Shadows from the past….chasing the pavement of Life….

When I was walking to the store, a couple of weeks ago, I had a very impressive experience. Not every person will think the same about this, but I did at that particular moment.

I walked the same pedestrian lane I always walk when I go to the center of town there. But this time I acknowledged my shadow. Was it there before? I believe I would have noticed it when it would have been there. Nothing special you will say, right! But next to the first shadow, a second shadow appeared. Okay, that’s still possible I can hear our readers think. But then the THIRD shadow appeared…
These three shadows stayed with me the entire lane. One ahead of me, one directly beside me and one behind me. I felt connected to my future, my present and my past at the same time. But there was something else to go with that. Something extraordinary…
I felt confronted with what I expected what my life would be, what my life was at that moment and what was in my past. And though I really thought I laid off all the shadows of my past, I could clearly see certain shadows were still there. Three shadows accompanied me during my walk, no matter what light was there or how I turned. It made me think.

I thought about my father, my wonderful Loving father who died 6 years ago April 28^th this year. Today as I am writing this blog it would have been his 87^th birthday. He lives in my past, present and will be in my future.
My father taught me I could tell anything, no matter what, as long as I would tell it in a Loving and Respectful way. I started talking about what I saw and who I was after I became an adult. First with caution, still feeding Fear instead of Trust.

Nowadays I feel Trust and no Fear while talking or writing about these things. I am one of many high sensitive persons who have access to a source that is the most safe you can imagine. I get my Insights from a place where is no Fear, War, Greed, Dishonesty or any other negative influence. Because I feel Connected to the Light, the source of all.

A song comes up from the band “Muse” while thinking this over. About the influence of The Others on us. About Resistance…the song is called: “Uprising”…

How many times do we keep our silence, in fear what The Others might think of us? How much do we still hide inside ourselves, afraid no one will really understand our deepest thoughts?

As I was young I understood I was different. I was not one of The Others….I was my own owned self, wondering why my parents did not see what I saw; “things” or even “persons” The Others did not seem to see. My parents tried to tell me it was all fantasy or I was having a bad dream, they left the light on and believed it would all pass. But it didn’t.
I talked about it with other kids and got laughed at, so I started to hide it from them. Kept it for myself. Isolated myself and felt a stranger around The Others. They were the ones who were strange to me.
Knowing why I had come here, not understanding yet why I knew this so young. And totally stunned that the so called Others did not have a clue what I was talking about….

As a child I have thought many times: OMG DO I REALLY have to go to school end learn all kind of things I do not need to “prove” I can remember things? Things I even don’t need? Is it necessary? Why can’t I just do why I am here for? But I got caught up in the stream of life just like The Others. Had to go to school, got my diploma and then studied more, ot stu-died more….I did not like my study at all and quitted. I decided I had been walking the path my parents thought would be good for me too long. It was time to walk my own path. At that time I was 17.

I chose to do it my way. My Inner Voice was with me all the time.

Chosen my parents for the right reasons, though there have been times I doubted this too. Later in life I understood why exactly this family was chosen by me. We could learn from each other.

Because of my childhood I was able to reach several of my goals in this Life, goals of my self chosen destination. A choice I made when I was still in the Light…

I thought of the music of Muse:

It touches me, I recognize so much in this music. High sensitive persons who know it the moment they meet each other. Parents who raise high sensitive children seek help for they do not always understand their own child. I helped lots of parents and children in my office. As well as teachers. Are we really different? Do we want to be treated differently? Of course not and at the same time we want to be be respected for the way we are. We are not the persons who will follow the leader, whoever he or she might be. We start walking when we believe it’s time to start walking. Are we arrogant for that? No, not in my opinion, we are not. We do feel connected to something else than the “ normal” way The Others want us to believe is best for us. We “see” with our Inner eye. We look through people, when we shake hands, we feel their energy and look through their eyes right into their soul. People notice this and make their choice. They do not want to shake hands again and refuse to be around us.

The Hiders among us are afraid of that. They want to keep their inner self to only themselves. The Curious among us eager to learn more about it, feel very interested in” it”. And then last but not least there are the Deniers…people who do not want to believe there is more between Heaven and Earth. Who deteste us and want to warn The Others for us dangerous species; people who tell them you can develop the ability to listen to your Inner Voice. Who tell them about the Light. About the path our souls take after our death. People who tell them death is not the end of this all. The Deniers organize meetings in which they warn The Others for fairy- tale believers. They think we are the dangerous Ones and they believe they can destroy us by making us look ridiculous in public, television shows, on radio or at a congres somewhere. Why? Is it Fear  for the Unknown they suspect? The only thing is that even in an audience they expect to be on their side, there will always be high sensitive people amidst them too. High sensitivity can’t be exterminated. Simply because it is the Connection with the Light; the Universe; with God. The Connection we all carry within our soul. Hidden or revealed or recognized. The Light is called differently and all is good. You may call it God, the Universe, or differently. My believe is we all feel the same in the base of it. We feel Connected.

We are born from that source which is pure Love, Acceptance, Peace, Forgiveness, Power and pure Energy…..We are all from the same source, which is the Nirvana, the Holy All of All. We only don’t remember… We are given the ability of Choice, which is the Gift as well as the Curse for many of us. We are all given an Inner Voice, but we can also choose to deny that. The Deniers however can become Believers, it is just what they present themselves to be an opportunity in their lives. Like my father who has been a Disbeliever all of his life. In the end he told me about the Light and that he felt ready to go and stay in the Light. I have been writing about this before. So never say never, Life can give you chances that become changes…
I choose not to judge people. I do have my own opinion in this.

I do not feel Fear but Trust. Something I truly wish all of The Others could experience. Life is so much better with Trust instead of Fear.

Back to track here! Still walking towards the center of town, three shadows on the left,( the Emotional side of the human body). And I understood one thing very clear; I was the one, the only one to say goodbye to the shadows of my past. Shadows that felt as empowered ones, shadows that had captured me, shadows that blocked my path of Life the way I really saw it and wanted to live.
So by the time I arrived at the traffic crossing I connected myself to the Light and prayed while still walking. I asked for Guidance and was given Trust, I asked for an Insight and I received it. I was ready to let go, finally let go of that burden. In just a couple of minutes… I walked towards the crossing and looked at the left. The third shadow left me, I felt liberated. I looked at the left and saw the first shadow disappear as well. Then I crossed the street. Next to me my shadow, the shadow of the present, the shadow to travell with me as my loyal companion. It felt as a literary step forwards on my self chosen path of life, My Life…
Coincidence? That’s up for you to decide.
I believe in Guidance, in signs when you decide you want to receive signs. But most of all I believe I am blessed. Being me, listening to what I feel. Connected to the Light. Living the Life I want to live. A life in which I want to help The Others, without stigmatizing them. (For those people who read this blog for the first time, the term “The Others” comes from the movie with the same title.)

It’s the 13th as I am writing this blog. My father’s birthday, I dreamed about him four times this week. Coincidence? No, not to me. I believe my father connected to me from the Light and showed me things, I remember them. Personal things, I felt very happy with them.

I can imagine you ask yourself: “Is it possible to receive messages in dreams? Messages from departed ones?”  I personally totally believe so, yes. Even messages from people we do not personally know. Sometimes I dream about people I do not know at all, or I can dream about other people who are known by many people.

Like Whitney Houston. I believe dreams are the channels which are used by Loved Ones to tell us they are alright. Even people we do not really know. I didn’t know Whitney. Still I dreamed about her last night. I saw her, she wanted to relax before going to this famous party. She took some pills and wanted to take a bath. Then she fell asleep, too deeply…She did not intend to kill herself. She just wanted to relax before the evening began. Then I dreamed about her more. She felt freed, happy in a totally peaceful way. She did not understand why people felt sad while she at the same time felt so wonderfully happy. Why don’t they see me? Why are they sad?
Then I woke up.

Just a dream? Maybe, maybe not. Though we all grief for her not being here anymore, she wants to tell us she is alright, she feels liberated and happy in a way she never experienced on earth ever in her life. But of course that is just my interpretation of a dream that does not really feel like just a dream. Does this mean I am crazy, a lunatic? Don’t think so. I just feel and see things The others do not always see.

Even when the Deniers will laugh about this or even might get angry for writing this down, it’s just a dream..Isn’t it?

Parallel Universes…..the Life of the Other Me’s….

‘A parallel universe or alternative reality is a hypothetical self-contained separate reality coexisting with one’s own.’

As a child I always had the somewhat strange feeling there was another Me somewhere, I could sense it but did not understand what it meant. When I talked about it with friends they thought I had simply lost my mind. So I stopped talking about it…
Still, for example when I was riding my bike on my way to school, I could not help thinking about The Other Me whom I felt Connected to. But because I wanted to be part of the normal people (hahahahahaha) I decided not to mention it anymore. In that time people really thought you were totally abnormal when you had crazy ideas like that and considered you to be a psychiatric patient when you believed this was possible. One thing is sure,I am not a patient. I am a High Sensitive Person like many Others.

Much has changed since then. Science developed a huge interest in finding explanations for The Other Me’s, ‘Quantum Leaps’, ‘The Field’ and examines the immense possibilities of thinking out of the box called Earth…In fact this was a reversed shock to me…I got kind of used to the non- existence of what I sensed as a child and then I suddenly saw a show on TV where scientists explained this all as being true! Scientists!! WOW! They seemed to be totally convinced there was a parallel Universe with another Me, or several Universes called Multiverse with people exactly like me and you in a different dimension. Still with me?

This would explain dreams as well. There are dreams we consider to be so intensely realistic that we wake up and remember every detail. We can have dreams which are telling us what to do. We can dream about our beloved Ones. But we can also experience dreams in which we watch the Other Me…I remember dreams in which I literally SAW another Me. Making different choices and working out lines of my Destiny. I will go even further with this. I believe it is possible that ‘We’ (the Me’s and You’s in parallel Universes) even share a Collective Soul archive. Isn’t this fascinating? When you believe it would be possible to have multiple Me’s, it would also be possible to believe we get information through this Connection. Suddenly we hear ourselves say things we did not hear or see before, did not learn and were not taught. Wise things, things we did not know we knew. The Soul Archive is a huge storage of Everything we have ever collected in ‘past lives’ (or lives in Parallel Universes?) and from the time we were in the Light/ the Universe, just being Soul Energy. We can have free access to this Soul Archive through our dreams which in fact are channels through which information is delivered with projections. We are acting in our own film about our own Life…on different levels, in different Universes.

And there is More….

Our Magnetic Field/ Aura is vibrating and expanding or minimizing all the time. We can sense how people feel with our Soul Radar; our Intuition. This Magnetic Field can even influence the enormous Magnetic field around our planet Earth….

Can you imagine what this means? The more Positive we Think, Believe and Expect, the More we can give an Energy Boost to the Magnetic Field around our Earth!

Nowadays with the internet we can choose to have access to all kind of knowledge for Quantum theories and parallel Universes, parallel Multiverses. I want to share this link with you:

Mainstream science is now recognizing the existence of parallel realities. Can we change realities by shifting our intention?
This video suggests a model of six dimensions of reality that explain the power of focus to heal illness and extends to a shift in planetary consciousness to heal the world.
Video creator, Bryan Walton:: http://www.Oxygen for the Mind.com

Even a Dejavu could be explained; there is no Time… we are Connected with and have access to our parallel worlds in which we have already lived that moment. Then we ‘remember’ things we did not experience yet. That is, not as we are in the Here and Now…

There could be a lot that can be explained according to the Quantum Theory, such as when we suddenly feel depressed and we do not understand why at all. Thinking in this way it can be we sense the mood of The Other Me who feels terribly sad or hurt without even knowing it.

And how about the Feeling we already ‘Know’ people we just met or are going to meet? Does Time exist at all? And what IS Time? Speaking about Time…I am sitting in bed at almost 2 AM, thinking this over and wanting to write this all down before I go to sleep. Somehow I can’t stop writing. And while my fingers type in the words here, I experience Guidance…It Feels like I am Given the words to write down here. Everything is Connected, even more than we can possibly imagine. Did you know of or have you ever heard about Parallel Universes and even Multiverses before reading this blog? Have you ever heard about Other You’s?
Can you imagine there is another person just like you, who might be still together with the person you left? Because when you are you in another Parallel Universe, you can make different decisions. Sometimes we dream about it and wake up with a special feeling….

We always believed that our dreams are there to digest our emotions and our fantasy is working and projecting things we heard or have seen during our daily being awake. But I believe it can be way More….

I remember dreams in which I saw myself, exactly the way I am now, but living in a different house and living a different Life. I remember dreams in which I saved lives of the Others and came back to the person I am here in this Life as if I was drawn to the Me here. I believe I can ‘see’  this because I feel Connected to The Other Me. Maybe this is because I have always known this. From the day I was born till now and I also know I am not the only one.

The New Year 2012 has began. It will be a Year with a lot of Changes, forces of Nature, Floods and Earthquakes. It will be a Year of Incredible Insights and Connection of Soul Energies.
I challenge our readers to Think, Feel and Act Positively all the time. So we can influence our environment and the people we meet in order to expand the Magnetic Field that protects us and this Earth we Live on.

By passing this Positive Thinking, Feeling and Acting forward, we will Create more Happiness and more Happiness will create even More Positive Energy! More Positive Energy will Create a Connected Feeling around the World, this can Create a World Peace….

Do you decide to be such a Positive Creator? Longing for World Peace? Feeling Connected?

A New Begin starts with what YOU want……

Lots of people have celebrated the end of 2011 and the start of a brand New Year….173 million euro was spent in this small country for fireworks! The incredible noise made the earth shake here, grownup men went totally banana’s with ‘their’ stuff, children are told it’s too dangerous and only dad can light the 1000- clapper like they call it here; a sort of explosion you would expect at war not in a civilized street somewhere in Sassenheim (Holland). With the understanding that his son was 26….hahahahahahahaha! Dad wanted to light HIS firework by himself. Proudly watching because HIS firework was the biggest and the loudest of the entire street. 173 million into the air….can you imagine? Specially because you and I know people do not fire fireworks to scare off ghosts anymore…
All that money…wow… the economy is bad (they say) and the euro is unstable. When I look at the overloaded carts in the supermarket I don’t see that. The News brings us only worrying subjects instead of Good News. Bad News travels fast, even more than Good News….Why? Are they used to Live based on Fear? What is it that makes people seem to Want to hear the Bad News more than the Good News. Why not make a News channel where the focus is way more on the Good things that happen instead of the other way around? No wonder people get depressed by looking at all the misery that is pored out on us each day! What is it that makes people look at the Dark side of things when there are ALWAYS two sides to look at! Why not focus on the Light side instead?

Many people I know always tell me they believe I am such a Positive woman, very strong, creative and persistent in what I want to achieve. And I always wonder why they say it, not that it isn’t true, I know who I am. No, I mean I don’t understand why they say it with an undertone of: Wow! She can do that, why can’t I?

I wonder if that is true, don’t think so.  Do I have extra genes that make it possible to think and live positively? No. I do have a Choice. And I feel the Want to Choose each day, each moment for what feels good for Me to do. Connected to The Light. Walking my own path. Overcoming the hard things, transforming them into positive empowered structures. Yes, I can do that, but so can you!

Still remains the question: what is it that makes such a difference? Why can I stay Positive and why do you have the feeling that you can’t? Thinking this over I concluded that it all has to do with a lack of Trust and the choice to walk with Fear. But Fear is fried air, it is not real, it is not there, it is just an assumed projection of something that has not happened. So why would you feed Fear by thinking about the projection and let it terrify you?
Let me put down some phrases here I heard:

‘You never know what this year will bring us, we do hope it will be good, but looking at the economy things can only become harder’….

‘We Hope this year will be better than last year, but it IS 2012 you know….what if the Maya’s were right?’

‘Nostradamus already said it; 2012 will be disastrous, we can only hope he is wrong, but he was right about a lot of things. OMG, I even don’t wanna go there…’ etc. etc. etc.

What I sense here is that people will rather decide to walk with Fear than with Trust. It seems to be a sort of self protective mechanism. Really??? Better prepare yourself for the worst, so things don’t come unexpected. True? This would mean people THINK and EXPECT things to be bad….And what you Expect is what you Create…

So why not create Opportunities?

Every single person wants to have a Fantastic 2012, so why not start with Trust instead of Fear? So we can feel and Stay Positive? Choosing for Trust means we will be creative in finding solutions. That we don’t give up. That we will feel prepared of no matter what will happen because we know we are guided and taken care for.
Sure, there will be people who think and do not choose to Sense. They will be rational only and only Believe what they See, not what they don’t see. Even more, they conclude that anyone who believes there is a Universe that will take care of them is totally insane. They are the Only Ones to take care of themselves, there is no Universe in a Spiritual way. Okay, they are totally entitled to walk their own path and have their own way of thinking. So be it. Still, I have seen many rational people start believing all that ‘shit’ they first detested. Moments like the passing away of a Loved One for instance can change their view on life. My own father who always said ‘ dead is dead and that’s it!’ changed his mind because he Experienced something he could not explain but Felt this was True. He experienced the Field of Love and Togetherness in it’s purest form. So never say never.

Control belongs to rational people, they feel the strong desire to oversee everything in life. When they can’t oversee things ahead and be in control of their life, they feel amputated and can even feel disorientated or lost. Pointing to The Others who caused it or helped it to be that way. People who did not act like they expected. But the scenario of Life is guided by the Universe, creating many opportunities to grow. Growth on personal behavior, reaching out for your destination, chosen before you entered this world again. For people who believe this is BullShit, keep on reading. It’s getting more and more interesting from here on!

We can divide people in two groups: Believers and Disbelievers. No judgment involved here by the way!

Believers are those people who believe there is More between earth and Heaven…People who call themselves Spiritual. Who want to walk the path which gives then ultimate Happiness, the path of their self chosen destination. Connected to the Universe/ the Light.

Disbelievers are the people who laugh about that and tell the Believers they are insane. (Just an opinion or a Judgment?) They often go for things that give them satisfaction in a material way. Ego is important, confirmation of who they are too. A director wants to get all of the credits and has the want to be complimented for that as well. Even though many employees did the work. I do realize I put down two groups here in a black and white way. There are people who Believe a little bit but Trust more on the material, realistic and rational or even material things in their Life. Because that is Real….and Belief is not.

I Believe in the endless Force and Empowerment of the Universe/ the Light. What does this mean? Do I bow my head to feel the ‘hand of the Universe’ that beats me down when things don’t go the way I wanted? Do I swallow everything without any objection because I am Spiritual and believe there is a reason for why this all happens? No. I can feel hurt or struck down by things that I do not control, like hearing the entire green card procedure had to be done all over again and I was not able to fly back to my man Brian. I felt beaten for three days. Believers DO have Emotions you know…After these three days I started to Connect myself to the Universe again. More strongly. And I asked for Insights why this all happened. I did not know I was not allowed to travel out of the USA after Brian and I got married. I did know I was not supposed to travel out without permission before our marriage. Anyway, the fact remained the same, the procedure had to be done all over again. After the fiancee visa, now we go for the immigrant visa. The time Brian and I are not Together is very hard but it does not only Take Away, it also Brings us something. And here the Insight kicks in…I was not in the working mode and started to Feel Myself….how incredibly Tired I was. I started to think about my Life till now and finally started to feel the pain I carried with me for years and years. Pain from the Past, sadness I never coped with and though I do not Like to feel all of these things, I was Given the Opportunity to deal with them. Back pain, a pinched nerve, a fall, my body started to protest and asked for attention. I realized I had been working my ass off the last ten years and never took the time to relax and sit down.
The only person who taught me to take good care of Me was Brian by taking me by the hand, sit down, lay down on the couch and snuggle while watching a movie. Isn’t it amazing that I forgot how much fun it is to have Brian reading next to me, while I was reading too? Or walk together hand in hand? Simple things like driving in the car while watching the most beautiful skies ever in Kalispell? Brian standing in the Rain in Holland, arms opened wide, his face headed up towards the gray clouded sky in supreme delight? (In San Diego it hardly ever rains)
There is so much more to Enjoy when we start to allow ourselves to See…

Insight comes to us when we Open ourselves up to that. When we Connect to the Universe and simply ASK for the answers instead of trying all kind of solutions that only bring us further down from our path in Life. Disbelievers who ‘try’ this will get Insights they never dreamed of. You can get any Insight, including the ones you were NOT looking for. You can get Insights you never expected. Waking up at night or in the early morning, the state between being totally awake and still ‘sleeping’ can be such a moment. All of a sudden you ‘know’ the Answer. Or you will be able to suddenly ‘See’ what the solution is. Get the Insight that can change your world. Everything is possible once you start Asking and Connect yourself to the Universe/ the Light.

So, in this Light, I even do not want to speak of Believers and Disbelievers. I am not the person to divide groups in two opposite parties. Why would I? What right do I have to judge a person and to believe I know I can ‘place’ him/her in a certain group?
People do that themselves.
Proud to be a Disbeliever, Happy to be a Believer, it’s all good to me. One of the Insights I received is that I am able to accept people the way they choose to be. Do not Judge persons when they think differently but accept and respect them just the way they are. Give them space, the space they need in order to ‘grow’. Do not give your opinion unless people Ask for it. Only when they open themselves up and want to know more, there will be a opportunity to have a conversation. To reach out for each other and to establish Inner growth.

This is what I will choose and decide to do this year:

I will walk my path of Life with Trust, not Fear.

I will not judge The Others.

I will be positive.

I will Accept, Respect and Love myself and The Others.

I will be open and willing to Help, unless it will cost me too much Energy. .

I will stand up for myself.

I will be totally Me.

I will work for where I Believe in.

I will feel Trust and Faith.

Even when The Others tell me I will never achieve what I want, I will listen to My Inner Voice and follow my path with Trust instead of  Fear. By Listening to what I Feel is good to do, I Will achieve Everything I Choose.

Looking back, Trust and Faith have given both Brian and I many things. Our bond is stronger than ever, Brian is working hard to accomplish what he wants for himself and for us, I have been able to rest and to recover, I was Given Time to leave my Past behind me. To heal myself. Not what I expected as I left San Diego and ‘knew’ I would fly back on the 19^th of November….Life took me up and put me down where I was supposed to be, the Right spot at the Right Time, just go with the Flow the Universe presents us. Life takes me with her, will show me paths and hidden roads I never knew of they even existed. But as long as I Believe and Trust it will Give me way more than I could ever imagine or Long for…like the Perfect scenario I could not have been able to think about, the Universe does that for me…In the End Everything is Profit….

Looking at pictures for this blog I felt a very strong urge to look up Will Smith and Spirituality. No idea Why…Only as I looked at what it was I understood.This is how it works, I sense it, I listen to it and I find something, there to share with you. Another Light worker, Will Smith….

Watched it? And?

There is Life after Divorce….

I was thinking about a friend of ours who got divorced last year. Three children and their lives upside down.

Every Love relationship starts with good intentions. The couple that went through divorce never expected this to happen on the day they married. Life takes you on a challenging adventure with unpredicted paths to walk. Partners can’t say for sure i Love you and I will Always Stay with you…not because they do not mean it, I am sure they do mean what they say. But Life can give you Insights after events. You can get another view on your man or wife. People change all the time…

When I look back on my life I am a totally different person now than I was when I was 18. All the events, how tough or sad they were, have lead me to who I am today. In the end everything is a benefit for me. Because of all the difficult situations, decisions, sadness, despair and lots of emotions I was able to survive. Not as a victim but as a person who wants to know the WHY of things. Why did this happen to me? This was the question I asked myself over and over again. Not like OMG…. Why does this happen to me, am I such a bad person that I need to be punished? NO! The reason for asking this was that I wanted to get the deeper reason; the Insight why this happened to me and what I could learn from it.

I started to see problems as opportunities. To grow…to be another person who could be in the process we call Life with an open heart, soul and mind. To be able to say I’m sorry when I had done something which was not that great. To talk with my partner for instance. To stop Judging myself for what went wrong. To stop judging my partner for being who he was. To develop myself into a balanced person, more balanced each time during Life. To put Energy and Faith into the relationship. Always with the good intention to get the Love relationship going ‘again’….

When Brian and I first met, he told me that there is not such a thing like working hard to get a Love relationship to work. I agree. A good Love relationship does not take hours of talking, struggling, demanding and giving in, manipulating, battling, ignoring, being ironic, humiliating or Living Apart Together in one house….But of course this is our belief.

Both Brian and I believe the Love relationship we have with each other is the best ever! Why?

Because I am me and Brian is himself too. We TALK about EVERYTHING without holding back. We don’t wear masks, we do not pretend to be better than we are, we respect and accept each other because we truly Love one another. Love has many faces, we all know that.

Back to the divorce. I never understood how people can promise to forever stay with the person they marry. Are they fortune tellers? You never know if this will be true or not. You Hope so and you most likely will do Everything to make your marriage a successful one. But it is a fact that a lot of marriages end up in divorce.

Brian is my Lover and my best friend, I know (he told me this over and over again) he will always feel the want to be here for me as I want to be here for him. But I can NEVER be SURE for 100% that we will live happily ever after. And I believe that is a good thing too. It keeps us sharp, it ‘feeds’ the want to Love each other unconditionally. To work, Live and Laugh Together and to enjoy the Sharing….Brian is to me what I always wanted and knew was possible. O yes, I could have given up Hope that something like our Love would be possible and settle for Less…but I chose not to do that. Man! Am I Happy I followed that tiny little voice inside of me instead of letting go of it or Think it away! Be realistic! That was the advice I got. Well I believe I am a very Intuitive AND Realistic person.

To all of the readers of our blog I would like to say this:

Never give up Hope to Find the Love of your Life……

Not even when your parents, friends or so called ‘specialists’ tell you this is not a very realistic want. It only tells something about them; they gave up Hope to find the Love of their Life…

They believe it is Impossible to find that one person who truly fits you on all levels. They all settled for Less…

On days you feel sad and think back of the good things in your lost Love relationship, we all tend to Only look at these moments and start to long for that again. Great! Keep on doing that! Cherish All of the Good Moments….and take them with you in your soul to confirm you want to be with a person who has all of these beautiful qualities and more. Do not return to an ex partner because of the so called good old days…within a month (or less….)you will know exactly why you divorced him/ her.

Stay friends with your ex partner when both people feel the want to do so. It makes things so much easier than fighting each other. Children Love both parents in general. They can do it, so why would we not be able to do so too? The Love relationship is only changed into a friend state.

Many problems can be solves when we allow ourselves NOT to Listen to what The Others think about it, say about it or advise us. Stick to what YOU Feel is right. Listen to YOUR Inner Voice and Feel this is what is Right for YOU…
When Emotions are too strong to handle, whenever you feel the need to throw out the burden of that negative negative energy, throw it all out in the gym by working up that body! Or start walking, laugh more. Be with Friends, Talk! Decide to be the nicest person and the most Loving person to yourself. Make friends with yourself in the first place. Stop judging yourself for things that happened. You got the Insights which will Help you now….Feel Grateful and blessed by what Life presents you, no matter what it is. Feel your emotions, then decide what you want with them.

And understand that some people walk beside you and then walk their own path again. Some will accompany you for a while and then disappear. And some will walk with you for Life. It’s all Good. Life is an adventure, it can be a challenge even at certain times. But Everything that happens is there for a reason…Nothing weird about that at all. With two feet in the Here and Now, you can Decide to Listen more and more to your Inner Voice. The Voice that will tell you what is Right for you, what can bring you the Balance you are looking for and what can lead to more Inner Happiness…..

Are you willing to look for your Insights?

The Art of Letting Go………

The more you want the less you get. This was my thought yesterday as I saw the greed of people who want the best of the best and can’t be satisfied with less.

Still I believe less can be more…

Material stuff like cars, houses, clothes, shoes etc. which are special designs will have a certain value for certain people. Unfortunately even children are raised with the fast moving throw- away society where you HAVE to have the newest cellphone, and the best I-pod. Even kids look what kind of cellphone the other kid has and NEEDS the same or even a newer model. Why?

A few years ago I started to get rid of stuff. I don’t care about the newest black berry or the best design shoes or clothes. I wear what I like, trendy or not. I set my own trend and i feel great by doing that. But what is it in people that makes them WANT SO MUCH?

Is it because we want to Belong to the Group?

Is it because we feel more Safe when we are having the same stuff as the rest? And is this based on FEAR? Do we Believe we can only be a part of the group when we act like we are all the same, collecting the same stuff? Or can we be ourselves and like what we Really Like instead of buying things because of the opinion of The Others?

As I was going through my stuff I realized much of it could be done with. Things I kept for years like shoes that never fit me well, toys and clothes of the children which I saved for when they would have kids of their own, books I never read and got from people who never read them too, clothes which were too small and I kept just in case I would loose some weight. Covers for my bed which were kept because we could get people who would stay over for a night. Etc. etc. etc…..

I started to get rid of the doubt in myself first. Maybe I could use that in the future I transformed in: ‘I never used this for the past 6 years so what makes me believe that I will use it this year?’ Looking at it I decided to get a good destination for it. I got enthusiastic since I saw the attic became more and more empty. The clothes I gave away to my neighbor who will give them to poor people in her home country. The same for the shoes, hats, scarfs and coats nobody would ever wear again.

The throwing away hype did do something with myself too. I started to feel more organized in my head, like it literally cleaned up inside of me. It gave me lots of energy, even though I was tired at the end of the night, I felt very happy.

Now I looked at it in a different way, I started to see more and more I don’t need or want anymore. Oh yes, certainly, I could have sold things too, but I like to give things away! How does this all relate to (Love) relationships?
It’s about the same. I mostly was the one who kept the contacts going with certain people. Once I started to end that, I only kept the contact with people who really Love me and whom I really Love too. People who I accept and respect the way they are and they do the same to me. So I refused to keep the contact going, what happened? It cleared up many so called ‘polite friendships” with people who only informed how I was doing because they were raised to inform this in a polite way, not that they really felt something with that. I got a card with: ‘Still alive?’ Yes, I was. I got telephone calls of the Polite People who said they felt very disappointed in me I did not take any effort to contact them. I answered that this was right and that I felt the contact was built on trying to be polite and not on real interest in each other. They felt offended. So be it. I surround me with different people now. And I do not Need to see my friends each week. I do not blame them or tell them they do not call enough. Why? Because I know and Feel they Love me unconditionally and I Love them back that way. Because when you really Love another person it’s always a happy event when you see or talk with them. I conquered my Fear to confront them with my remarks. No longer afraid of what they MIGHT think or say, what a relief! Why would I feel fear when there was nothing to fear? I freed myself of contacts that were not sincere. No more of their rebukes and reprimands, but total openness and Freedom. Being myself, acting like myself. Isn’t this one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself and them?

I nowadays can manage my Life way better and do not feel any ‘guilt’ when I do not contact persons within a certain time. Selfish? No, don’t think so. Honest? Oh Yes! How do people respond to that? Offended sometimes, yep! Or they do not respond at all which is fine with me. I’d rather stay close with real friends than spend my time with lots of people who are dishonest and feel contacting me is an obligation instead of a pleasure. I have had friends who did not seem to be real friends after all. Did I feel disappointed? At first yes, a little. But then I also realized I already expected this to happen sooner or later because the contact was not open and everything was calculated. Their interest was always number one. When I called them they only talked about them.  Or they started to ask why I did not respond their missed calls. I Should have called them and they asked in a very irritated way what possibly could have been my excuse to not appear on their birthday? Yes, I ‘lost’  so called friends who were no friends at all. And I gained other friends unexpectedly. A door will never be closed without opening up another one…that’s for sure!

So here we are, i’ ts the end of 2011 and I want to clean up more, get rid of things that bother me, arrange things I wanted to months ago. And I will feel very Happy and cherish everything in my Life I feel grateful for. There is so much to enjoy when you focus on the positive things in Life instead of focusing on the things you do not have. Each day I experience the gift of feeling blessed, even on my so called ‘off’ days….I feel the Universe is teaching me each day. I want open myself up to the Insights I am given each day. I feel very grateful and happy with that!

Even though Brian and I are 9000 miles away from each other, I decide to feel Trust we will be Together Soon. Trust is the most important Power, next to Faith and Believe but the  first of all is Love….Love for the Ones you Love as well as Love for the many people who want to be Loved but get ignored. Love has many faces, Love is reaching out for a person who needs a helping hand. Love is helping each other, supporting or standing up for a person.
I will send out my most Loving Thoughts to embrace them all the people who need to feel Loved all over the world. Even when I do not see hear or know them, it’s all about Loving Energy and that energy travels by itself and reaches people all over the world.
I want to feel Love for myself, where I judged myself this last year. Unconditional Love, can you imagine a greater or more Empowered Force within you? The base of a good Life holds the ability to Love.

What do you decide to do with your ability to Love?

How back pain can lead to Inner Freedom…….

‘It’s a hernia, your basin has moved and a nerve is pinched in your back’  the doctor told me in simple words.

Well, that explained a lot was my first thought.
Immediately I started to think in a deeper way, strongly desiring to dis-cover the why this happened to me. I did know the psychological explanation of back pain the way Louise Hay explains this, I will quote her here:

The back represents support. When we feel overwhelmed by life, we often have back problems. The upper back usually represents a lack of emotional support; the middle back is guilt—carrying all that stuff from the past. The lower back is usually fear of money—that is, feeling a lack of financial support. A beginning point for you could be to use affirmations like these daily: I trust life to support me. My every need is taken care of. All my bills are paid. I am safe.

This was very much true. I did feel overwhelmed and I did feel like I was beaten down by my past. Though I believe because of my past experiences I was able to receive so many Insights. Which I shared with many people. I have never felt angry about things that happened or felt bitter, after receiving the Insights which were there for me to dis-cover. When I look back at my past I see a turbulence of activities, like a hurricane that raged over me. Still, I deeply believe this all happened for a reason. I have developed myself in this way thanks to all of the so called “negative” things in my life. True, I have been through a lot, but…it has Given me a lot too. 

Back to the quote of Louise Hay: I did not feel guilt, since I have done everything possible and from a place of Love. The lower back, there where I feel my back pain, is usually the fear of money….is this true I asked myself? I am raised in a way that money is not important and wanting (much) money is wrong. True values are more important than money, this is true, I feel that the same way my parents did. At the same time my parents taught me that money is necessary because when you are in a Love relationship, Love will fly out your front door when there is no income/ money…This is based on fear, not on Trust….fear that belongs to my parents beliefs, but do I believe this too?

I know I decided to not believe this a long time ago. But was it really out of my system, or was there still something left of their belief? Something that would grow without knowing it? Fear that tells me I could loose the Love of my Life when we will not have any money? My answer to this is a week Yes and a strong No. I do sense a bit of fear when I think of being without any income, and at the same time the strong No means I DECIDE to CHOOSE to feel TRUST instead of FEAR….

But what is it that causes this back pain? I started to think back of what I learned from The Option Institute ( http://www.option.org ) My Life changed after being there and feeling confirmed in what I always thought and believed in. I heard about The Option Process Dialogue, a real good tool people can use when you want to do some inner research (more on this here: http://www.option.org/the-option-institute/what-we-teach/37#process ).

I decided to do a self dialogue. What I do is answering questions that I ask myself as if there is another person who is asking these questions to me. A person who asks questions in a very Loving and none judging way. I always think of Bears (Barry Neil Kaufman, the co-founder of The Option Institute) when I do such a dialogue. And even though I only met him once as Brian introduced me to him in the kitchen of the Option institute, it is like I can hear him, asking me questions which can help me. Of course I do realize these are the questions I ask. Still it is like Bears is with me in a Loving way which helps me to do the dialogue.

For anyone who is curious about the Option Institute, please visit their website at www.option.org! It will change your life in a very positive way once you have been there. The atmosphere, the teachings, the way you can get a grip on yourself and your Life is amazing….

My self dialogue:

Me:
I feel pain in my back.

Question:
Why do you believe you feel this pain?

Me:
I don’t know.

Question:
Take a guess, what is the first thing that pops up?

Me:
I feel fear.

Question:
Fear of what Mary?

Me:
Fear of not being able to manage.

Question:
To manage what? Can you be more specific?

Me:
Not being able to take care of myself by a lack of money

Question:
Why would you not be able to take care of yourself and have a lack of money?

Me:
Because this is what my parents told me, always take care of earning money, without money you are nowhere and you will not be able to hold on to Love. Where there is a lack of money, there is a no Love possible. You will be on your own and people don’t want you any more. Everything is about money nowadays, when you do not have any money, you will not be able to survive.

Question:
Do you believe you will not survive when you have no money Mary?

Me:
I have seen the homeless people in America and in Holland, that is my deepest fear.

Question:
Why is this your deepest fear?

Me:
Because it is the most terrible thing I can imagine to have to live on the streets and have no income.

Question:
Do you believe this will happen to you?

Me:
(silence)……….No.

Question:
Why is that?

Me:
Because I know, deep inside of me that I am taken care off. The Light/ the Universe will guide and protect me. I will always have money to be able to live from.

Question:
So when you feel the inner belief you are taken care off, why would you hold on to fear?

Me:
Because I was raised with fear instead of Trust

Question:
What does this tell you Mary?

Me:
That I can Trust on my inner belief that I will always have money and can let go of the back pain. That it has taught me I can feel Trust instead of fear. That I felt Fear with a capital F and that this Fear belongs to my parents beliefs and not my beliefs.

Question:
How does it feel?

Me:
Better, much better.

Question:
Is there still something there that is connected to your back pain and you want to make clear to yourself?

Me:
That I need to take time for me instead of being there for The Others only. That I allow myself to relax, to read a book again, to let go of things that are brought on my path of life and upset me. That when I feel Trust I will feel no fear at all. That nothing can ever hurt me unless I allow it to hurt me. That I am the director of my life and no other person can “make” me feel anything. I and only I create my own feelings and emotions.

Question:
How does that feel for you, knowing you are in control of your life?

Me:
It feels like a reminder, a confirmation and a huge relief. It feels great!
(End of the self dialogue)

I chose to write this self dialogue down here and share this with you as a reader. Because by doing a self dialogue you will be able to understand more of you.
When I look at my life now, there are many uncertainties. Everything is moving and I want to do self dialogues to keep myself in the right place for me. I am a Giver and always used to give to The Others first.

My destination here has been clear to me since I was born. I want to Help people. But my destination is more than this only. The other part of my destination is that I am here to Give to Myself….to award me with a quality of Life. To Give to myself so I can have a home with Brian, a place where we can live together, work together and Give even more to The Others because we have given to ourselves. To be able to do this we are busy creating ways to earn money. There is a total lack of money right now, we are starting all over again and have zero. This connected to the old Fear that no money would mean losing Brian and our Love. Because of the dialogue I became aware of this and am able to change from Fear to Trust….My deepest Fear was to become a homeless person. But in fact I felt like a homeless person because I forgot to Give to myself….

There is a difference between only thinking of and giving to yourself and taking good care of yourself. Because I was always busy with taking care of The Others, I forgot to take good care of me….I choose to change this now.
Taking good care of me means:

Eat well, sleep well, rest, read a book, walk, write, feel space and feel at ease, the “Have to and Need to’ thoughts change into “Want to and Choose to” and feel happy even when Brian and I are apart from each other as we are now because of my visa.We are married to each other and not together with Christmas. Does this mean I cry all day and feel terrible, asking myself why this all happens to me? NO!

It means I Miss my man here, absolutely! But I can choose how I cope with that…So I decided to write a blog…and after writing this blog I feel more happy than before I started writing. I am a Giver, and I like to be Me…Now I will heat the oven and make some rolls and sit down, music on, enjoying my day. Thinking of my dude who is 9000 miles away from me, but still with me. That is Love, True Love and I don’t need any money to feel that. It is a Gift each single day and I see that Gift and I feel deeply grateful for it. Money will come our way. Why? Because we have opened ourselves up to Trust instead of Fear. Because we create opportunities to make money. And because we Trust that the Universe will take care of us and guide and protect us, while reaching out for our destination. The word Destination as I translate it is what you feel, deep inside of you, is your path of Life and will give you the answer why you have come to this earth. When you do not see your destination yet, open yourself up to that and ask for it. Or do a self dialogue. Give yourself a present and go to the Option Institute, or read books about how to dis-cover your destination. Which is the meaning of Life and why YOU are here.
The Option Institute can and will give you more tools to create an even better Life than you already have and will give you many Insights which can also lead to the meaning of Life. Decide and choose what you feel is good for you. When you walk the path of your destination you will feel deeply Happy and you will have lots of Energy. You will be creative and achieve more than you ever thought would be possible. By keeping Faith and Trust, by believing your beliefs and not the beliefs which were taught or taken over by The Others.

Taking good care of me means that I feel the want to choose to feel Happy and be Happy all the time.

How about you?

Victim or hero?

There can be many different situations in which we feel Life is treating us poorly…
You have lost your job and can’t find another one, you have lost your house by foreclosure, you fell in Love with a married man who does not choose for you and stays with his family though he promised to have a life with you, you are diagnosed with cancer, aids or another illness, you hate school and the teachers and ran off, you have lost your dog by a traffic accident, your rabbit you Loved has died without any reason, the neighbor next door has fallen out of his window by leaning out, or even wider over the world…you witness the murder of hundreds of innocent people, you see children starve to death etc. etc.

All of these can make you feel like a victim.

But what is it? The feeling of something you do not have control off has an immense influence on your life, breaks you down, destroys you, makes you incredibly sad etc. You can’t blame or you can blame some one for that, does it make a difference? When you know who was or is responsible you can project all of your frustration on them and start to hate. But does that help to feel good?

Hate is the opposite of Love. To hate someone means that you give the other person who is the cause of your trouble an incredible power over you. You permit that person to be IN your thoughts, to possess you by being with you, day and night…Is this what you want?

Hate is a boomerang, you throw it out to a person who is responsible according you for all that you have to go through. But it hits YOU unexpectedly back and can even knock you of your socks…

A victim asks questions like:

Why does this have to happen to me?

I always get the bad part of things

This is typically something for me to happen

I am not worthy of any good

This always happens to me

They always have to pick me

Why am I the one who get’s the bad things in life?

This does not surprise me, I am born for trouble

etc. etc. etc.

 

A victim has a low expectation of Life and mostly a low self esteem. He or she already EXPECTS that bad things will happen to them. But remember that what you Expect is what you Create….
Do victims actually have a choice? Think about it, what would you say?

When you feel good and life is presenting only good days to you and you expect life to continue giving you this, you will feel great! But how can you turn a victim into a hero? A person who has been in difficulties his or her entire life and who believes that’s Life?

Therefore we first want to look at what many people believe a hero is.

Most people believe a hero is a person who has given an incredible effort to save another person or has done something that is good for The Others and not every person would have done.

In my believe a hero is a person who can see through the difficulties Life has presented to him/ her and will go for a positive and empowered way of looking at life and the circumstances and therefor can be an example for The Others who still suffer believing they ARE a victim and will continue to feel and act like a victim.

Does this mean a victim will always be a victim and a hero will always be a hero? What do you believe?

My experience is that we are not always strictly victims or hero’s. The reason for this can be very personally. Not every person will always feel great, some of us who always see the good things in life even when they are presented to them as problems, can feel like a victim. But since they know how it is to feel a hero, they are able to change their way of  looking at the circumstances. They will be going to look for the insights; the lessons of Life in it. They want to know Why this happened and what they can learn from it.

The victim will see the new problem or the upcoming difficulties as a confirmation that  this is the number whatever that strikes them and will immediately feel negative, depressed and do not decide to look for the reason why it all happens. they have already indoctrinated themselves with the negative knowledge they always are the ones with difficulties and nothing seems to be good for them. Therefore they do not believe they have a choice…

 

Can a victim become his or her’s own hero in this? YES!

But how can they make the change?

By first of all looking at the circumstances, the difficulties or the events and be a spectator instead of the victim. Look at what happens, what Really happens…Do you really believe this event took place to hurt you, or to cause you troubles without any reason? How about looking at the event and make it into an incredibly intelligent way of making something clear to you?

Let me give you an example. You have difficulties with Loving and Trusting another person in relationships. Now you get to know a guy or a gal and he or she seems to be the perfect partner. You start dating and after a while he or she tells you this is not going to work because he or she still Loves his or her ex too much. You can DECIDE to feel a VICTIM again by picking up the well known patter of complaints, negative thoughts and judgments. But what if you would look at this in a different way? What if you could see it the way it really is and even more…dis-cover what’s in it for you? What insight you can gain?

Person A and Person B both experience the same thing, here is how they respond:

Person A/ hero:

“Wow, I really did not see this coming, but I do understand it must be difficult for you to tell me this. I wish you would have told me sooner, though I can imagine you first wanted to be really sure about this and felt the want to protect me. Still, I do feel disappointed because I did see a great future for us together. And yes, I do feel hurt, but I also realize at the same time I am the one and only I who can create happiness or sadness for myself. I want you to know I Love you and that Loving another person in this way means that my want is that you are completely Happy. When I cannot be the one who can create lots of Happiness together with you, I want you to create that Happiness the way you believe is right for you. I will always remember our great time together and my want and wish is that we will stay in contact as real good friends.”

Person B / victim:

“Wow, I really can’t believe my ears here. I don’t understand anything about this. Why didn’t you mention this before? Don’t you think about me and how I must feel here? You made me believe you really Loved me, but apparently this was all a lie… I really feel so disappointed in you, do you know what you are doing to me here? I feel hurt and you are responsible for that! I hope you will be dumped the way you do me now and that you will feel exactly the pain I am feeling now and even worse. You deserve to feel what you are doing to me, hear! And don’t you even consider we can be friends or that you can see me ever again, because you just ruined my entire life and I will never forgive you for doing that!”

Of course this is just an example of how person A and B could possibly respond. However, the difference in view is very clear. I have a question here: Why would you choose to think things worse when you can also take out the insight?

The insight could be that you are very happy the other person is honest enough to tell you what’s going on. To let you know he or she still Loves you. To know you are worthy to be Loved in a huge way. That the breaking up has NOTHING to do with you and your character but ONLY with the way your Lover seems to feel a connection to that other person, his or her ex partner.

Better knowing that now than getting together for years and live a lie. Or feel your Lover still Loves another person.

The insight could be that Life gives you what you want and teaches you that even when you believe this definitely was Mister or Mrs. Right, someone even way better will be brought on your path.

We all can become a hero, starting with believing we are great the way we are, by searching for the reason why things happen and by not Judging ourselves or The Others. We will create a different view on ourselves and the world around us. A world without judgments and lots of Love. First of all towards ourselves, then sharing this with The Other(s).

“Paradise is not a location,
It ‘s an attitude of the mind...“  Christopher Titmuss

How about you?

 

 

Missing is gaining strength…………….

Missing another person…. Some of us are happy they finally are done with another person they did not bond with at all. The person is missed, dot. Period. Done with. Exit. No more.

For all of the other people who know what it means to really MISS the person you feel a connection with, I have been writing this blog.

To Miss…a simple verb with an intense load of all kind of emotions, thoughts and how to cope with situations of missing another person. Most of us who miss another person in this way, feel a Love connection with that person. The Missing has many faces…
How about missing your father, even when he is still alive? How about missing your husband, like I do now…How about missing your Lover who is an illegal and will be deported back to his “own” country? How about missing your child, born too early? How about missing your dog who meant everything to you? How about missing your husband who dies before you? Or your wife, who passed away before you? How do you handle it? What can you do? What is your respond?
Missing is one of the deepest emotions we can experience. But it is always connected as an invincible string to Love. Love is the most empowered emotion in a positive way. Hate is the other most empowered emotion, but in the negative way. So what do we make 0f the Missing….?

Missing means you experience a sense of deportation within your soul. Cut off and difficult to connect again. Missing brings up intense pain, grief, sadness, can even lead to depression and despair. But when you understand you do have a CHOICE how to connect yourself to the Missing, you can gain an immense strength, and empower yourself above any imagination. Persons who first felt powerless, stand up and feel an immense force within their soul. They feel guided, taken care off and an intense feeling of inner peace and strength can be felt in their soul.
They do whatever is possible to improve the situation of the person they miss AND the situation of themselves. How? By taking action, by creating new opportunities, possibilities, by connecting themselves to the Universe/ the Light. By asking for guidance, by praying, opening up for everything that might help. No matter what religion you have, every person can ask for guidance, help, and open themselves up to what they feel is right to do. What empowers you?
I will take this question in myself and answer it here.

What empowers me?

I miss Brian so incredibly, I cannot even describe it. But this Missing has taught me something else too, several things actually. First is that I Appreciate Brian even more for the wonderful and most Loving man he is than I already did. And it wipes away my small irritations which have nothing to do with Brian but all with me. It is all the way how I choose to hold on to My beliefs. Brian is still Brian and has not changed. Holland has a depressing influence on me. The moment the plane touched the ground again, I felt the different energy. People are unsatisfied for the most here. They even look sour. Too much people on a too small piece of land called Holland. I get frustrated and irritated quickly here, totally different than when I am in America.

And strangely or understandably enough, the Missing of my beloved Brian takes out an entire string of old “Missings…” from my soul archive…

Like the Missing of the father for my children during their childhood. It brings up the old pain again, or the Missing of my husband when it was clear it did not work and we decided to have a divorce after ten difficult years. The Missing of my Love Paul, and his children Diederik, Casimir, Joachim and Chiara, which has had an immense influence on all of our lives. The Missing of my beloved Frits, who was not able to lower his walls of defense against Love. And my Love Wim, who has meant so much to me. I keep them safe and alive in a different Loving way and they will always have that place in my soul. They still are a part of me. I will carry them with me in this Life and even after this life in my soul energy. Why? Because the Missing has another side. The side of Loving memory and the strong connection and knowing that real Love will never end. Life will never end. Because it is a Choice. MY choice.
I am in contact with them still, all those wonderful persons I Miss…we still Love each other and feel grateful for this Love.

The Missing of my intensely beloved father, I still feel you next to me…The Missing of Tosca, my dear and deeply connected friend who I Love and felt connected with through another past life, still think of her and feel her. The Missing of my dearest friend Erik, who I have Loved and continue Loving so deeply and whose Love I can still feel like a warm coat around us, never gone, not for a single second…
The Missing of Tim, my daughter’s boyfriend, he is always with me, with us…Everything is possible when you open yourself up to that miracle called Love…Love has many ways to reach out for you…
When you believe you can still be connected, you will find that there is another level on which you can sense, feel, and even communicate with the ones you Miss…There is so much Love and Strength and creative endless Energy. It does not stop with the Missing…

The Missing can also empower you, like it empowers me after feeling in shock, feeling depressed, crying and detesting the situation of being apart again from my husband Brian…But see what happens? After the tears and the shock, there is something happening! I feel I still am Connected to my dude, I still Feel him! We contact each other each day and count the days till we are together again. Feeling Grateful, because we WILL be together, feeling empowered because WE CHOOSE how we feel and go through this period. I have dried my tears and I want to use my time here to do what I never have done for the last 20 years….relax and feel my own energy again without poring it into another person. I have done this for so many years and with all of the Love I could possibly feel. Now it’s time to read a book, to be at ease, to know what I like to relax again, to feel my incredibly tiredness and to do something about that. Physically and emotionally exhausted after so many years of struggling and being in the “survival mode” I focus myself on me now…without any feeling of guilt. I have always been running my legs out of my body for every one. (Dutch expression ) Now it’s Mary time. Time to feel what I have been Missing….to be Mary and not only the therapist or the writer.

Now I feel more empowered and feel I can write again….A couple of blogs during the last days…starting to write on my books again. Getting to my own soul energy and my own destination without giving it all away. And gaining a strength out of the Missing…No job now…no income…but balanced…
To me the Missing has a function, because I MAKE it that way. How do you respond to the Missing in your life?

Love is the drug…

Love is the drug….When you have experienced Love, you want more and more of it. So can we say that Love is addictive? YES! I would even say, fortunately YES!

As a baby we are not only nourished, but we are welcomed and Loved. Cuddled, kisses, etc. are normal. But there are babies who do not get that at all. Children who get molested, abused, “thrown” away….There are adults who do not believe in Love because they cannot open themselves up anymore. Trust is gone and Fear is King. It rules their world.
I believe Love is the drug that can heal anything, everywhere. Always. The only thing is that we sometimes seem to be lost in Love…

Love is something we all have experienced. Weather it is short or steady and continued, we all know what Love is. I thought. But I was wrong.

Love is in us, but when it is not touched, not developed, it could be we cannot reach out for it anymore.

Love obviously is there when a new child is born, but is this true? How many children have grown up and are adults now, who have never experienced the safety of their mother’s arms, their base of safety never given by their parents or other family? Who were molested, abused or neglected? Even ignored or told they should have never been born? Can you imagine how your life would have been when this had happened to you? What choice would you have made?

I believe in Love….I believe babies are here because they have chosen to be here, exactly at that spot and with their parents. I believe children are not only to be taught by the parents, I believe children can teach the parents as well. Sharing their insights, talking about what life presents them and the parents. Being open to each other and feeling Safe…. Why would a child choose for a life in which he or she gets treated so badly?  How can you choose a place like that to grow up? These questions can pop up while reading this blog.

My thoughts are clear on that. Every single soul creates the circumstances he or she needs to be able to reach their goals they intended to achieve before they were born. Being a soul you have the inheritence of past lives, archived in your soul. You and only you choose what your destination is. You choose what you want to reach for. Like standing up for yourself, making yourself a better person or get rid of low self esteem. The circumstances you are going to face will in fact HELP you to stand up for yourself. To become a better person or to get rid of your low selfesteem. In fact these circumstances are HELPING you to create more wisdom, more insights and more Happiness.

True, it can be a very hard and tough process, but when you feel you realize you have chosen these parents to be able to develop yourself and to be there at that time and spot to get the best out of you and even out of your parents, you will look at it differently! Once you feel you are on the path of your destination, you will feel so Empowered! And Happy! It all has to do with how you look at yourself, that view and the beliefs you hold will make your world. I had to start to Love myself the way I was. Without judging me. I started to Love myself after I stopped Judging myself. And Life has been so much better after that!

We all have a choice how we decide to Live. Children who have been abused or molested or who have not been loved have a choice. One question: Where do I connect myself with? Anger? Fear? Feeling a victim? Living in the past? Not being able to forgive? Using the bas things to become a bitter person? Or do we see THROUGH the circumstances and take out the lessons of life and the insights we are offered?

I have had a tough life. I have Loved and I have lost. I have raised my children on my own. I have made my “mis- takes” which have lead to so much good. I have taught my children to look at what is hidden IN the problem and Why the problem is there. What is it trying to tell you? Can you See it? Do you Want to look for what insight is hidden in the problems? Everything happens with a reason and Everything is connected…

One of the things I have set as my destination was to stand up for myself and to really believe in myself. No one believed I was able to write and publish my books. My ex husband asked me in a nasty way if I really believed there would be any publisher who would ever publish what I wrote???? I did not get much support in this. Except for my father who always said:” I dont know if you will succeed as a writer but you have the talent so go for it! Make your dreams come true whenever you see a chance!”

I remember my dad teaching me how to ride a bike. His warm hand pushing me at my back untill I was riding my first bike on my own. I believed he still was there behind me, but as I looked back my father was standing at the end of the street! I immediately got scared and started to zigzag, almost falling of my bike. Then my dad put his hands around his mouth and yelled: Ride on! You can do it!!!
This simple sentence has helped me the rest of my life, so whenever I was having some doubts and hesitated, I “heard” my father yell this again and I felt empowered again!

Love is the drug….people who experience Love can believe it is there for granted. But it is not, it never is. Whenever you are in a relationship or whenever you are with people you Love, TELL them how much you appreciate the, Tell them how special they are to you, tell them you Love them… But he or she KNOWS I Love him or her. Why do I “ need” to tell him or her I do?

Because they Love hearing it even when they get uncomfortable or shy when you do. Because people want to be Loved and to give Love. Even the persons who are totally blocked and do not seem to be able to get it out of thier throat.

Love is the drug…Love conquers al and Everything at All times…Does this mean that when we give our Love to a person this person will always cherish it? Will be grateful for it? No, it doesn’t.

But what is in it for me then?

What’s in it for you is that your process of uncondittionaly Loving will develop. It is not even that important how the other person responds, it is all about you giving your Love to another person without expecting something back for it.

It is about Loving and Sharing and making this worls a better place to live in. Because you are there to give and share what people need most: Love…..Love is always knocking on your door, it’s up to you if you can and want to open that door to let Love in.
What could hold you from opening up to let Love in?
Is it Fear? To protect you from being hurt when some person takes his or her Love back from you? What does this tell you? Do you choose to believe this is the way you deserve it? To close up for ever? Or do you choose to believe a way better Love will come your way to live the Life with you Really want? Never settle for less, it’s like buying something in a store. You see it, you know it is not exactly what you want, but it seems to look like it or seems to be close enough. Then, when you walk in another store a couple of weeks later, you see what you REALLY wanted and you feel sorry for buying the other one. You ignored your Inner Voice and settled for less…what did it bring you? And what did you choose and decide to do at that point? You always have a choice and it is never too late. Recognize it?

The truth about marriage……

I sat down for a short while and watched a television show in which couples can gain a marriage. The couples already are in a Love relationship but want to get a free wedding on television, totally romantic and with a gorgeous dress etc. As I was looking at them and saw how badly they wanted the wedding I asked myself the next questions:
What is it that makes people want to marry?

And why is this all “dipped in” an atmosphere of the ultimate fairy tale?

 

For as long as I can remember I have seen women cry at their wedding day, Loving emotions were felt very deeply at both sides and their eyes were overly flooding with expectations(not a grammatical good sentence), Trust and Togetherness.  I was raised like many other girls that marriage was The Ultimate Fairy Tale….

But is it true?

 

First of all there is what is the start of each marriage….falling in Love with your husband or wife to be! Brian and I knew we belonged together in June, we never had seen each other at that time! Of course we both realized that most people who fall in Love think the same and then still break up. But we do not only Feel it we also Know it…

Now I already see some readers of our blog shaking their heads, eyebrows up, thinking that this is not possible. How could we Know this for sure? The future is not yet history, so who will say we are right by stating this? True…but both Brian and I have had many experiences with listening and Hearing our Inner Voices. There is not a single doubt on any level. We belong to each other for good. We do not project our Want to be together here. We simply Feel we belong together. As we have been together in past lives. We recognized each other, the first moment we finally saw each other in 2009, at Bradley International, we were immediately One and we understood each other without a word. I can sense Brian even when he is 9000 miles away from me. He is still With me, always.
When I don’t feel good, Brian senses it and is restless. He will ask me what is wrong. And I will tell him how I feel. It’s even more…the moment Brian started to get a certain numbness in his hands and feet, I knew this because my hands started to feel tingling and numb too.

I know how he feels and he knows how I feel. Isn’t this a miracle?

I believe in marriage. To me it is the ultimate sign of True Love, Openness and the ultimate token of Trust towards each other. I am here for you as you want to be here for me, for better and for worse…
Even after being in less happy marriages before, I can still state marriage is the best you can do. My marriages before I married Brian, were actually more because of The Others.
The way other people believed to know what was best for us to do. And I was not as awake then as I am know, so I went by what The Others thought was best for me instead of choosing myself.
In the marriage before our marriage I wanted to have a normal family situation for the children. So I settled for less, convinced it was the best for the children. This man was definitely not the Love of my Life, but he was a kind person at that time.

So I settled for less and got worse. From the moment we were married everything changed.
My husband was in control of Everything, life became almost impossible and I collapsed after a few years of being suppressed by him. And not only me, the children have suffered a lot too, specially my son.
When I Almost died one night and I decided to end it. Much better for my children, much better for me.
The day we left I had the feeling we were able to leave prison…I promised myself and my children never to get into a marriage like this ever again!
The way we look back at this all now is not with hate or anger at all. We have been in this together and have experienced a very hard time. But despite the way this husband tried to make us feel less, to humiliate us and to tell us we were of no good at all, the opposite happened. We were too strong to be broken down by him, which was a huge frustration to the guy…

What we learned was that no matter what happens, when you believe in who you really are, and when you connect yourself to the Universe/ the Light, you will be able to feel good under any circumstances. You will be able to grow stronger despite what people do or how they treat you.

Because they will never be able to break down who you truly are…

So why do women believe marriage is the ultimate event to achieve in one’s life? Some women still marry because they want to have a financial backup. The man needs to take care of the woman he married. Even after marriage. Some women marry a guy for his money. Some women marry because they believe no other man wants them so they settle for the first who comes along. There are many varieties in this possible. But times have changed.
Nowadays men can ask for alimony after the marriage ends and women are way more capable of taking good financial care of themselves.  Men and women are way more equal now. So in fact things have changed a lot.

Back to the questions I asked myself at the start of this blog.

What is it that makes people want to marry?
And why is this all “dipped in” an atmosphere of the ultimate fairy tale?

 

1. People want to get married because they Love each other so much they have the strong wish to tell the entire world about it and celebrate this feeling with the persons they Love and who Love them.
2. People marry each other because they believe it is expected to do.
3. People marry because they are drunk and do not know what they are doing.
4. People marry because they want to protest against their family expectations

Etc. etc. etc….

Why marriage is dipped in an atmosphere of the ultimate fairy tale is because we girls were raised with fairy tales and princesses and princes and living happily ever after, celebrating the marriage in the most gorgeous dress that stuns our dude beyond his wildest imagination!

We are the princesses and our husband to be is our prince even when it is only for one single day! That day is promised to us, it will be the most beautiful, no,  the HAPPIEST day of our life! Every one knows that, duh!

Brian and I got married in a very simple way. His brother and his wife were our witnesses and their youngest daughter Vivian brought us the rings. In a simple dress, but “dipped in” an atmosphere of total Happiness…As I looked into the eyes of Brian and I saw this overwhelming intense Love streaming right into my Soul, I felt this day was the most beautiful, even the ultimate best day of my life…

A fairy tale? Don’t think so! Life and Love is what YOU make it. I decided never to settle for less and till this day I still feel Exactly the same and more.

I dared to choose for an unsure future, in a financial way. I choose to be with the man I absolutely Love and who unconditionally Loves me. The incredible empowerment and strenght of True Love will conquer all. That is our belief.

What is yours?