving with a capital L. is forgiving but also knows it’s borders.

This kind of Love is Self Respecting, Accepting, Non Judgmental, filled with empathy without losing one another in the process of sharing.

Most people believe this kind of Love is not very down to Earth. I disagree. I believe this kind of Love is very much in the here and Now, very practical and very into the process of every day. The other difference is that a Love like this will and can never be boring or predictable. It has an element of surprising effects in it. Like an unexpected note on the pillow of the Loved one. Or a poem you send. A little handwritten card, or an unexpected telephone call or a  sweet text message. One rose, a ticket for the theater or an organized evening with friends, an unexpected dinner. Or unexpected intimacy. Everything is possible and you never know when this will be given or in what form that will be. This is Loving attention.

Another important thing in a (Love) relationship is telling the truth at all times. Every lie that occurs and is noticed will be like a leaf that falls down from the tree of Love. The more lies the more leafs will fall down. Until there is only the stem of the tree left. .. And even the three can shake and fall down. When the foundation is not there anymore, there will be only a small storm necessary or even a firm breeze and the tree will tumble and fall.

So:

Staying True to oneself is incredibly important. Like a good friend told me today, staying true is what you need to be the real You. Firm and strong willing. Loving in a balance in the way of Giving and Receiving. Being honest. Being Respectful.

How about you?